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#41998 - 05/01/05 03:16 AM Down in a hole
PhillyPa Offline
Member

Registered: 12/20/04
Posts: 64
Loc: Philadelphia, PA
it feels like people are ignoring me so i'll see what ive managed to cover up and hide. i know its there, so it seems like they are punishing me for being so stubborn.
but thats my perspective of them. what it really logically comes down to is the self-isolation, to spare anyone from my anguish thats surfacing. its so freaking punishing - it hurts to be alone with these horrible, frightening symptoms. i'm losing it, slowly but surely. i'm now face to face with it - god help me.

_________________________
Who is this doing the synthetic type of alpha beta psychedelic funkin?

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#41999 - 05/01/05 08:26 AM Re: Down in a hole
lostcowboy Offline
Member

Registered: 11/10/04
Posts: 797
Loc: North Texas
Hi Philly, the site has been down all day, and is still messed up a little. I could not see your profile, and so could not look at your past messages, so I don't know how much you have told in the past. I just want you to know that we are here, and are not trying to push you into telling us anything before you are ready. If it seems that people are ignoring you, it just means they don't know how to respond to what you said, or they are afraid they will say the wrong thing. I know I am that way.
Quote:
what it really logically comes down to is the self-isolation, to spare anyone from my anguish thats surfacing.
I guess you can say I have been in Self-Isolation for a long time. Not sure how long you have been, but take it from me it is better to talk as soon as you can. It may be easier to talk about the symptoms. Like two days ago I was watching a Elvis movie, and right in the middle of it I started to have silent tears running down my face. Why, I don't know, I thought I was enjoying the movie! Anyway my advice is just to talk. The more you talk, the better it will get. I just started talking on here in November of last year, maybe in a year or two I will feel like talking to a counselor or therapist, but for now this web site is my soapbox. Here I can talk, I can bare my soul on here, and tomorrow you and I can pass on the street and look each other in the eye with our heads up high, because we won't know each other in person. I know they have retreats and such from time to time. But for me, right now this is all I can do.

_________________________
"Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow. Don't walk behind me, I may not lead. Just walk beside me and be my friend." - Albert Camus
Pretty much my life as I have posted so far. Triggers!

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#42000 - 05/01/05 06:07 PM Re: Down in a hole
LostinPA Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/04/05
Posts: 120
Loc: Lancaster, PA
Sorry you have felt neglected. That I am sure no one's intention. I feel like that at times, and I think it is part of lost trust and the years of feeling no one cares. We perceive being overlooked and uncared for. I know I do big time. I relate to the isolation. I have been in isolation for over two decades. Solitary living is extremely painful. Uncovering your pain will make you raw and so extremely vulnerable. This is a good place to be for you I think. I am new here, but it is my experience that these men truly honestly care for one another. Good luck with your healing.

Cowboy good luck with your journey too.

_________________________
LostinPA
Ric

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#42001 - 05/01/05 09:41 PM Re: Down in a hole
PhillyPa Offline
Member

Registered: 12/20/04
Posts: 64
Loc: Philadelphia, PA
thanks lostcowboy and lostinpa - gosh, i'm sorry i made it seem like i was being ignored by people from this board. i really meant in my personal, working interactions with people at my job and friends. i wasnt clear, and after reading my post i saw how unclear i was.
that was a dark night of my soul, and was feeling left behind, again. i see strength in others that i must try to imitate - because they dont seem to want anything to do with my defenses. i'll see, tomorrow - if what i'm feeling is from self-isolation or some method of theirs to get me to surface. either way, i'm gonna break through and seek help - from a local center for mental health counseling.

_________________________
Who is this doing the synthetic type of alpha beta psychedelic funkin?

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#42002 - 05/01/05 09:54 PM Re: Down in a hole
reality2k4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 6838
Loc: Stuck between water, air, and ...
Hi PhillyPa, yeah site down, I didnt see your post, but suppose i miss a lot of posts.
Self isolation is what we all go through. Sometimes when you just want someone to care, you seem to be ignored and feel like hiding in a corner n stuff. Support is here, you will make friends who can help you out.

sorry you were hurtin,

take care,

ste

_________________________
Whoever stole the Sun, put it back and we'll drop all the charges!

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