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#418896 - 12/12/12 08:22 AM Everyone Makes Mistakes...yeah, right...
Clockwise Offline

Registered: 03/03/09
Posts: 304
Loc: Pennsylvania
You ever have one of those days when then whole day is just one long series of fuck-ups? Todays was that day for me. And it doesn't help matters when you're the new guy so when you screw up everyone thinks that because you're new you must be some kind of blithering fucking idiot who has to be led around on a fucking leash for fear that he'll walk off a cliff and kill himself even though you probably scored higher on the entrance exam than half of the people you work with. Yeah, because your the new guy you are blamed for shit that's not even your fault because nobody else want to take responsibility.

The whole day felt like that and it didn't help that we had to stay at work longer than usual so I was stuck in a tiny room with a bunch of people laughing and joking around because they all know each other and you don't know shit. So I stay in my little chair in my little corner and in my own little world playing on my phone waiting to be told to go home. And the fucking supervisor actually had the nerve to say that he was pleased with us and that today was a pretty good day. I wanted to jump up and yell "Bullshit!!! Not for me!!!" But I kept my composure until I was able to get back to my room.

Finally home, away from most of them. I immediately wanted to run to my journal and pour out my problem onto its always welcoming pages but I chose to drown myself in a bottle of alcohol instead. My brain feels like its underwater and slowly the days problems are starting to feel like jokes I've heard over the radio. They make me laugh at their absurdity and suddenly everything feels childlike and simple. I don't usually turn to alcohol but today, I feel, warranted it. I just needed something to blunt to pain, the embarrassment and anger. God, I hope tomorrow is different.
Yet another 24 hours.

#418958 - 12/12/12 06:44 PM Re: Everyone Makes Mistakes...yeah, right... [Re: Clockwise]
traveler Offline

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3815
Loc: somewhere in Africa
hey, Clockwise!

of course it will be different. and you will be one day less new and more experienced. it is all part of the game - dump on the new guy - makes em feel better about their own insecurities. easy to say - but don't take it personally. it could be Jesus Christ and they'd still do the same!

take the supervisor's word for it. if he's OK with what got done - that is good enuf. you are part of the equation whether you feel like it or not.

hang in there - it does get better. just remember how it feels when the next new guy comes along. treat him the way you wish they had treated you - and you may make a friend for life!

There’s a special providence in the fall of a sparrow. If it be now, ’tis not to come. If it be not to come, it will be now. If it be not now, yet it will come—the readiness is all. - Hamlet, Act 5, sc 2

#419295 - 12/16/12 07:21 PM Re: Everyone Makes Mistakes...yeah, right... [Re: Clockwise]
theIrregular Offline

Registered: 07/23/12
Posts: 52
Loc: Canada
Hey Clockwise,
I'm sorry you had to endure such a day. As someone who was injured at work while he was in training, I can relate. My scores on the written tests were really high, but a moment of complacancy in the practical stuff occurred and I have a broken finger. Everyday, atleast once one of the supervisors makes a joke about my intelligence and skill.

A couple of days ago, they wanted me to drive a tractor and I was hesitant, but I agreed since I'm still in my probation period and I didn't want to give them a reason to fire me. Anyways, I had trouble reversing the tractor mainly because I hadn't gotten used to driving with one hand. To this, the supervisor started saying things like, "are you for real? Where did you buy your license? Hey guys, check this guy out?" I felt so ashamed. I got out of the tractor, and explained I couldn't do it.

The next day, as I started to clarify a message from a manager, the supervisor cut me off,

"Shut the fuck up". I just wanted to run away and hide. I carry a pocket book without me to write down thoughts, but it was the last thing I wanted to do. Writing didn't seem like it was going to help or it would be enough. I spent the rest of shift trying to dodge people altogether. Afterwards, I chain smoked like I wanted Cancer. Eventually, my thoughts calmed and the tunnel vision was gone.

I hope you don't think I'm hijacking your post. I just want you to know that I get it. I'm still waiting for the day when I can take things lightly, and get the bigger picture, without the help of my numbing substances.

P.S. Eventhough I get treated like an idiot for getting injured, plenty of peolle have actually come up to me and empathised by sharing their own personal injury stories. I guess it all depends on the type of person.

Tace care, friend.


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