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#419857 - 12/22/12 03:13 PM *
Smalltown80sBoy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/25/12
Posts: 2217
*


Edited by Smalltown80sBoy (04/29/13 01:27 PM)

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#419892 - 12/23/12 03:31 AM Re: Spending holiday with family? [Re: Smalltown80sBoy]
traveler Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3211
Loc: back in the USA
Gary -

for one of the few times in my life, i will be near absolutely NO family members this christmas. i am actually expecting to really enjoy it. when we were close enough to travel to visit someone, it was difficult to find enough valid-sounding excuses. after a while we didn't need an excuse - it was no longer expected. but now - there is no one left to visit except our kids. they are all going to be busy with their in-laws. i am fine with that. i'd rather not even attempt to get together than to get smacked down again. sometimes they are not kind. so this year it is just the two of us. low-key and no pressure.

i say - opt out. you don't owe them any explanations or apologies. do it for yourself.

Lee
_________________________
We are often troubled, but not crushed;
sometimes in doubt, but never in despair;
there are many enemies, but we are never without a friend;
and though badly hurt at times, we are not destroyed.
- Paul, II Cor 4:8-9

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#419895 - 12/23/12 04:13 AM Re: Spending holiday with family? [Re: Smalltown80sBoy]
Jude Offline


Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1369
Loc: New England
Christmas at my house is a huge gathering, all my kids come home and many bring significant others. I'm generally very happy at this time, but my feelings can be ambivilant. I have no contact with my family of oregin, and its further complicated by putting on the act of a 'happily married" couple, when we're not. Its a painful pretense to have to make. Also listening to my oldest children, who saw me drunk and crazy when they were young, tell stories about my misadventures back then. I'm glad they can laugh about it now, but its a bitter reminder that I wasn't there for them in the same way I am for my younger kids who only know me as sober and stable. All reminders of my failure as a man, husband and father.

Jude
_________________________
"When I was a child
I caught a fleeting glimpse
Out of the corner of my eye
I turned to look but it was gone
I cannot put my finger on it now
The child is grown, the dream is gone
And I have become comfortably numb."
Pink Floyd

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#419896 - 12/23/12 04:17 AM Re: Spending holiday with family? [Re: Smalltown80sBoy]
peroperic2009 Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3566
Loc: South-East Europe
Jude I'm sure that you are great and very carrying father, we all did some mistakes, don't be hard on yourself wink
_________________________
My story

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#419897 - 12/23/12 05:45 AM Re: Spending holiday with family? [Re: Smalltown80sBoy]
Candu Offline


Registered: 06/30/12
Posts: 312
Loc: Canada
Originally Posted By: Jude
All reminders of my failure as a man, husband and father.


How was this your failure? While I can accept that you feel bad about your behaviour I don't consider it to be your fault. Do you think the CSA had anything to do with your being drunk and crazy when they were young? If so then blame your abuser.

You changed when you were able to. I call that a victory. Concern yourself with the future and not the past that you had little control over. Appreciate what you have. Be the best you can right now and into the future.

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#419898 - 12/23/12 06:58 AM Re: Spending holiday with family? [Re: Smalltown80sBoy]
Jude Offline


Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1369
Loc: New England
Thanks for the support guys, I really didn't mean to hijack the thread. Maybe I came off as too morose, but the fact is I need to speak honestly about my past. I can't blame everything on CSA. I made choices along the way that hurt the people I cared about the most, and however painful, I have to live with the outcome. Still.... I know Its A Wonderful Life! Merry christmas.

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#419916 - 12/23/12 09:48 AM Re: Spending holiday with family? [Re: Smalltown80sBoy]
lapchinj Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/07/11
Posts: 1127
Loc: New York
Peace,Rainbows & Healing


Edited by lapchinj (03/17/13 10:26 AM)
_________________________
Depression Feels Like Home, and Happiness is Just a Place You Visit

It will get better....

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#419920 - 12/23/12 10:21 AM Re: Spending holiday with family? [Re: Smalltown80sBoy]
lapchinj Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/07/11
Posts: 1127
Loc: New York
Peace,Rainbows & Healing


Edited by lapchinj (03/17/13 10:26 AM)
_________________________
Depression Feels Like Home, and Happiness is Just a Place You Visit

It will get better....

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#419925 - 12/23/12 11:55 AM Re: Spending holiday with family? [Re: Smalltown80sBoy]
Sailor John Offline


Registered: 10/04/11
Posts: 307
Loc: Newfoundland & Labrador
Hi All,

I didn't want to stay with my family either because one of my perps was my father. I still don't feel comfortable visiting on Christmas Day. What I do is get the "fixin's" for a Christmas mmeal and cook my own dinner - Jiggs Dinner, Turkey and Roast beef with the works.

Lots of turkey and beef sandwiches for a week or more!!! I then go visit family on Boxing Day when there is a get together of extended family and get to see everybody which is good.
_________________________
I will mourn the teenager I never was and strive to make that dot of light way out in the far reaches of the end of the tunnel turn into a bright sun.

WE ARE NOT VICTIMS. WE ARE THE SURVIVORS!!!

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#419927 - 12/23/12 12:21 PM Re: Spending holiday with family? [Re: Smalltown80sBoy]
lapchinj Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/07/11
Posts: 1127
Loc: New York
Peace,Rainbows & Healing


Edited by lapchinj (03/17/13 10:26 AM)
_________________________
Depression Feels Like Home, and Happiness is Just a Place You Visit

It will get better....

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#419965 - 12/23/12 06:47 PM * [Re: Smalltown80sBoy]
Smalltown80sBoy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/25/12
Posts: 2217
*


Edited by Smalltown80sBoy (04/29/13 01:29 PM)

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#419968 - 12/23/12 07:19 PM Re: Spending holiday with family? [Re: Smalltown80sBoy]
lapchinj Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/07/11
Posts: 1127
Loc: New York
Peace,Rainbows & Healing


Edited by lapchinj (03/17/13 10:26 AM)
_________________________
Depression Feels Like Home, and Happiness is Just a Place You Visit

It will get better....

Top
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