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#419696 - 12/20/12 08:18 PM Re: Full Disclosure [Re: Suwanee]
Suwanee Offline
Chat Moderator

Registered: 10/30/12
Posts: 1075
Loc: Southeast USA
Thanks for the input guys.

Here's an update:

My wife is amazing. SHE came to me and apologized for being short with me. She is going through a lot of stress at work---a lot of things
are riding on her right now. Without rehearsal, I told her I wanted to tell her more about what happened at camp. Without any more prompting, she said , "He did more than just touch you didn't he?" I nodded and she just reached out and hugged me and told me it was okay. At that point, the kids came in and joined us in a group hug. We will talk later on. I'm okay with that.

I ask you to judge me by the enemies I have made. ---FDR


Cruel Summer
My Journal

#419698 - 12/20/12 08:41 PM Re: Full Disclosure [Re: Suwanee]
SoccerStar Offline

Registered: 10/15/12
Posts: 926
Loc: New York
Oh God Will, oh thank God, oh thank God. She's there for you. She is. After all your worry, she is.

You will feel better. Let it come. I am so happy for you.
My story

"Don't think it hasn't been a little slice of Heaven just because it hasn't!" --Bugs Bunny

#419716 - 12/20/12 11:33 PM Re: Full Disclosure [Re: Suwanee]
traveler Offline

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3883
Loc: somewhere in Africa
you are so blessed!!!

i;m tearing up better than at a movie with a sappy, happy ending...

A man talking sense to himself is no madder than a man talking nonsense to not himself.
Or just as mad.
So there you are.
Stark raving sane.
- Tom Stoppard, Rosencrantz & Guildenstern are Dead

#419717 - 12/20/12 11:44 PM Re: Full Disclosure [Re: Suwanee]
Candu Offline

Registered: 06/30/12
Posts: 312
Loc: Canada
That's great! smile We need to get bigger smilies.

#419719 - 12/21/12 12:43 AM Re: Full Disclosure [Re: Suwanee]
Farmer Boy Offline

Registered: 08/23/12
Posts: 442
Loc: Australia

That is FANTASTIC NEWS. She IS on your team. I am so glad it just happened naturally like that (without rehearsal).

It sounds like you have nothing to worry about telling her more in the future. You couldn't ask for a better response.

This is so encouraging!!!!

smile smile smile

More than meets the eye!

#419861 - 12/22/12 03:36 PM * [Re: Suwanee]
Smalltown80sBoy Offline

Registered: 03/25/12
Posts: 2217

Edited by Smalltown80sBoy (04/29/13 01:27 PM)

#419921 - 12/23/12 10:43 AM Re: Full Disclosure [Re: Suwanee]
SmartShadow Offline

Registered: 11/27/12
Posts: 278
Loc: USA
Hey Will,
Thanks for the post. Good for you taking the risk to tell your wife.
This is part of our csa pain. Being real and transparent with our spouse is maybe some of the biggest risks I have taken. Thank God my wife has always been supportive of my csa reality and all that comes with it.

What I have learned is that:
My csa reality also causes my wife pain as well.
I am continuing to come to terms with my csa reality.
This is a process for us both.
She needs time and space to accept and understand.
It can take a long time to come to terms with all of the ramifications.
It can be too much to cope with for my wife at times.
The right time is important. Time to process and talk.
My wife became quite fearfully of my ssa and what that could mean. No small impact on the security of the marage.
I find that I need to ansor the sometimes unasked question she has.
What dose that mean for "us"? and what dose that mean for "me"? Or make room for her to ask.

I have learned to not give quick reassurance, but to be patent and let her vent when she's ready,

I have learn that when she vent there is a process taking place.

I have learned that some of what she says or doesn't say can feal bad. I chalk it up to all the bad my csa brings me.

I have learned that my wife is on my side and we are in this togeather and nether one of us is going anywhere.

20 years into disclosure, I am still coming to terms with my csa and my awesome wife is still helping me help her help us work it out.

We would never be where we are if I did not let her know the real me.
It made it safe to be the real her. I think had I not helped her to understand we would not have been able to make it work.

Best wishes in your process and in working it out in your marriage,

Note to self:
Stand up and keep your footing,
You are not alone. This place is full of people who will reach out to help.

#419922 - 12/23/12 10:49 AM Re: Full Disclosure [Re: Suwanee]
SmartShadow Offline

Registered: 11/27/12
Posts: 278
Loc: USA
I just realized there was a second page. So cool of your wife to be there for you!
Made my day.

Note to self:
Stand up and keep your footing,
You are not alone. This place is full of people who will reach out to help.

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