Newest Members
RodrigoBR, MJ545, Marant, BeingFound, journey4two
12332 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
blueelectron9 (48), Grunty1967b (2014), highflight (42), jocks44 (54), kitm1 (47), Porrick (44)
Who's Online
3 registered (hike1972, new horizons, 1 invisible), 21 Guests and 5 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12332 Members
74 Forums
63413 Topics
443352 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Twitter
Page 1 of 2 1 2 >
Topic Options
#419169 - 12/15/12 01:39 AM do you ever wanna be just a regular guy?
kuurt Offline
Member

Registered: 12/23/05
Posts: 168
Loc: louisiana
cause i know i do. i just wanna be a regular guy who does regular things, has normal guy thoughts and can just laugh and act normal with other guys...and with girls too, of course. man...i just want to be normal so bad.
_________________________
"if it keeps on rainin' the levee's gonna break.
and if the levee breaks, i'll have no place to stay"
-led zeppelin

Top
#419171 - 12/15/12 01:42 AM Re: do you ever wanna be just a regular guy? [Re: kuurt]
kuurt Offline
Member

Registered: 12/23/05
Posts: 168
Loc: louisiana
no triggers, no weird feelings, no panic attacks, no irrational fears, no hating yourself, no crying, no abnormal behaviors that make it hard to have friends.
_________________________
"if it keeps on rainin' the levee's gonna break.
and if the levee breaks, i'll have no place to stay"
-led zeppelin

Top
#419172 - 12/15/12 02:21 AM Re: do you ever wanna be just a regular guy? [Re: kuurt]
Jude Offline


Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1513
Loc: New England
Originally Posted By: kuurt
...i just wanna be a regular guy who does regular things, has normal guy thoughts and can just laugh and act normal with other guys...and with girls too, of course. man...i just want to be normal so bad.


Man I wouldn't know "normal" if it ran up to me and kicked me in the ass. I don't think we can be normal. We can only approach it....like the speed of light. Whatever.

Jude
_________________________
I went back to the doctor
To get another shrink.
I sit and tell him about my weekend,
But he never betrays what he thinks.
Can you see the real me, doctor?.
The Who

Top
#419173 - 12/15/12 02:44 AM Re: do you ever wanna be just a regular guy? [Re: kuurt]
cosmos Offline


Registered: 11/12/12
Posts: 181
Loc: Puget Sound
Always and forever but at this point itís just not possible. I think itís possible to learn to live with and accept fully who and what I am and everything Iíve experienced but Iíll never know what itís like to be ďnormalĒ. Iíve spent 40 years in denial, Iím whole now, empty inside, but whole, I could nor would I want to ever go back to my old life, the PTSD the way I treated people the lack of caring the total lack of concern for the rest of humanity, I accept this as a challenge not like a fight or even a race just something else that I have to accept and learn about so maybe just maybe Iíll have a chance to do something good in the world.

Cee
_________________________
"it has never yet been discovered how to make man unknow his knowledge, or unthink his thoughts"

T. Paine

Top
#419176 - 12/15/12 07:53 AM Re: do you ever wanna be just a regular guy? [Re: kuurt]
cant_remember Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/05
Posts: 1039
I've said it before on these boards, and I'll say it again: the normals are so *BORING*!

Yes, I would rather be normal and have normal feelings and interactions with women; yes, that would be great. But that's never going to happen.

And the conclusion I came to long ago, even before I started my recovery journey, is that normal people have such a limited understanding of the world and how it operates. So much to them is literally unimaginable. Whereas we, the not-normals, we do not have the luxury to be ignorant of mankind's dark side and how people use negative forces to influence their world.

The normals are blind and ignorant and boring. True, they hurt less than us; but that blessing comes with its own price -- a lack of knowledge that we know all too well.

Cant
_________________________
Recovery is possible. Hang in there, brothers.

Top
#419177 - 12/15/12 08:13 AM Re: do you ever wanna be just a regular guy? [Re: kuurt]
SoccerStar Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/15/12
Posts: 915
Loc: New York
I just want to be able to sleep without pills. That would be all the normal I could ask for.
_________________________
My story

"Don't think it hasn't been a little slice of heaven just because it hasn't!" --Bugs Bunny

Top
#419206 - 12/15/12 04:47 PM Re: do you ever wanna be just a regular guy? [Re: kuurt]
1lifenow Offline


Registered: 03/07/11
Posts: 398
Loc: west coast
there is no normal

why are we trying to find it?

and we cant wish, pray , hope , drink , sex, medicate or otherwise alter our present circumstance without it having been painted by past colours. But we can still make it a beautiful painting cuz our pallette has so much more depth of hues and shading that "regular people " just cant see. that makes us hyper normal.

Last night , At a party put on by a gay friend who like me, has teen kids, the topic turned to happiness and the lightness of the season. One guy talked about how in his forties he is finally able to find that place. Sure enough , like me he is a survivor. We talked about how that sense of whimsy gets buried or was never there in the first place. But it doesnt mean we cant find it, only that it may take longer or may look different from the "normal" gay men (talk about an oxymoron).

So hell no, i dont want to be a regular guy. Wishing or wanting something that's not gonna happen is wasted energy spent on not having fun. At this point i need and deserve all the chuckles and lightness possible.

So for the season , i offer a toast to the happiness to trump past ghosts and find a new normal- warts and all. tho it sure looked like hell and was anything but regular, Charlie Brown's xmas tree was festive and triumphant in the end.
_________________________
The need for love lies at the very foundation of human existence. Dalai Lama

WoR Barrie 2011

Top
#419214 - 12/15/12 06:14 PM Re: do you ever wanna be just a regular guy? [Re: kuurt]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3377
Loc: somewhere in Africa
talking with my T about this yesterday - i didn't say "i want to be normal" - but he had asked me what i thought it would look like when i am where i want to be. my talking point yesterday was = not see everything in life through the filter of abuse effects and coping mechanisms. to be able to leave that behind or put it aside as my most constant and conscious frame of reference and only bring it out when i deliberately decide to. he was the one who used the "N" word.

one thing i took away is that there is NO SUCH THING as a one-size-fits-all definition of "NORMAL" !!! it is an illusion that is unattainable because everyone is different - and some of us are more different than others! you'd never believe how screwed up some of those apparently normal people are! but he told me that I AM normal! i just laughed. he said the goals and dreams i have are normal ones - to be happy, to have good relationships, to not be haunted by the past. he said that it is possible to make the choice about how to think and what to think about.

ironically - i was at a party last night and there was a mixer game with "who am i" identities on everyone's backs. i was "the Ghost of Christmas Past."

Lee
_________________________
As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago


Top
#419216 - 12/15/12 06:46 PM * [Re: kuurt]
Smalltown80sBoy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/25/12
Posts: 2217
*


Edited by Smalltown80sBoy (04/29/13 01:22 PM)

Top
#419339 - 12/17/12 04:10 AM Re: do you ever wanna be just a regular guy? [Re: kuurt]
whome Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/07/11
Posts: 1734
Loc: Johannesburg South Africa
Hey Kuurt

I read and smile and in the back of my mind a little voice says "what is normal" confused
Just living without the PTSD would be great, cant stand jumping every time someone farts any more, shocked then the triggers and the self mutilation, well I could do without those, blush and then there is off course the second guessing myself and thinking what a normal guy would do in this situation, well could do without that too, crazy so yeah, I agree, I WOULD LOVE TO BE NORMAL. eek

Heal well
Martin
_________________________
Matrix Men South Africa
Survivors Supporting Each other
Matrix Men Blog

Top
Page 1 of 2 1 2 >


Moderator:  ModTeam, TJ jeff 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.