Hey Jeff, it is good that you shared all your burden with us.
It must be very difficult for you man, I can imagine that would be even harder if you didn't tell.
You are not wasted human and your mother was not right at all, I have to say that your parents because of some reason were terrible cold and bad parents, you needed love and care and you got nothing but neglect. And that I call being inhuman.
It is hurting me seeing how much you are in pain because of devastating things that happen to you (yes all that happen to you, you didn't ask for it nor you have had some choice to avoid it; you were forced by sadistic abusers).
Please be calm, I like you very much and it is inspiring seeing you trying your best in search for healing.
And yes we all know what person you are, you are very sensitive, carrying, warm and terrible nice person
I feel blessed that I meet you, here is my warmest hug for adult Jeff from present and that very brave and very lonely 14 years old boy that is still alive inside