My partner and I are both writers and have also suffered the effects of incest and sexual abuse. My story, in brief, is that I was abused by an uncle at a very early age, raped several times as an adult until the last assault led to a complete mental breakdown.
Looking back, I can see how living in the past reality of the initial abuse led me to put myself into situations that were inherently dangerous. It was not my fault, and I'm not in anyway implying it was...however as I continue in my recovery it's important for me to be very aware of how I self-identify.
When I first met my partner, I had several years of recovery under my belt from severe chronic depression, PTSD, and Dissociative Identity Disorder thanks to a month-long stay at the WIIT center in Hollywood, Florida, started by Dr. Tollefson.(Unfortunately, I've since learned that Dr. Tollefson is no longer there and the center's treatment is not what it was.)
My partner, however, had not been able to find the help he needed. I believe this is in large part due to the fact that he was suffering the effects of mother/son incest, a situation that seasoned therapists and survivor counselors alike seem grossly unequipped to deal with. While this didn't surprise me (I'd searched for years for proper help as a female survivor) it greatly saddened me. He had been treated as if he had a mental disorder, as if he was somehow broken, and made to feel that he was deviant and sick. To me, this is nothing more than re-victimization.
Over the past several years, I've watched him heal and find some peace as he's written his story. S. L. Kowalski recently published his memoir " A Way Back Home
" and I sit in awe of his courage in doing so. (I hope it's okay to link to it here but please note, the book comes with a very big trigger warning)
We've both turned to the internet for research, information and support but as you well know, one must sift through pages upon pages of pornography to find a single serious article on this form of abuse.
I believe it is time for men to stand together and force this conversation out in the open. My feelings are that, because mother/son incest 'looks' different in terms of the immediate emotional and physical response, its long term effects are every bit as damaging as a female survivor's.
Men are left on their own to deal with the emotional, spiritual and sexual challenges all while being re-victimized by the same institutions claiming to help.
I want to thank all of you for being here, being willing to share your stories and having the courage to speak out. I'm very grateful to have found this site and am hoping S. L. will be willing to join us as well...although I'll understand if he doesn't...at least for now. Sending his story out to the world has left him feeling very raw, as you can imagine.
Oh wow...I guess that's enough ramblings from me! Sorry, I didn't intent to go on like that.
And Happy Holidays to you all, as well! I know these can be a very challenging few weeks for us. Peace and love, Jenny