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#419269 - 12/16/12 01:16 PM How did you feel when you saw a bigger penis?
TheBobcatAgain Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/13/10
Posts: 507
Loc: AZ, U.S.A.
TRIGGER WARNING - Please do not read if you don't like discussions of penis size or remembering your childhood.

I'm sorry to bring this up again. I tried Googling my questions, but I couldn't find any matches.

When you first saw a penis bigger than your own (in the real world, not porn), how did you feel, honestly? If you felt inadequate or embarrassed or ashamed, how did you overcome that, (if you did)? Try to remember back to that first time, and try to remember how it made you feel. How did you learn to shrug it off? Did a lover liking your penis help you to overcome this?

I'm sorry to ask this, but I really want help with this. I always feel ashamed and inadequate, like I'm not much of a man.

I know all the platitudes - bigger isn't necessarily better, you can't judge a penis when it's flaccid, be happy with what you've got because you can't change it, etc etc etc. But when you lock eyes with a guy who has a bigger penis, and he sees that you have a smaller penis and he smirks at you because he knows he's bigger and better, how can you not feel inferior? And yes, this hypothetical DOES happen sometimes.

Thank you in advance for your input, my brothers. You are the only ones I can ask this of.

Bobcat
_________________________
You don't have to be perfect to be wonderful.

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#419359 - 12/17/12 08:57 AM Re: How did you feel when you saw a bigger penis? [Re: TheBobcatAgain]
peroperic2009 Offline
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MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3617
Loc: South-East Europe
Hey Bobcat, I'm sorry that you are struggling with this issue frown
I guess we all were sometimes in the situation that you've described. How did I feel than I can't remember.
But couple years ago when I was in army we have had public showers and off course who wanted could see you know "all".
Well some time later after that shower one of my room-mates came to me and just talked like: "oh I've seen you, you are one of those guys with small penises".
How did I react on that?
Well I tried to put him in overall picture and somehow not to be caught by his words, so I tried to laugh on his remark and by so to make it non-important. It helped me to be aware of his age (he was much younger of me) and to remember of some his inadequacies, there were moments when he needed my help and support so I took it like pure rambling on everything. I've seen him as scared and lost guy who tried to gain something by pointing into others "weak spots". To me such behavior is more or less childish and I've seen it like that, he was poor boy who was never out of his home for long time, he tried to pretend to be tough guy and soon my thoughts were shown as true.
I can admit that I don't like being naked in public places and I'm trying to avoid such situations.
I must say that I don't see at all need in comparing sizes and making remarks on physical appearance. There are things that we can't change. To be honest I don't have any clue why I'm ashamed of nakedness and I'm not proud to admit that.
But beside that I have more issues that bothers me when I don't feel like man enough, like when I'm in crowded place and somewhere in first row of some happenings. I don't like being spotted and watched by others, I feel too exposed and too nervous.
And what struck me from your post are these words:
"But when you lock eyes with a guy who has a bigger penis, and he sees that you have a smaller penis and he smirks at you because he knows he's bigger and better, how can you not feel inferior?"
It could be that all this actually is not about size but rather about beeing seen with such negative attitude and treated like not equaly worth person. Real question is what can we do to not let down to others under such situations and to feel good in own skin?

I'm sure that is possible to overcome this by stop sticking to some negative opinions about self, stop thinking about lost opportunities and trying to build slowly positive approach, step by step. We all need heavily to work to fight negative self image that is left in the most of us as consequence of abuse. We survived something destructive and traces of that destruction is sometimes visible on many different sides. Let's dig all those scars and let's revamp it from zero.

I hope some other guys would add something to this....


Pero

_________________________
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#419504 - 12/18/12 07:32 PM Re: How did you feel when you saw a bigger penis? [Re: TheBobcatAgain]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3488
Loc: somewhere in Africa
Bobcat -

i vividly remember the 1st time - the step-dad - in the shower together. i was 6 and of course - tiny. his was at eye level to me - and not only much bigger - but also hairy and gnarly looking. it was not only bigger - but also intimidating and scary. i don't remember feeling like i wanted to look like or be like that - more like the opposite. i thought he was gross. (he was the first abuser.) the things he did and the way he treated me - i didn't want to be like him in any way. he ridiculed me mercilessly - but not because of my size - but for being weak and wimpy and sissy and no good at anything that was manly and important. puberty was not a welcome time - because i felt like i was turning into him - physically. at that time i didn't know bigger was supposed to be better.

the 2nd time was in a locker room. i was forced to compare with a big buff jock who would have rivaled any porn star imaginable. at least that is the way i remember it. now i am beginning to wonder if BDD - body dysmorphic disorder - can apply to your perceptions of other people as well as the way you see yourself. i know now that i had a pretty high number of the symptoms that go along with that condition. he was my second significant abuser - as far as time span and impact on my self-esteem and self-image. (there had been others in between who were less traumatic.) compared to him i felt embarrassed and inferior and inadequate - however it wasn't just in the genital area - but all over - his height and physique and strength and sports prowess and popularity and leadership and everything - let me know i wasn't up to the standard. i now know that his need to dominate me was because i was a threat to his status - because i was 2nd biggest in that area in the school - but all i felt around him was insignificant. that was when i started wanting to be bigger - to be like him. and when i started compuslsively but secretly comparing with any other guy i could see and with any photos i could find. that usually just made it worse - especially the photos. even finding guys smaller than me didn't really do much to boost my ego.

a lot of my energy through the years has been wasted on comparisons and trying to reassure myself that i am OK. i am finished with that now. what helped? analyzing the whole story from start to finish and seeing it at a distance with objectivity and logic. Allowing myself to feel and express all the emotions that were so confusing and shameful at the time and say in concrete words what i was going through - to my T and to a friend and to my wife. knowing that they do not judge me or think less of me and actually like me the way i am - and that the stats that i place so much importance on are not all that important to them. and yes - my lover/wife - has said that she likes it/me the way i am. she enjoys looking and touching me and playing with me and she likes how i can make her feel. she is satisfied - so i am too. (but i still wish i was more muscular and my face was more handsome!)

don't know if any of this is helpful but - since you asked...
lee
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Something deep inside...
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#419894 - 12/23/12 04:01 AM Re: How did you feel when you saw a bigger penis? [Re: TheBobcatAgain]
Jude Offline


Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1585
Loc: New England
Bobcat,

I am a nurse and over the years and seen them in all sizes and shapes. What I've learned is that there are some bigger than me and some smaller than me, but most of us are in the average range of 5.5-6.3 inches (see article below*). Its actually rare for a man to be much bigger than 6 inches. More than 75% of us are 6" and under. Its only in our imaginations that everyone else seems to be bigger. And we all know that a flaccid penis changes size based on temperature, and also does so based our emotional state. Its also true that we see our own looking down from above, but we see others from a straight-on perspective which gives a better visual perspective on size.

I have a friend who is 6'9" tall and while he hasn't been specific about his penis measument, he has confided to me that his large size below the belt has made it very difficult to satisfy his wife, who is all of 5'4". A big one may look good, but can actually be a handicap in lovemaking.

For myself, I am coming to the realization that what makes me a man has less to do with whats in my pants, and more to do with how I live my life along with other people. After all, most people don't see my penis, but many do see my behavior and how I treat others. When I die I'd rather have my obituary say "He was known for his love and kindness." than have it say "Boy did he have a big one!"

Think about it.

Jude

*A review published in the 2007 issue of BJU International showed the average erect penis length to be 14–16 cm (5.5–6.3 in) and girth to be 12–13 cm (4.7–5.1 in). The paper compared results of twelve studies conducted on different populations in several countries. Various methods of measurements were included in the review. Source: Wylie, K.; Eardley, I. (2007). "Penile size and the 'small penis syndrome'". BJU international 99 (6): 1449–1455.

_________________________
Can't be bothered with sorrow
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I'm using up the time but feeling fine every day
That's why I'm telling you
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#424396 - 02/05/13 12:56 PM Re: How did you feel when you saw a bigger penis? [Re: TheBobcatAgain]
TheBobcatAgain Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/13/10
Posts: 507
Loc: AZ, U.S.A.
Thanks, guys, for the input. Sorry it took me so long to respond to this.

Pero - you are, of course, correct. Smirking at someone else's penis size is a form of bullying, and I was bullied mercilessly throughout junior high and high school. As such, I'm very scared of bullies and their methods of emotional torture. Like you, I should remember that they are the ones who should be pitied...but it's hard to pity a bully when you fear them so much. You are also correct that it IS a self-conscious body issue. I NEED to feel comfortable in my own skin...I just don't know how.

Jude - lol, I LOVE your comment about obituaries. Of course, you have the right of it. And your comment that most guys don't see my penis but rather my behavior really made me think. I know having a penis makes me a man; what makes me a good or bad man is my behavior, not my penis size. I KNOW this, it's very logical...so why do I have such a hard time FEELING it? Why do I have such a hard time BELIEVING it? God, I wish I knew.

Lee - thank you for remembering back to how it felt, and for telling me what helped you. Your comment about finding photos of guys with smaller penises didn't even do much to boost your ego resounded through me; I've done the same and felt the same way. Having a lover and being told that you are perfect the way you are and that he/she loves your penis probably helps tremendously. I've never had a lover, but I've always figured it helps boost the ego.

I'm glad you guys found ways to combat your penis size issues. I'll try to remember your comments the next time I feel inferior.

Thanks again.

Your loving brother,

Bobcat
_________________________
You don't have to be perfect to be wonderful.

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#424443 - 02/05/13 08:45 PM Re: How did you feel when you saw a bigger penis? [Re: TheBobcatAgain]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6571
Loc: Never Sugar Mountain
I honestly never knew it was possible to even have a big(ger) one...from the perspective of a 7.5yo. So I thought it was surely not a "wiener."
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#424448 - 02/05/13 09:00 PM Re: How did you feel when you saw a bigger penis? [Re: TheBobcatAgain]
CloudyFalls Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/18/12
Posts: 170
Loc: Ohio
My cousin (my abuser) always had a bigger penis than me, I never started feeling inadequate until I was 16 or so when I began to realize he'd probably always be bigger than me. And maybe I thought that's why he was always the dominant one, that and he was always tougher than me. I have an average penis size, but it doesn't alleviate me feeling inadequate. So much so that it causes me anxiety induced ED, if I had a partner with a bigger penis than me it would definitely make me feel inadequate and intimidated.
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#424450 - 02/05/13 09:16 PM Re: How did you feel when you saw a bigger penis? [Re: TheBobcatAgain]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3488
Loc: somewhere in Africa
Bobcat - because of the way you asked the question, my answer really distorted the way i told my own story. i answered honestly about how i felt about bigger guys but that is only half of it.

i was an early bloomer who was full-sized and developed in that area at only 11 years old, though having an average body size. i was far ahead of my peers and didn't really think much of it until they discovered that fact. suddenly i was a freak show and had no peace or privacy but was on display whenever they could get to me - in sufficient numbers and out of earshot of adults. i was a novelty and toy and the surrogate for what they wished they had but didn't yet. it was so ironic - they envied my larger size and hairiness and sekual development - while i envied their "normalcy" - small, smooth and immature. i am probly in a tiny minority of guys who were abused by peers who were far less physically mature than myself.

one of the effects of this was to convince me that i was a huge freak. then, when confronted by the super-jock - i suddenly felt like i was too small and inadequate. neither one was good. and i have flipped back and forth throughout my life between the two extremes.

another effect was to convince me that i was weak and powerless and had to be compliant and submissive to any and all influences - whether requests, demands or threats. of course, the prior experiences with the step-dad paved the way for that. i was well-conditioned by the time the other boys entered the picture. even one-on-one with another kid the same size and strength or smaller or weaker than me, i doubt that i'd have resisted or fought back. and naturally that learned helplessness fed my conviction that it had been at least partly my fault or that i could have prevented or stopped it if i had really wanted to.

just to say - it's all messed up - no matter what your measurements or placement on the time-line or comparisons with others. one extreme isn't necessarily better than the other. other peolple's opinions and judgments shouldn't have that much power over us - to make us feel so bad about ourselves.

Lee
_________________________
As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago


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#424500 - 02/06/13 09:26 AM Re: How did you feel when you saw a bigger penis? [Re: TheBobcatAgain]
Jude Offline


Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1585
Loc: New England
Traveler...your experience was alot like mine. I was also an early bloomer. In 6th grade they started making us take showers after gym class, so everybody saw everybody else naked. I remember how weird it was to be only one of two boys who had pubic hair and a more developed penis. I was teased and made fun of. It was not at all something to be "proud of". Strange how things turned around and eventually the boys who were late developing, were the ones being teased. None of us knew what it all meant, but a guys penis was always an object of scorn or ridicule back then.
_________________________
Can't be bothered with sorrow
And I can't be bothered with hate, no, no
I'm using up the time but feeling fine every day
That's why I'm telling you
I just want to celebrate another day of livin'
Rare Earth

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#424534 - 02/06/13 06:45 PM Re: How did you feel when you saw a bigger penis? [Re: TheBobcatAgain]
A270465 Offline


Registered: 01/04/13
Posts: 49
Loc: SE Mich
I have been blessed i guess with a 'large' member according to the stats available, but i remember seeing a couple of old family members (now passed) that seemed enormous to me.. but i was a kid too... perspective i guess.

my 2 cents
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#424585 - 02/07/13 05:29 AM Re: How did you feel when you saw a bigger penis? [Re: TheBobcatAgain]
SoccerStar Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/15/12
Posts: 916
Loc: New York
"What is that?"

Then he shoved it in.
_________________________
My story

"Don't think it hasn't been a little slice of heaven just because it hasn't!" --Bugs Bunny

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#424591 - 02/07/13 06:54 AM Re: How did you feel when you saw a bigger penis? [Re: TheBobcatAgain]
LazyPirate Offline


Registered: 01/03/13
Posts: 106
Loc: Ontario
I was also an early bloomer in every way... Taller, larger, hairier than the rest of the boys, when we were in about 6 or 7th grade. I was never made fun of for that at the time. But fast forward to high school & I was short, fat & still hairy... With just an average penis. Ever since then I have been very very very self concious about my penis size. Even 18 years on with my wife & I get scared & flaccid in the sack sometimes. Not at all her fault for making me feel any shame. It's all in my head.
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The Bluebird of Happiness long absent from his life, Ned is visited by the Chicken of Depression. - Gary Larson

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#424709 - 02/08/13 02:58 PM Re: How did you feel when you saw a bigger penis? [Re: TheBobcatAgain]
Suwanee Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/30/12
Posts: 743
Loc: Southeast USA
.

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#425062 - 02/12/13 02:08 PM Re: How did you feel when you saw a bigger penis? [Re: TheBobcatAgain]
BuffaloCO Offline


Registered: 07/14/12
Posts: 432
Loc: USA
Interesting question but I don't know the answer. I simply don't remember the first one I saw but know it was bigger as was on a perp. I'm not big, but I don't care either. The only problem is has given me is that some perps liked the small size of everything, made me look younger then I was to them and that's sad, yet another thing they could use.
_________________________
“We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark. The real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.” - Plato

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#425119 - 02/12/13 09:49 PM Re: How did you feel when you saw a bigger penis? [Re: TheBobcatAgain]
Shields Offline


Registered: 08/01/12
Posts: 13
Loc: Georgia
Same boat here. I think that everybody is bigger than I am. I was abused as a child so I remember seeing my perp and thinking he was huge! I guess that has always stuck with me, and has always made me feel inferrer in that area. I know I am not small (not big either ;o) but I am never comfortable being nude around other guys and always find myself comparing what I have. It sucks and I hate the facts that I can't be comfortable in my own skin. It has made me a pretty private person and I have even found myself trying to hide my naked body from my wife. I also have been wanting to join a gym for many years but never have because I am to afraid to be seen. So basically understand where you are coming from and want ya to know you are not alone in those thoughts.

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#425232 - 02/13/13 10:00 PM Re: How did you feel when you saw a bigger penis? [Re: TheBobcatAgain]
xxanxus Offline


Registered: 02/09/13
Posts: 23
Loc: Global
First time, well I was impressed because I'm a bit of a size queen. on a more serious note, I was a little jealous but, I have been told that i have a big penis but i don't think so. I just think it's the right size for my build, as I'm 6'3".

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#425236 - 02/13/13 10:59 PM Re: How did you feel when you saw a bigger penis? [Re: TheBobcatAgain]
brother2none Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/30/09
Posts: 267
Loc: Undisclosed
I was traumatized and it lived with me for three decades until I got some effective therapy. I woke up in the middle of the night with an older boy on top of me, had me pinned and was attempting to put his penis in my mouth. Couldnt have looked any bigger, and in my mind I have "made" it even larger that it was, but that is the effect of being abused, I understand that now.

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#425651 - 02/18/13 02:06 AM Re: How did you feel when you saw a bigger penis? [Re: TheBobcatAgain]
DavoSwim Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/06/13
Posts: 334
Loc: Iowa, USA
It's hard to see a bigger penis. It sends me back to the time when I was 11, before puberty, and before mine started to grow. That was when I was abused, and despite the fact that I am now grown, and my penis has grown too, I feel powerless, but more importantly overpowered and unable to protect myself.

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#443112 - 08/03/13 01:14 AM Re: How did you feel when you saw a bigger penis? [Re: TheBobcatAgain]
GoldStone Offline


Registered: 05/28/13
Posts: 220
Loc: Far East
i was just thinking and praying about this this morning.

The first man's penis I saw was my mom's boyfriend. He would shower with me when i was 5 or 6 and he would put me against the wall with it in my face, half hard, when there was plenty of room for me to stand BEHIND him in the tub. He would stand as close as possible without touching. This gave me an enormous proximity fetish as an adult.

I was already orgasmic at that time and I thought, if my little dick can do that, WHAT CAN HIS DO??

And even now, I live with the delusion that bigger guys have better orgasms, more sex drive, and just better all around sexual feeling. And guys smaller than me can't really have orgasms as good as mine.

Its insane! Of course I would go for the bigger guys when seeking a partner....but even after years of experience and 100s of men, and evidence to debunk the theory...I STILL find myself believing it.

So that's how I felt when I saw a bigger penis...


Edited by GoldStone (08/03/13 01:15 AM)

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#443116 - 08/03/13 03:48 AM Re: How did you feel when you saw a bigger penis? [Re: TheBobcatAgain]
bodyguard8367 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/16/12
Posts: 1159
Loc: ""
""


Edited by bodyguard8367 (02/27/14 06:39 PM)

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#443182 - 08/03/13 10:24 PM ! [Re: Jude]
Smalltown80sBoy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/25/12
Posts: 2217
!


Edited by Smalltown80sBoy (02/28/14 09:14 PM)

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#443183 - 08/03/13 10:25 PM ! [Re: SoccerStar]
Smalltown80sBoy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/25/12
Posts: 2217
!


Edited by Smalltown80sBoy (02/28/14 09:14 PM)

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#453697 - 11/14/13 10:50 PM Re: How did you feel when you saw a bigger penis? [Re: TheBobcatAgain]
gettingstronger Offline


Registered: 09/24/13
Posts: 186
Loc: Virginia
Interesting posts, guys. I used to feel envious of those who had larger ones, but now I've discovered how to be happy with what I have. My size, you wonder? Larger than some, smaller than others. And I like it that way. smile

Bob


Edited by gettingstronger (11/14/13 10:51 PM)
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#453729 - 11/15/13 06:14 AM Re: How did you feel when you saw a bigger penis? [Re: TheBobcatAgain]
On The Fringe Offline


Registered: 09/21/13
Posts: 326
Loc: Southeast USA
Before I learned how to use it I was worried about size.

It is a connection device. In kidding with women about toys, they all said they prefer a man, the physicality, the connection.

Being average or even close to average is enough size to do the job.

No reason to feel inadequate really. Our bodies were misused, and we were victims. It made me think incorrectly about many things. Time and patience with myself has helped to attempt to correctly see things.

The opinions of women have greatly helped me put that issue to bed.

Make the connection. That is the real purpose.

Best wishes with getting things sorted.
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#453769 - 11/15/13 12:26 PM Re: How did you feel when you saw a bigger penis? [Re: TheBobcatAgain]
George Offline
Member

Registered: 01/29/01
Posts: 122
Loc: NY metro
I'm sure I saw my fathers first in a changing room at the beach, I must've have been awed at the difference, but not changed in any way by the experience. Later after the abuse by my uncle started in, that's where the feelings of broken or lack of masculinity, not measuring up to boyhood or manhood, feeling like a freak came into play. For decades I constantly measured my self worth & masculinity against others and forever came up short. Yes, I had penis envy too because all that. I'm average btw, but always saw myself as smaller, being a late bloomer didn't help things, even though I wasn't the latest bloomer. The SSA & acting out I did back then was due to all that mess locked up in my head. I came to realize the SSA / acting out was never about love, honor or respect with other men, it was pure conquering, feeding my need to be stronger & better than them, to make me *feel* better all the while putting another knife in my heart at the same time. After dealing with all that mess, the penis envy is gone, I don't have to have a bigger one or conquer one to feel confident in my own masculinity anymore. I still do fall back into measuring my overall accomplishments in life against others, I hate that. I have accomplished way more than most kids I grew up with that dealt with a lot less crap than I did, I have to remind myself of that fact. Old habits die hard.

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#453770 - 11/15/13 12:27 PM Re: How did you feel when you saw a bigger penis? [Re: TheBobcatAgain]
jas4159 Offline


Registered: 06/16/11
Posts: 300
This is an interesting question. When i first saw a larger penis ( mine is average) i thought I was inadaquate. But only for a short time. In reality, a bigger penis does not make you a better lover. There is far more to sex than penis size. But it was a little of a set back.

rich

justanothersurvivror.wordpress.com.
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Thanks

rich

justanothersurvivror.wordpress.com

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#453823 - 11/15/13 05:14 PM Re: How did you feel when you saw a bigger penis? [Re: TheBobcatAgain]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 3428
Loc: O Kanada
my immediate reaction was awe.
then i became jealous.
then i became ashamed of my own and hid it from view for a very long time until i finally got over it.
i could hardly wait for puberty to arrive,
so i could get a real one.
in my case, i had to wait until i was sixteen.
i was a late bloomer.
once i decided that i was "big" enough, i lost all inhibition.
that did not happen until my mid twenties.
my concern over size completely disappeared during that period of promiscuity and decadence.
in fact, at that point, i went to the opposite extreme, and became a nudist for some years and even an art school model (great job).
that part of my life is over.

i did not have access to pornography,
so i was never confronted with the unrealistic cross section represented.

ultimately, penis size was important to me for about ten years.

since about 1985, it does not even enter my mind,
and does not interfere.
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Victor|Victim

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Love
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#453928 - 11/16/13 01:39 AM Re: How did you feel when you saw a bigger penis? [Re: TheBobcatAgain]
tbkkfile Offline


Registered: 09/16/13
Posts: 267
Loc: Surrey, United Kingdom
The first penis that I saw was erect and was my perps, I didn't even know you could get an erection, its the one freeze frame that I can still see, I wish that I couldnt
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#454048 - 11/16/13 05:33 PM Re: How did you feel when you saw a bigger penis? [Re: TheBobcatAgain]
lapchinj Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/07/11
Posts: 1235
Loc: New York
Originally Posted By: traveler
i was an early bloomer who was full-sized and developed in that area at only 11 years old, though having an average body size. i was far ahead of my peers and didn't really think much of it until they discovered that fact. suddenly i was a freak show and had no peace or privacy but was on display whenever they could get to me - in sufficient numbers and out of earshot of adults. i was a novelty and toy and the surrogate for what they wished they had but didn't yet. it was so ironic - they envied my larger size and hairiness and sekual development - while i envied their "normalcy" - small, smooth and immature. i am probly in a tiny minority of guys who were abused by peers who were far less physically mature than myself.


Originally Posted By: Jude
Traveler...your experience was alot like mine. I was also an early bloomer. In 6th grade they started making us take showers after gym class, so everybody saw everybody else naked. I remember how weird it was to be only one of two boys who had pubic hair and a more developed penis. I was teased and made fun of. It was not at all something to be "proud of". Strange how things turned around and eventually the boys who were late developing, were the ones being teased. None of us knew what it all meant, but a guys penis was always an object of scorn or ridicule back then.

Hey Lee & jude

I remember in camp for the two weeks I was there when I was 10 there was a kid in the bunk who had bigger privates that were also hairy. Like you two were bullied this kid was also. I never understood why but I knew it had something to do with his privates. I remember him getting beat up also after coming out of the shower one day after swimming. The head counselor took each one of us aside to find out what happened. I told who was in on the beating and in general what was going on in the bunk with this kid. There were many of us who played with him but there were 2 or three bullies that always picked on him. I was there only two weeks so I don't know what happened in the long run. I really felt sorry for that kid and we usually came forward to help him but once they started on him all we could do is go for a counselor.

But then it was my turn where I had developed pretty much by 15 but had no body hair at all. I was bullied in high school by the seniors but I that was primarily because they knew I was faggot. But not having hair got me the name of girly. I don't know if I was pushed around because they didn't like faggots or I was girly or both. One thing is interesting is that if you were developed too early you got bullied, if you developed too late you got bullied, but if you were a prostitute being pimped out like me then no hair was a ticket to one's longevity on earth.

Peace, Rainbows, Love, Healing & Hope
<3 XOXO
Jeff
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#454058 - 11/16/13 08:42 PM Re: How did you feel when you saw a bigger penis? [Re: TheBobcatAgain]
Ever-fixed Mark Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/02/10
Posts: 729
Loc: United States
Bobcat,

On the Fringe's response really resonated with me. I've never had a specific thing about penis size, although I was always the smallest and youngest all the way through school. <insert standard bullying scenarios here>

*** I'm going to talk about sex explicitly, but factually, so this might be triggering for some ***

I've been spending some time listening to the Savage Lovecast (a podcast done by Sex advice columnist Dan Savage) over the last few months. I've been educating myself and working to remove my misconceptions and allay my fears. One of the things I've learned from real people talking about their experiences of sex is that guys with big dicks can be lazy, terrible, or inconsiderate lovers - just like anybody else. The other thing I've learned, is that guys with average sized dicks tend to try harder to give pleasure to their partners. In some recent shows women have talked about preferring average sized men to bigger men because they try harder!

For straight guys, this is a plus because 75% of women can't orgasm from vaginal stimulation alone. Most women need direct clitoral stimulation and, when it comes to that, straight men are all on pretty even ground. For gay guys, this is also a plus because - for a start - there is lots two guys can do where dick size doesn't matter at all. It's also a plus because "sport-sized" dicks are an all-access pass for anal sex (where bigger ones can't fit) and average sized dicks can all reach the prostate just fine.

What I heard men and women talking about was what On the Fringe was talking about. Connection, being considerate, and paying attention to your partner. I understand how seeing and knowing there are bigger dicks than ours out there can trigger shame and inferiority in specific situations. It makes me feel better, though, knowing that us average guys have as much chance of pleasing our partners in bed than better endowed men.

-efm
_________________________

Everybody here's got a story to tell
Everybody's been through their own hell
There's nothing too special about getting hurt
Getting over it, that takes the work

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#463149 - 03/25/14 02:53 PM Re: How did you feel when you saw a bigger penis? [Re: TheBobcatAgain]
jas4159 Offline


Registered: 06/16/11
Posts: 300
it also scared the hell out of me because i was eight
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rich

justanothersurvivror.wordpress.com

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#463380 - 03/29/14 04:43 PM Re: How did you feel when you saw a bigger penis? [Re: TheBobcatAgain]
lapchinj Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/07/11
Posts: 1235
Loc: New York

I guess I should have been more specific with my previous post. If a penis belonged to or looked like the penis of a bodybuilder I would totally freak out. I can't even look at porn where the guy is built like a roid bodybuilder. I wanted to join a gym but couldn't because of those steroid built bodybuilder weight pumpers that used to use me at the age of 14 (100-105 lbs) as a dumbbell or called a little shit, little asshole, little prick, little fuck, little faggot, little girly....etc.

Peace, Rainbows, Love, Healing & Hope
Jeff
_________________________
Stick around, It will get better....

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#463399 - 03/30/14 01:14 AM Re: How did you feel when you saw a bigger penis? [Re: TheBobcatAgain]
On The Fringe Offline


Registered: 09/21/13
Posts: 326
Loc: Southeast USA
Such a funny topic!

It screams of insecurity to me. Early on when I was learning of love with a woman it was all mysterious. What is funny is that with my perp it was the first sex, and it became natural.

As horrendous as it is, I was great at sucking a cock at 7. Wow. That is strange to write that here and not be humiliated. I guess that is real progress. I'm a victim once, not for the rest of my life.

But back on topic.

When I thought of sex in my youth, it was about my penis. And by that yardstick I was measured,

Now I hear what my wife says and does. Women love men's tight little buns. The cute butt, look at all the jeans commercials smile. I heard a woman at work talking to another on about liking to enjoy it but mot see it! Crazy women. But I have heard that before.

Good luck with the self acceptance adventure.

Remember, don't worry about being good enough. If your partner picked you and accepts you, you are already good enough.. The deals done. Just enjoy the relationship.
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I feel more like I do now than I did when I got here.

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#464046 - 04/13/14 10:04 PM Re: How did you feel when you saw a bigger penis? [Re: TheBobcatAgain]
I Want 2 Thrive Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/04/14
Posts: 81
Loc: Florida, U.S.A
I was small in every other way, it was logical that would be smaller was well. All I remember when seeing them (large penises) was please don't. For me it was not a comparison issue. It was a "they ruined sex" issue. The one truth about penises they come in all different shapes and sizes. I know, I have experienced way too many first hand.

From 10 to 21 I could not think of my body as a sexual organism. From 1975 to 2002 I only had 4 sexual partners.

My first was a hooker in Germany. She was a 21st birthday gift from my sergeant. I could not perform. I was left with feelings of complete shame and failure. It did not help; 1) I was drunk, 2) My sergeant (who was also drunk) was down on the street screaming are you done yet! NO PRESSURE.

My second was a one night stand. It happened during the heavy drinking years. I cannot remember what happened, total blackout. I did wake up in her bed. She was sober, I was not. My old friends shame and guilt followed as I slid out the door.

After five years into therapy, I tried again. A girl friend of 2 weeks. It was great (translation I was happy, she was satisfied). I did learn a valuable lesson, NEVER share a bed with someone crazier than you are! Had a very bad trigger event when she took the handcuffs from my shadow box (a gift from my security section at my previous base) and secured herself to my bed. After finding a key that would fit them, we broke up.

I decided after that relationship, sex had to mean more than an exchange of bodily fluid. Next time I would do it right, I wanted the entire experience to be "more." Translation lots of cold showers.

I found her, she was the whole package. We shared common hobbies and interests. We were both actors, and vocal performers. We had known each other for a while and dated for 1 year (no sex) before I popped the question, she said yes! At this time I decided we needed to have the "what happened to me" talk. I was still in therapy I figured she might just catch on eventually. She was great, she said it was no problem. We had decided to get married after I got back from my 1 year remote assignment to Alaska. Two weeks after I arrived in the aleutian chain I got THE letter. Never date an actress, you never know when they are acting.

In 2000 my Air Force career was winding down, and I long since gave up on ever finding a mate. I figured it was not to be. The upside on this I could buy an RV and just drive around living on my pension. Ask me how I know God has a sense of humor. The same week I made my decision to become a road hermit, I had 3 different women initiate pursuit of me! The first I dismissed immediately, a woman from Boston tried to bed me on the first date, been there done that not again. The last two were tougher. I decided I would be up front with both of them about my past. I figured whoever didn't run for the hills was the girl for me. To my surprise neither had anything but support for me. Wow, this was not to be easy. I told my T who leaned back in his chair and laughed. I cannot advise on this one. I spent the weekend with one at her mom's home (no sex) just visit and talk. I realized what she was looking for immediately, someone to save her. She wanted a man to sweep in fix the drama in her life so she wouldn't have to deal with it herself. I do not have a problem with baggage everyone has it, God knows I have the full set of matched luggage. But, I know I am no one's porter, I deserve more.

My wife and I were married in 2002. She is still learning about my past, even the ugly bits all I get from her is love and support. I often have awoken from a disturbing nightmare/remembrance to her lovingly rubbing my back. I roll over see her face and all is well. For the record she has shared with me I am not as big as her first husband and that is okay. She said then sex was painful, now it is pleasant.

I hope my rambling helps.
_________________________
Izzy

"There are far, far better things ahead than any we leave behind" C.S. Lewis
My Story: Short / Long version. *TRIGGERS*

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#464067 - 04/14/14 12:02 PM Re: How did you feel when you saw a bigger penis? [Re: I Want 2 Thrive]
Chase Eric Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/25/10
Posts: 1443
I wasn't going to weigh in on this topic because I didn't really trust its pertinence to CSA. But I thought about it a lot, and decided to add a few words.

When I was a kid going through the sexual abuse, it was an experience of touch and shape and smell and feel. It was physicality more than anything else. I had no synopsis of it, no interpretations, no words for it. It just was.

The physicality was very pertinent to the intensity and frequency of my abuse. The memories of my perspectives are muddy, but the memory of his physical endowment, shape, scent are vivid. It defines the carnality of it, which was the bottom line of the crime. The fact that I knew him at that level, and he knew me at a level he should not have, defines the CSA experience as I knew it.

When my abuser got caught molesting some of the girls (they did not know I was a victim, too), it became apparent to me that the adults liked to talk around the issue with sanitized language, maintaining some safe radius of deference to avoid being tarnished. In their cautious side-stepping, they ultimately missed much. They missed that I was a victim, and they missed that their "solution" to the problem put me in even greater jeopardy.

At one point shortly after he was caught but before any decisions on his fate were made, I asked my dad why he did it. I was only thirteen at that point, understood little beyond my own senses and physical experience, and my dad told me that he molested because "he wasn't getting enough love at home."

?

Not enough love at home? What the hell did that mean? I was so confused. And I look back and realize he never spoke to me. He spoke to himself.

So I think that discussions on the "physicalities" of our abuse are what the child truly knows and remembers and are definitely pertinent. So few people want to look at it. But we had to live it and understand it on those terms.
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#464081 - 04/14/14 07:03 PM Re: How did you feel when you saw a bigger penis? [Re: Chase Eric]
lapchinj Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/07/11
Posts: 1235
Loc: New York
Originally Posted By: Chase Eric
I wasn't going to weigh in on this topic because I didn't really trust its pertinence to CSA. But ....

Even when I was an adult and I saw one in the showers it just threw me back to my younger years. The bigger it got the only thing it meant to me was more pain, blood and wishing I were dead.

Peace, Rainbows, Love, Healing & Hope
<3 XOXO
Jeff
_________________________
Stick around, It will get better....

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#464083 - 04/14/14 07:06 PM Re: How did you feel when you saw a bigger penis? [Re: TheBobcatAgain]
jas4159 Offline


Registered: 06/16/11
Posts: 300
same here Lapchinj
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rich

justanothersurvivror.wordpress.com

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#464149 - 04/16/14 09:52 AM Re: How did you feel when you saw a bigger penis? [Re: lapchinj]
I Want 2 Thrive Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/04/14
Posts: 81
Loc: Florida, U.S.A
Originally Posted By: lapchinj
Even when I was an adult and I saw one in the showers it just threw me back to my younger years. The bigger it got the only thing it meant to me was more pain, blood and wishing I were dead.


AMEN My BROTHER!
_________________________
Izzy

"There are far, far better things ahead than any we leave behind" C.S. Lewis
My Story: Short / Long version. *TRIGGERS*

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#464157 - 04/16/14 01:10 PM Re: How did you feel when you saw a bigger penis? [Re: TheBobcatAgain]
lapchinj Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/07/11
Posts: 1235
Loc: New York
Hey IW2T

It's great when I can put a face to a post and I'm glad you put one up. The smile is great even though it might be a coverup.

I don't want to pry but I see you look like you have blond hair like I did. Did you find that you were bullied more because of the color of your hair. I did because I think that I stuck out of between my friends in high school. There were a couple of us that were gay so I was the first to get my ass handed to me. I'm just wondering if it mattered to you no matter what your orientation.

One of my grandchildren is named Izzy also, but usually it's short for Isadore. My son told me he liked the name Izzy so that was that. I guess that's as good a reason as any smile

My teens were in the '60s so I hid my past since I got out of the USAF at 22. I hid until 3 years ago when I accidently walking through the West Village (Greenwich Village) and had a total meltdown.

I have a friend here on MS who was also a lifer and was stationed in Germany, if you want I can give you his name. I'm sure you two would have some interesting shit to shoot grin.

Sorry you had to be here but glad to meet you.

Peace, Rainbows, Love, Healing & Hope
<3 XOXO
Jeff
_________________________
Stick around, It will get better....

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#464164 - 04/16/14 03:14 PM Re: How did you feel when you saw a bigger penis? [Re: TheBobcatAgain]
I Want 2 Thrive Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/04/14
Posts: 81
Loc: Florida, U.S.A
Jeff,
My avatar was the last school photo before my CSA began. Thomas told me, it was that smile that first attracted him. It took a very long time before I could even look at that photo again.

The hair color was never an issue, the length back in the early 70's was. Yes, I was a hippie child! My fellow classmates through middle and high school ASSUMED I was gay, and added to the hell that was my life at the time. The fact that I was a wrestler didn't help, THANKS DAD for pushing that one. If there are former wrestlers out there: Freshman - 89 lbs exhibition class, Sophomore - 98 lbs Varsity when an injury ended my "career."
_________________________
Izzy

"There are far, far better things ahead than any we leave behind" C.S. Lewis
My Story: Short / Long version. *TRIGGERS*

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#464172 - 04/16/14 04:27 PM Re: How did you feel when you saw a bigger penis? [Re: TheBobcatAgain]
lapchinj Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/07/11
Posts: 1235
Loc: New York
Hey Izzy

Then that's a big jump and step forward for you to post that avatar.

I had a lot of bad hair days also but in the '60s it was taboo. My parents were never around but my high school principal was so if I wasn't careful I would end up with a short haircut. I think my avatar was taken when I was 12 when the pimping started for me. I went to a "very expensive private school" as my mother always reminded me of and so hair was allowed to be a little longer because money talks. My sports were judo, high diving and gymnastics with the last two even with each other. It was judo that I wanted to go to the olympics like one of my instructors did.

I was in the right place at the right time but the instructor who I loved as a father had different plans which ended that idea. It took me into prostitution, drugs and finally flunking out of college and welcomed to a 1-A draft classification. I had this idea that I should put my name down on the USAF waiting list @17 when I graduated high school. Then the month after I spent 3 college semesters flunking English 101 I was taken into the USAF, I was 18-1/2. There was no way I wanted to die in some fucken rice paddy. Anyway that ended all thoughts of anything.

I got out, sort of, at 22 moved away from everything I knew, started and new life and buried my past until 3 years ago.

Anyway, I talk too much. I hope you are able to heal here, there are a really good bunch of guys here which make up a brotherhood which is outstanding in many ways.

Peace, Rainbows, Love, Healing & Hope
<3 XOXO
Jeff
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