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#419130 - 12/14/12 01:40 PM Newtown, CT
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6317
Loc: 2 NATO Nations
How does anyone survive such a loss, such an event, knowing of such violence that ended their child's life? How?

Praying for strength and some comfort for Newtown. Not much more can be done right now.
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#419132 - 12/14/12 02:16 PM Re: Newtown, CT [Re: Still]
SamV Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/13/09
Posts: 5925
Loc: Talladega, Alabama, USA
Thank you Still for posting this, our prayers go out to those who have suffered suh loss in this tragedy.
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My SENSITIVE Difference

"Lets talk about that."

Go Get A Hug: HUG>porn

*When provoked* "Anyone holding back his sayings is possessed of knowledge.” (Proverbs 17:27)"

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#419141 - 12/14/12 04:13 PM Re: Newtown, CT [Re: Still]
Chris Anderson Offline
Executive Director
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/21/12
Posts: 217
Loc: New York
I've posted a statement on the MS FB page, and I also suggest anyone who is feeling triggered to reach out for support here in the forums and read through the Tips post at the top of every forum thread.

Chris

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#419143 - 12/14/12 04:58 PM Re: Newtown, CT [Re: Still]
SoccerStar Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/15/12
Posts: 915
Loc: New York
5 years 9 months.... that's how long it takes to put them together, to reach the age most of the kids today were.

Really "hands-on", it's five years. Five years of your life - completely recentered around his or her life, everything of your own put lower, everything done for them, lived for them, any tiny advantage or help or joy to be given to them. Five years of blowing on food, of singing when they cry, of talking to them like adults and telling them secrets when you know they are too young to speak, five years of special buddies or princesses or helpers. Five years with an external heart - caring for it because you'll die without it. Five years of practicing, of teaching, of firsts, of it's-okaying, five years of making it all better, five years of signing the stupid thank-you notes like it's from them. Five years of seeing all the goodness and hope you could make. A three-year-old can talk like a six-year-old; a five-year-old can understand with you, hope with you, huddle and whisper with you.

And in one-tenth of a second it's just stained clumps of hair and they are nothing and neither are you. Without reason, without mercy, without bargaining or begging or fixing, without even being able to die wrapped around them to feel like in the last moment they had an ounce of your protection, of comfort, of anything it had all ever meant.

Five years and then nothing. Nothing. A gold chain round their neck, a goodbye song, a rock with words they would have spelled out slowly. Five years of everything solely for a lifetime of suffering.

Except, that is, if it was six, seven, eight, nine, or ten years.

There are times I regret our evolution, that the world would be better off belonging only to those creatures without identity, without selves, without hopes, without time. Like right now.


Edited by SoccerStar (12/14/12 05:04 PM)
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#419147 - 12/14/12 05:40 PM Re: Newtown, CT [Re: Still]
KMCINVA Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/31/11
Posts: 1433
It is so sad, the poor young children--life so young--robbed of a future and those children who had to witness or hear the shootings will be forever changed. Newtown is two towns over from my own hometown. A town that was one of our sports rivals. I was in Newtown several weeks ago--a picturesque Ct town. It was in the aftermath of Hurricane Sandy and during a personal trying time. The area suffered deeply from Sandy and now this senseless atrocity. I pray for the children, the adults and all that are affected by this tragedy.

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#419165 - 12/15/12 12:09 AM Re: Newtown, CT [Re: Still]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6317
Loc: 2 NATO Nations
This day has slain me. It truly has.

I had this played at a funeral once. Give it a watch if you wish.

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#419221 - 12/15/12 07:58 PM Re: Newtown, CT [Re: Still]
unhappycamper Offline


Registered: 10/21/11
Posts: 575
Loc: VA
As a Dad myself, I know every parent who lost a child would trade his or her life to bring back the child. Nothing worse can happen in life than to lose a child. Nothing.

John

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#419231 - 12/15/12 10:02 PM Re: Newtown, CT [Re: Still]
seikei Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/06/12
Posts: 94
I was triggered big time when I first heard about the shootings. I turn on to watch Dr. Phil and instead I see the horrific news that 20 little angels have been murdered. I couldn't stand it. What did those poor children ever do to that monster? Why did he feel the need to kill them? Another tragedy is the fact that we will probably never know. Senseless massacre after senseless massacre.

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#419238 - 12/15/12 11:20 PM Re: Newtown, CT [Re: Still]
Jude Offline


Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1369
Loc: New England
The question comes back to me time and again...."Where was God?"


Edited by Jude (12/15/12 11:22 PM)

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#419245 - 12/16/12 12:41 AM Re: Newtown, CT [Re: Still]
cosmos Offline


Registered: 11/12/12
Posts: 173
Loc: Puget Sound
exactly, there is no god

Cee
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#419255 - 12/16/12 02:47 AM Re: Newtown, CT [Re: Still]
peroperic2009 Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3566
Loc: South-East Europe
This is such a tragedy frown
I don't ask myself where is the God but rather where is the wisdom despairing from today modern world and with such speed?
No matter on advanced technology it seems that we can so easily fail to be human and use our resources only in destructive manner, I refuse to accept that as a fact and I'm keeping my hope for better future.
Hope is the only thing left that we can have in such terrible moments.
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#419282 - 12/16/12 05:25 PM * [Re: Still]
Smalltown80sBoy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/25/12
Posts: 2217
*


Edited by Smalltown80sBoy (04/29/13 01:22 PM)

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#419286 - 12/16/12 05:43 PM Re: Newtown, CT [Re: Still]
SamV Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/13/09
Posts: 5925
Loc: Talladega, Alabama, USA
They will Gary, those on the outside, unaffected will blindly continue their lives. What we need to take away from this is that 20 families will not have their child to tuck in, to play ball, to graduate and have careers and get married. Those people who have lost, they do not get their lives back. They will suffer for decades. Those outside people however, will have a brief look at tremendous pain and suffering, and hopefully when a child protection referendum is voted on or a child is in danger it will move them to action instead of allowing more children to suffer. A small amount of awareness moves the proverbial "mountain" in favor of awareness and advocacy.

That is why MS is here, to support male sexual abuse victims and their supporters finds the hurt child and grow with them. In looking around the web, there is nothing to compare with the level of immediacy and intense support as found at MS. Someone became aware of the pain and tremendous suffering of male sexual abuse survivors and began this organization, from a small amount of awareness.

While I hope this tragedy never occurs again, we know that something good comes from it. Someone responds, someone changes, someone acts. Your post here is something good that came from it as you reach out in sympathy and support for those suffering. Your generosity is more than you may have been at one time, a positive step.
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My SENSITIVE Difference

"Lets talk about that."

Go Get A Hug: HUG>porn

*When provoked* "Anyone holding back his sayings is possessed of knowledge.” (Proverbs 17:27)"

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#419305 - 12/16/12 08:46 PM Re: Newtown, CT [Re: Still]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6317
Loc: 2 NATO Nations
I think back on Beslan, the Amish School, Conyers GA....NO ONE around me even remembers them. I guess its human nature...a survival thing of the normals possibly?

I have always been slain by these things, and for long periods of time. Etan Patz was my first experience with this sort of pain; pain that others feel is not at a reasonable level nor duration. Yesterday, I saw my father. He did not even say a word about the murders, even after I asked if he heard about it. He had the same reaction when Karen died on 9-11.

My ex use to look at me like I was nuts when and whereas I would mourn for two weeks for stranger-children who were lost, abducted, raped, murdered...

Today, I looked at Foxnews.com. I looked at the pictures of 8 or 9 victims. I was slain for them all. People say "don't tourture yourself thinking about it." Freinds and relatives will say "oh man....i can't even think about it."

I recognize that I cannot and will not look away. Those children had to endure what they did. the least I can do is know what they endured.

See, the trouble is, the normals all around me say the same thing about what I experienced. but they don't tell me to look away from something that happened to others. They are saying to ignore and forget what happened to me...to not talk or think about it.

I call them "my silos of horrors." They are great silos filled with the memories and screams and pain and sadness and loss and isolation that I had to keep from the normals as a child. So they expect a child to live through hell and then they state very clearly that they will not even care to hear what's in those silos.

They judge read my journal and called my the contents "very disturbing." He was "disturbed" that he had to read the accounts and recollections of a small boy. he was disturbed that I wrote them down after 35 years. No one wants to recognize horrors. no one wants to hear them...even though children had to endure them.

My father does not want to hear what happened to his son. My sister does not want to hear what happened to her younger brother. Its already happening in the public with regard to Sandy Bend Elementary.

It makes absolutely no humane sense to me.
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#419358 - 12/17/12 08:49 AM Re: Newtown, CT [Re: Still]
unhappycamper Offline


Registered: 10/21/11
Posts: 575
Loc: VA
I wish I could give each of the kids one last hug.

John

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#419370 - 12/17/12 11:07 AM Re: Newtown, CT [Re: unhappycamper]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6712
Loc: USA

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#419381 - 12/17/12 01:33 PM Re: Newtown, CT [Re: Still]
Mountainous Buck Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/15/09
Posts: 1626
Loc: Minnesota
It is NOT from Lanzas mom.

It is from a woman with a son with "special needs".
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“It doesn't matter where you've come from,
It matters where you go" Frank Turner

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#419387 - 12/17/12 02:38 PM Re: Newtown, CT [Re: Still]
cant_remember Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/05
Posts: 997
One thing that I keep thinking about -- is that the kids who survived this will be getting immediate post-trauma care, grief counseling, and a watchful eye from the entire community to see if any of them develop PTSD.

I don't mean to undermine the horror of these events in any way... however, the survivors of it are better off than us, in that at least for them, their trauma wasn't taboo.

There's not an enforced silence over the crimes committed against them. No shame in having survived it (other than survivor guilt, which is bound to be an issue).

The worst thing about carrying around the damage of CSA is encountering the taboo when we reach out for help. These kids won't have that problem, thankfully.

But if we CSA'ers have it worse than shooting survivors, there is another group that has it worst of all: the parents of the slain. Even with this event in the rear-view mirror, every birthday and holiday will be a terrible burden.

God bless Newtown, the shooter's victims, and the survivors.

Cant
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#419388 - 12/17/12 03:31 PM Re: Newtown, CT [Re: cant_remember]
KMCINVA Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/31/11
Posts: 1433
I have that same thought--the children who lived through the shootings--seeing the gunman and bullets flying can only have horrific memories. Their lives will forever be changed. Hopefully, all will receive comprehensive care and counsel. Even though these children and adults survived they will face their own challenges of accepting and integrating these events into their lives. Many will be able to achieve a sense of acceptance, but others for unknown reasons will not be able to accept and will be haunted for a lifetime. They will encounter triggers--a loud noise, a sound or place--and may turn to vices to escape the pain. My heart goes out for all the children and adults who loss their life from this senseless and selfish act but we cannot forget those that survived and lived through these traumatic events. I am hopefully, people will not react--get over it, move on or try to deny these events impacted their lives because they survived. As a child trauma impacts the mind profoundly and years later children victimized can experience PTSD and may be deprived of the life they deserved.

Let's remember those who lost their lives as well as the survivors who directly lived through these traumatic events.

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#419423 - 12/18/12 01:57 AM Re: Newtown, CT [Re: pufferfish]
crazy gecko Offline


Registered: 10/04/12
Posts: 309
Originally Posted By: pufferfish

She's awfully quick to assume that Adam Lanza was like her son.

What I want to know is this - why did he kill the his mother, principle and the school councillor. Where they just in the wrong place at the wrong time when he started shooting, or did he seek them out? None of the news reports I have read have told me this...

My heart really breaks for the families of those little kids... When I read about this for the first time, all I wanted to do was hold my daughter and make sure she is safe. I cannot imagine what those parents are going through. I don't even want to imagine it. And the survivors too, yes. I hope they get proper help, and not a once-off counselling session. We know how much work it takes to get over serious trauma, and seeing your friends shot in front of your eyes, at school... wow. That's some serious trauma right there...
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I guess what I'm trying to say
Is whose life is it anyway because livin'
Living is the best revenge
You can play
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#419456 - 12/18/12 10:16 AM Re: Newtown, CT [Re: Still]
unhappycamper Offline


Registered: 10/21/11
Posts: 575
Loc: VA
So far, it appears nobody has figured out why this guy picked this school for his mass murder, or even why he killed his mother. We can only hope that he left some clues--written or computerized--like so many psychos and pervs do.

John

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