Thanks for the post. Good for you taking the risk to tell your wife.
This is part of our csa pain. Being real and transparent with our spouse is maybe some of the biggest risks I have taken. Thank God my wife has always been supportive of my csa reality and all that comes with it.
What I have learned is that:
My csa reality also causes my wife pain as well.
I am continuing to come to terms with my csa reality.
This is a process for us both.
She needs time and space to accept and understand.
It can take a long time to come to terms with all of the ramifications.
It can be too much to cope with for my wife at times.
The right time is important. Time to process and talk.
My wife became quite fearfully of my ssa and what that could mean. No small impact on the security of the marage.
I find that I need to ansor the sometimes unasked question she has.
What dose that mean for "us"? and what dose that mean for "me"? Or make room for her to ask.
I have learned to not give quick reassurance, but to be patent and let her vent when she's ready,
I have learn that when she vent there is a process taking place.
I have learned that some of what she says or doesn't say can feal bad. I chalk it up to all the bad my csa brings me.
I have learned that my wife is on my side and we are in this togeather and nether one of us is going anywhere.
20 years into disclosure, I am still coming to terms with my csa and my awesome wife is still helping me help her help us work it out.
We would never be where we are if I did not let her know the real me.
It made it safe to be the real her. I think had I not helped her to understand we would not have been able to make it work.
Best wishes in your process and in working it out in your marriage,
Note to self:
Stand up and keep your footing,
You are not alone. This place is full of people who will reach out to help.