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Gary -

for one of the few times in my life, i will be near absolutely NO family members this christmas. i am actually expecting to really enjoy it. when we were close enough to travel to visit someone, it was difficult to find enough valid-sounding excuses. after a while we didn't need an excuse - it was no longer expected. but now - there is no one left to visit except our kids. they are all going to be busy with their in-laws. i am fine with that. i'd rather not even attempt to get together than to get smacked down again. sometimes they are not kind. so this year it is just the two of us. low-key and no pressure.

i say - opt out. you don't owe them any explanations or apologies. do it for yourself.

Lee

Christmas at my house is a huge gathering, all my kids come home and many bring significant others. I'm generally very happy at this time, but my feelings can be ambivilant. I have no contact with my family of oregin, and its further complicated by putting on the act of a 'happily married" couple, when we're not. Its a painful pretense to have to make. Also listening to my oldest children, who saw me drunk and crazy when they were young, tell stories about my misadventures back then. I'm glad they can laugh about it now, but its a bitter reminder that I wasn't there for them in the same way I am for my younger kids who only know me as sober and stable. All reminders of my failure as a man, husband and father.

Jude

Jude I'm sure that you are great and very carrying father, we all did some mistakes, don't be hard on yourself

How was this your failure? While I can accept that you feel bad about your behaviour I don't consider it to be your fault. Do you think the CSA had anything to do with your being drunk and crazy when they were young? If so then blame your abuser.

You changed when you were able to. I call that a victory. Concern yourself with the future and not the past that you had little control over. Appreciate what you have. Be the best you can right now and into the future.

Thanks for the support guys, I really didn't mean to hijack the thread. Maybe I came off as too morose, but the fact is I need to speak honestly about my past. I can't blame everything on CSA. I made choices along the way that hurt the people I cared about the most, and however painful, I have to live with the outcome. Still.... I know Its A Wonderful Life! Merry christmas.

Hi All,

I didn't want to stay with my family either because one of my perps was my father. I still don't feel comfortable visiting on Christmas Day. What I do is get the "fixin's" for a Christmas mmeal and cook my own dinner - Jiggs Dinner, Turkey and Roast beef with the works.

Lots of turkey and beef sandwiches for a week or more!!! I then go visit family on Boxing Day when there is a get together of extended family and get to see everybody which is good.