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#418448 - 12/07/12 04:45 PM Re: Who is this little Jeff inside me? [Re: lapchinj]
SoccerStar Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/15/12
Posts: 915
Loc: New York
Jeff,

VERY brief response to your post, deserving a longer follow-up later:

Shawn Hornbeck did not go to the police, did not help Ownby escape. He guarded him as ordered. Both boys were rescued because when Ownby was kidnapped another boy was literally right next to him - a point blank range eyewitness - who happened to have a Rain Man level interest in cars and memorized all details of the vehicle and had told the cops everything within about 2 hours of the crime.

It still took them 4 days to track the guy down, during which time he fucked Ownby 17 times.

You might be thinking of Steven Stainer, who was kidnapped and enslaved from 7-14 and when his perp kidnapped a 5-year-old THEN he helped that kid escape to the cops. But that was so long ago (early '70s I think?) that the cops wouldn't even prosecute the perp for raping him because at that time it was thought to be too much of a stain on the boy to ever be said out loud.

Anyway.


Edited by SoccerStar (12/07/12 04:46 PM)
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#418450 - 12/07/12 05:27 PM Re: Who is this little Jeff inside me? [Re: lapchinj]
lapchinj Offline
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Registered: 06/07/11
Posts: 1167
Loc: New York
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#418452 - 12/07/12 05:57 PM Re: Who is this little Jeff inside me? [Re: lapchinj]
Chase Eric Offline
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MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/25/10
Posts: 1285
Originally Posted By: lapchinj
Eric, how do you know I handled it well????

I suppose I made an unwarranted assumption - but you did become a productive member of society and raised a family, the basic tenets of functionality. I guess I made a leap of logic from there that when someone is functional in the face of adversity, they "handled it well." Of course that is not the same as saying they "felt good about it." I guess I'm a bit envious of that ever-elusive "family man" with two and a half kids, a dog and a picket fence that I wanted myself. It never happened for me and i'm probably operating under my own weird delusions that if I could have sired a family it would have made everything perfect. You did and I'm just sort of awed by that.

Quote:
Maybe you kept at it because of the same reason you did it for your sister and her friends. Maybe you were afraid that some other girls would get it if not for you intervening.

Once the girls were saved, I was still his to lay. I don't know a whole lot of terms for that. Slut comes to mind.

Quote:
I was a hustler and I never left. I was tortured and I never left, I was photographed and never left. It seemed like everyone was after my ass. Sfather, my gym teacher, the movie people and the photographers. I never said no to any of it. I was a great example of a real shitty kid. I never left any of them. That's what's sick.

Well I don't think a little kid could say "no" or leave with "everyone after" him like that. When you could, you did. I didn't. Hey - we were both prostitutes with our own "prices". Then we changed. I got lost in a selfish, self-absorbed mission to find myself, re-enacting, trying to get it right. But you put away that childish nonsense and became a man. You saw your responsibilities. Sometimes that's the best we can do. What you accomplished required unselfish devotion. I salute you - and wish I had that kind of discipline. You are a better man than most, Jeff - and I wish you peace in your mission to be whole with little Jeff.
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#418455 - 12/07/12 06:20 PM * [Re: lapchinj]
Smalltown80sBoy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/25/12
Posts: 2217
*


Edited by Smalltown80sBoy (04/29/13 01:16 PM)

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#418460 - 12/07/12 07:19 PM Re: Who is this little Jeff inside me? [Re: lapchinj]
lapchinj Offline
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#418898 - 12/12/12 08:45 AM Re: Who is this little Jeff inside me? [Re: lapchinj]
lapchinj Offline
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Registered: 06/07/11
Posts: 1167
Loc: New York
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#418933 - 12/12/12 02:59 PM Re: Who is this little Jeff inside me? [Re: lapchinj]
Chase Eric Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/25/10
Posts: 1285
Just my very nonprofessional opinion, but I suspect a lot of this will all fall into place as soon as you decide to forgive little Jeff. Calling him a "shitty kid" is not a great way to show the respect needed to establish that relationship with him - with yourself. He wasn't so much shitty as he was just a kid lost in an adult's twisted world, being tortured, having his buttons pushed and being manipulated into owning the guilt. Come on big Jeff - give the kid a break. wink
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#418956 - 12/12/12 06:31 PM Re: Who is this little Jeff inside me? [Re: lapchinj]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3320
Loc: back in the USA
Jeff

Originally Posted By: lapchinj
Sounds fucked up but I really don't know what to do with him. I can't blame him for being a prostitute because I would still be blaming myself. So I what did I gain besides meeting that shitty little kid that I've been hiding for 40+ years?


it's not about blame.
it's not about excuses.
it's about acceptance.
and compassion.
unconditional.
based on the truth.
embrace him.
that's all he wants.
safe hugs.
and what you need too.
and what you gain is another step toward wholeness.
still hurting - but not so lonely.

lee
(i am trying to do the same with my younger self.
sometimes it is hard.)
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We are often troubled, but not crushed;
sometimes in doubt, but never in despair;
there are many enemies, but we are never without a friend;
and though badly hurt at times, we are not destroyed.
- Paul, II Cor 4:8-9

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#418979 - 12/12/12 11:18 PM Re: Who is this little Jeff inside me? [Re: lapchinj]
lapchinj Offline
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Registered: 06/07/11
Posts: 1167
Loc: New York
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