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#419626 - 12/20/12 04:52 AM Gay With OSA (Opposite Sex Attraction)?
Jude Offline


Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1530
Loc: New England
The other night talking in chat about being straight with SSA, a gay fellow jokingly suggested that maybe I was gay with OSA (Opposite Sex Attraction). Interesting idea and very funny. Makes me question the whole idea of why we have to identify as one or the other.

Here's an interesting article from Match.com: Am I gay or Am I......?
_________________________
Well, I won't back down
No I won't back down
You can stand me up at the gates of hell
But I won't back down.
Tom Petty

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#419638 - 12/20/12 08:56 AM Re: Gay With OSA (Opposite Sex Attraction)? [Re: Jude]
ig3 Offline


Registered: 04/04/12
Posts: 56
Thanks for sharing. I can find a woman attractive sometimes. Interesting that we would not be expected to fight OSA feelings and some might encourage them.

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#419661 - 12/20/12 04:29 PM Re: Gay With OSA (Opposite Sex Attraction)? [Re: Jude]
seikei Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/06/12
Posts: 94
Right now I am stuck in a limbo of sort when it comes to my orientation. I'm attracted to men, but I also am curious about women on a purely cardinal level. It's a bit irritating sometimes.

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#419765 - 12/21/12 02:34 PM Re: Gay With OSA (Opposite Sex Attraction)? [Re: Jude]
panda Offline


Registered: 12/05/12
Posts: 16
Loc: Michigan
That's called bisexuality. It's a perfectly valid identity. But if you don't feel like you're bisexual, maybe it's just curiosity. That's also normal. It's probably not related to assault

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#419863 - 12/22/12 03:53 PM * [Re: Jude]
Smalltown80sBoy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/25/12
Posts: 2217
*


Edited by Smalltown80sBoy (04/29/13 01:28 PM)

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#419878 - 12/22/12 11:58 PM Re: Gay With OSA (Opposite Sex Attraction)? [Re: Jude]
Jude Offline


Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1530
Loc: New England
Quote:
I guess the song I Am What I Am sums it up

Reminds me of a similar song:
I yam what I yam,
and thats all that I yam,
I'm Popeye the sailor man!

"I Yam What I Yam"- Popeye

From now on I'll identify as "Popeye" and forget about sexual orientation. LOL

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#419970 - 12/23/12 09:06 PM Re: Gay With OSA (Opposite Sex Attraction)? [Re: Jude]
Chase Eric Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/25/10
Posts: 1350
Hey, Jude -

I asked the very same question several months ago. Despite a lot of wisdom in the thread from the many smart fellow survivors here, I can only say that - in my opinion - the issue is far more complex than anyone can fully understand.
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#420113 - 12/25/12 10:21 PM Re: Gay With OSA (Opposite Sex Attraction)? [Re: Jude]
SoccerStar Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/15/12
Posts: 915
Loc: New York
Originally Posted By: Chase Eric

I asked the very same question several months ago
--
[from the older, linked thread]
The implications are staggering. I may have well been gay before the abuse started. But there is always that question - what if my abuse made me gay???

I think that is the scariest thing about this whole journey for some of us. It was for me, because if the abuse DID make me gay, then it has effectively given god-like powers to my molester. Isn't my whole life - at least my entire sexual identity - then just a fabrication of the fantasies he made me act out with him?


This kills me. Just utterly cuts out my heart and is one of my biggest obstacles to recovery.

The thought that my prolonged sexual identity crisis might not have been just "struggling to find myself" but in fact could have been "myself, struggling against the effect of an attack" was emotionally devastating. It would mean there had been not the one attack but well over a decade's worth of them, that my victimization had continued throughout most of my formative life and that nearly all of the worst feelings I'd ever had were the direct result of him. It has left me unable to think of that man with any emotion other than a near-supernatural terror, I've not moved on from the terror since and kind of can't envision a time when I could.

The not-knowing, of such a foundational element of one's own personal identity (if it IS "one's own") is the uttermost among violations. I have been at the point of *BEGGING* my T for some way to mentally box this out, to find an answer, to know. She, quite rationally, says there just is no way to know, that it certainly wouldn't be a surprise for there to have been some impact or another to some degree, very rational, very clinical. And in nearly every aspect of my life that's who I am, the rational clinical one, the one who has even been able to "box up" sexual assault in and of itself by classifying it as part of the spectrum of primate behavior that humans inherited and our constructed individualisms and civilizational norms haven't yet caught-up-to. I can "see" a chimp just beating the living shit out of another chimp with any mechanism necessary in a manner that brings the aggressor some satisfaction. It's a "box" that, rationally, makes some sense to me. I damn well don't LIKE it, but it makes rational sense.

But this? A spiral of terror and doubt, aimless, in the dark.


Edited by SoccerStar (12/25/12 11:09 PM)
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#420134 - 12/26/12 08:48 AM Re: Gay With OSA (Opposite Sex Attraction)? [Re: Jude]
Jude Offline


Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1530
Loc: New England
Sorry SoccerStar,

I make light of it and forget that for some this is still a very painful issue. It was for me too for many years. Perhaps the best way out of that "box" is to stop trying to place ourselves in one category or another. Maybe sexuality is a continuum and we all fall at different places along that line. Maybe we're ALL more complicated than just straight or gay, regardless of CSA.

Being straight with SSA issues does not have to change the way you're living you life. Being married and enjoying sex with your wife does not mean you are denying who you really are. And looking at guys with some degree of interest does not mean that you are betraying your wife.

Our abusers hijacked our sexuality. Part of recovery is taking back control over who we are sexually, and the mystery that goes along with it. I've stopped worrying and am just enjoying the journey.

Jude
_________________________
Well, I won't back down
No I won't back down
You can stand me up at the gates of hell
But I won't back down.
Tom Petty

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#420195 - 12/26/12 08:42 PM * [Re: Jude]
Smalltown80sBoy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/25/12
Posts: 2217
*


Edited by Smalltown80sBoy (04/29/13 01:37 PM)

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