I am so sorry that you are all going through this.
I know first hand, how destructive living with a survivor can be then you add into the mix the fact that you too are a survivor, and well that all makes for a pretty explosive cocktail.
We have almost two years of dealing with this in our home and still the nerves are raw. We again have had a fall out of epic proportions and, beside it being very stressful for us, it is also incredibly destructive for our child.
The only advice that I can offer is that you need to learn to not live the Co-Dependent life style, you cannot allow his problems and his bad moods to become your problem or affect your life, easier said than done yes.
The only answer to all of this is that you are either going to have One healthy happy person or two healthy happy individuals, and individuals is the key word here.
Your lives and happiness are so intertwined at the moment that no one is happy. (I say this and I am doing the same at the moment) It is incredibly tough not to take things personally, when he has a bad day not to take his mood and bad words towards you as the fact that he is angry with you, or that it is your fault, or that he thinks you are being mean, or that it is you that has made life unbearable for him. Yes we survivors do this, we blame everyone but ourselves, the whole world owes US.
This is not true, we survivors owe it to ourselves, as difficult as it is, to get over what happened in the past, and most of all to stop blaming everyone ESPECIALLY the ones that have loved us regardless of what we have been through or of what we have become.
I really hope that you Beautiful people learn to become happy healthy individuals, and learn to not take everything so personally, it was not and is not your fault.
Now to practice what I preach
Heal well all