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#418937 - 12/12/12 03:19 PM Re: Angry when someone flaunts sex life [Re: crazy gecko]
Jude Offline


Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1530
Loc: New England
Originally Posted By: crazy gecko
To me, there is nothing more lonely than having sex with someone I have no connection with.


Yes, sexual braggarts are annoying, especially for those of us who have struggled with our own sexualities in various ways. They make us feel inferior because our own sex lives are never as good as what they are describing (which may be somewhat exaggerated). But lets take care not to retreat into some "feminized" form of male sexuality that only gives us the choice of sex in intimate, committed, long term relationships.

I'm going way out on a limb here in suggesting that there's nothing inherently "bad" about male sexuality...that is that men, in general, are wired to want sex and to seek it out. How we seek it out is our choice. We don't have to fit the old mold of "sexual conquerer" (and braggart). Nor do we always have to fit the new mold of the "caring sensitive man" who can only enjoy the physical pleasure of sex in a long term committed relationship. We can be one or the other or both, or neither, at different points in our lives. The point is, we have the choice, and the choices we make can be fluid over our lives.

I think one of the principles of recovery is taking back control over our sexuality as men. In doing so we don't have to fit anyone else's definition of manhood. We get to define that for ourselves, as well as being responsible for our choices.

Thats my little speech on the soapbox.

Jude
_________________________
Well, I won't back down
No I won't back down
You can stand me up at the gates of hell
But I won't back down.
Tom Petty

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#418939 - 12/12/12 03:26 PM Re: Angry when someone flaunts sex life [Re: Jude]
Magellan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/31/10
Posts: 1402
Loc: California
"I think one of the principles of recovery is taking back control over our sexuality as men. In doing so we don't have to fit anyone else's definition of manhood."

BINGO! I wholeheartedly agree with this statement. There should be no shame in our sexuality. It is when shame gets in the way of the rest of our lives, that we need to address whatever issue might be there.

D
_________________________
It's a heroes journey, and you are the hero.

Loving Kindness Meditation will dramatically improve your spirits; give it a try for just 3 days: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sz7cpV7ERsM

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#418949 - 12/12/12 04:46 PM * [Re: lfp]
Smalltown80sBoy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/25/12
Posts: 2217
*


Edited by Smalltown80sBoy (04/29/13 01:19 PM)

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#418987 - 12/13/12 12:55 AM Re: Angry when someone flaunts sex life [Re: lfp]
seikei Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/06/12
Posts: 94
Hello Ifb,

I totally feel for you. I actually created a similar thread a few weeks back. I have a coworker that does that. As they told me on that thread though, a man that feels the need to brag about his sex life more often than not does not have much else to brag about....at least in my experience. Also, while I have never had sexual relations with the opposite sex, despite the alleged immense pleasure, it does not appear to me from the 'studs' I have come across that multiple sexual partners makes life more full. In fact, it makes it more complicated. Misplaced feelings, possible pregnancy scares, possible STD scares. In end, I don't think you're missing much by not participating in the hook up culture so to speak. Hope this helps.

Seikei

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#418992 - 12/13/12 02:05 AM Re: Angry when someone flaunts sex life [Re: Jude]
crazy gecko Offline


Registered: 10/04/12
Posts: 309
Originally Posted By: Jude
But lets take care not to retreat into some "feminized" form of male sexuality that only gives us the choice of sex in intimate, committed, long term relationships.

Ok, I get this. I think it has a lot to do with why we choose to have sex. I guess it's fine when it's sex only for the sake of sex - purely physical. But when I read my post again, I was talking about occasions where I had sex, but what I was really looking for was intimacy. Sex is not intimacy any more than it is love. So I didn't find what I was looking for, and that was probably why I was left with a bad feeling...

I guess I am also burdened with an amount of guilt for the way in which I treated my late wife for the first part of our relationship - I often recognise my own actions in stories about domestic abuse. The only thing I never did was hit her (thank God!). So I tend to over-compensate when it comes to how I treat women...

Originally Posted By: Jude
I think one of the principles of recovery is taking back control over our sexuality as men. In doing so we don't have to fit anyone else's definition of manhood. We get to define that for ourselves, as well as being responsible for our choices.

That, yes. I think that's the most important point.
_________________________
I guess what I'm trying to say
Is whose life is it anyway because livin'
Living is the best revenge
You can play
-- Def Leppard

My Story, Part 2

My blog

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#419004 - 12/13/12 08:29 AM Re: Angry when someone flaunts sex life [Re: lfp]
Jude Offline


Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1530
Loc: New England
Hey lfp, I'm sorry I didn't mean to hijack your thread. And I didn't mean to offend anyone by referring to a "feminized" form of male sexuality. My real point is just this:

"I think one of the principles of recovery is taking back control over our sexuality as men. In doing so we don't have to fit anyone else's definition of manhood. We get to define that for ourselves, as well as being responsible for our choices".

Those who brag about their sex lives are probably looking for validation of their manhood. Well good luck with that......as George Burns once said: "Everything that goes up must come down. But there comes a time when not everything that's down can come up."

Jude

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