A great question asked in "Adult Children of Alcohlics" 12 step program is -

WHO AM I WITHOUT TRAUMA?

My sponsor and I added to this:

Who am I without envy?
Who am I without anger?
Who am I without jealousy?
Who am I without fear?
Who am I without self pity?

Who am I?

Without all those negative feelings, I am free to choose who I want to be.

I can get into that.....

Who am I without compulsive lust?
Who am I without rage?
Who am I without depression?
Who am I without cruelty?
Who am I without cowardice?
Who am I without stress?
Who am I without detachment?
Who am I without shame?
Who am I without hatred?
Who am I without contempt?
Who am I without insecurity?
Who am I without resentment?
Who am I without bitterness?
Who am I without hopelessness?
Who am I without abandonment?
Who am I without loneliness?

I could go on and on about my charachter defects, and who I might be without them. Its hard to imagine that guy. But its progress, not perfection, right?

Jude

I love it! Thanks for adding to the list!

This is just wonderful. The most powerful thing we have in our lives is our imagination.

“Imagination is more important than knowledge. For knowledge is limited to all we now know and understand, while imagination embraces the entire world, and all there ever will be to know and understand." - Einstein

If we can imagine it, we can create it for ourselves.

D

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I have often thought about this, if I had a childhood without the trauma
Would I still be:
Kind?
Compassionate?
Have empathy towards others?
Or would I be like everyone else that just doesn't understand?
In my personal experience I feel that those of us that have gone through this, specially in our childhood(this is what i know)I feel that we never really grow up, I think that for the rest of our lifes we will see the world through the eyes of a child who will always ask himself why? What did I do? And never really receive an answer. As with children we will always see more, feel more and we can be hurt more easily. But given the chance we can love more and with the right amount of patience be more that what we are. Because I think we are mostly in hidding and we suffer alone why? Not because we are cowards but because people, grow people do not understand, are afraid and cannot accept a fully grown man that sees the world as a child does. Do I make sense to anyone?

you make some very good points, tohui! and -yes- you make a lot of sense to me.

i used to try to imagine what i would have been like without the abuse - and it is impossible - like saying who would i be if i had different parents - it is a meaningless question. i wouldn't be myself. i would be someone totally different.

maybe because it started when i was 5 - but i don't know if you can put an age limit on development and say - anything after a certain point would have had a predictably life-changing effect - or not.

what i have concluded - is that for nearly every negative result - there has also be a positive one that at least partially helped to balance it.

because i felt like a helpless victim - i now have a keen sense of justice and sympathy for the underdog.

because i was hurt physically and emotionally - i now am sensitive to other's pain and suffering.

because i was very self-focused, introverted and analytical - i can now empathize with others and understand their experiences and feelings.

because i was confused and overwhelmed - i now have a strong drive to understand cause and effect and can often intuitively figure out connections.

because i was subjected to violence, contempt, rejection and disrespect - i have always tried not to give offense, to treat others with respect, acceptance, kindness and consideration.

even the sexual guilt, shame and negative associations - have ensured that i never victimized, used or degraded anyone else in that way.

so - though i would NEVER say that i am thankful for the abuse i experienced, i would say that i am very aware that it has had a major influence upon who i am now - and i AM becoming more and more self-accepting and content with who i am. i also know that there were long stretches of time when i was very dysfunctional and there wasn't much evidence of any of those positive traits. it is a long process - and i am glad i have had the time and help of others to get to this place.

Lee

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Makes complete sense to me, too.

Being abused as a child can be a curse, and a blessing. We have insight into the human condition that no others will have, as a direct result of our abuse.

And when we recover, we have profound insights as to the human condition, and we have the ability to lead others from their own darkness.

Such is the gift and curse of life.

D

I'm not sure if this one was already posted:

Who am I without my coping mechanisms?