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#418856 - 12/11/12 10:20 PM Angry when someone flaunts sex life
lfp Offline


Registered: 11/02/08
Posts: 121
I don't know.

Why is it enraging when other people just talk about their sex lives? For example one friend tells me he has night stands and casual sex encounters. This does NOT go with my values because I do care about my body... I am sure of this, but still there is a part of me that says: damn why am I not able to do this?

I got mad when another friend said he was going to have sex with a woman he barely knew. If it was my case, I'd feel bad because I'd feel like an object.

So why is it that even though those situations don't apply to me, I still get angry for not being able to do them? Alienation?
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#418860 - 12/11/12 10:35 PM Re: Angry when someone flaunts sex life [Re: lfp]
Magellan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/31/10
Posts: 1390
Loc: California
I've gotten annoyed at others who talk incessantly about their sex lives.

And I've also learned that anger is usually a 2ndary emotion. Underneath the anger is usually another emotion. 99% of the time, that primary emotion is fear.

D
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#418861 - 12/11/12 10:42 PM Re: Angry when someone flaunts sex life [Re: lfp]
lfp Offline


Registered: 11/02/08
Posts: 121
Am I afraid or something else? I don't think what I feel is fear deep inside, or shame even.

Maybe it's some sort of envy, assuming that the person can cave sex without many problems, unlike me. Why do I put sex on a throne like this? Like everyone can enjoy and I can't, and I don't think this is because of abuse alone.
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Consider the postage stamp: its usefulness consists in the ability to stick to one thing till it gets there. ~Josh Billings.
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#418864 - 12/11/12 11:09 PM Re: Angry when someone flaunts sex life [Re: lfp]
Magellan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/31/10
Posts: 1390
Loc: California
Envy is definitely a primary emotion which I understand and feel frequently. Anger can often cover it up.

D
_________________________
It's a heroes journey, and you are the hero.

Loving Kindness Meditation will dramatically improve your spirits; give it a try for just 3 days: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sz7cpV7ERsM

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#418865 - 12/11/12 11:15 PM Re: Angry when someone flaunts sex life [Re: lfp]
SoccerStar Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/15/12
Posts: 915
Loc: New York
It's really unseemly when guys don't learn to pipe down once they get older. Especially if they're talking to someone in a different relationship status, it seems designed to provoke envy. If all present are in the same status it's fair pool to swap accomplishments, but if they're not, people who are true friends would not make it a primary topic.


Edited by SoccerStar (12/11/12 11:15 PM)
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#418875 - 12/12/12 04:41 AM Re: Angry when someone flaunts sex life [Re: lfp]
peroperic2009 Offline
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MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3600
Loc: South-East Europe
Well in such situations I could make some joke and to pretend like it is nothing or to be silent. But actually I don't like such moments/talks and I hate when people too easily talk about intimacy in public places. It means nothing to them and seeing such low respect for others hurts me a lot...
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#418876 - 12/12/12 04:41 AM Re: Angry when someone flaunts sex life [Re: lfp]
Clockwise Offline


Registered: 03/03/09
Posts: 302
Loc: Pennsylvania
lfp, I'm right with you. I hate it when people flaunt their sex life. And it's not like when they just toss out a casual "Man, I'd totally fuck that girl," it's when they insist on talking about how many 'bitches' they've fucked or would fuck or whatever. I also love it when they brag about how they'd totally cheat on their girlfriend/wife if (enter famous female name here) were available. I don't want to hear it.

As for the underlying feeling, it that is true then I guess mines would be envy. I envy those for whom sex comes easily. I wish it could be that easy for me. Oh well.
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#418884 - 12/12/12 06:34 AM Re: Angry when someone flaunts sex life [Re: lfp]
cosmos Offline


Registered: 11/12/12
Posts: 176
Loc: Puget Sound
Anger is the perfect emotion for us; its manly especially if youíre very loud and obscene it connotes violence, very manly, itís acceptable to a point, but most importantly it is a wall we use to ensure no one gets inside and that we stay that way. Itís a sad self-perpetuating nightmare the anger, it eats you up it consumes all your energy, so even if youíre not angry you donít have the energy to do anything about anything, least of all help yourself. Anger the perfect cover for everything we feel except anger, anger so you donít have to feel anymore, its natureís way! Itís like when I was growing up and you know there were guys in h.s. doing a virgin every weekend wtf was that, donít get it now, didnít get it then or the outrageous pretentious ogling that guys do, just watch the eye candy go by, why do you have to look like such a fool doing it? Never get it?

Cee
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#418888 - 12/12/12 07:20 AM Re: Angry when someone flaunts sex life [Re: lfp]
lfp Offline


Registered: 11/02/08
Posts: 121
Yes, there's a lot of 'loud', 'manly', 'obnoxious' behaviors out there. In reality, I could just call a random person for sex, but that wouldn't mean anything to me. I'd feel just empty, bad for feeling like I used another person to get me off. I can't look at someone in the face right after I considered them only for sex and then ditch them frown

This anger/discomfort doesn't really take me anywhere, it just makes me compare myself with other people just because of that. What I particularly don't like about it is that it becomes the dominant thing in my head, so I tend to forget all the very good things of my life, and how my life is being very good right now.

My family and I are healthy, I have good opportunities right now, a job I don't dislike, a nice progress in recovery, the possibility of travel and the feeling that I've accomplished stuff that I've wanted in life, little by little. I don't want to forget this just because someone flaunts something I'm not currently into, but it's hard.
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The Round Table, Mondays 7:30pm CST.

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#418890 - 12/12/12 07:42 AM Re: Angry when someone flaunts sex life [Re: lfp]
crazy gecko Offline


Registered: 10/04/12
Posts: 309
Originally Posted By: lfp
In reality, I could just call a random person for sex, but that wouldn't mean anything to me. I'd feel just empty, bad for feeling like I used another person to get me off. I can't look at someone in the face right after I considered them only for sex and then ditch them frown

I hear you on this. To me, there is nothing more lonely than having sex with someone I have no connection with. I've done it (usually in a misguided attempt at looking for intimacy), but I always feel bad afterwards. Kinda like an abuser.

When other guys brag about casual sex I just think about that lonely, empty feeling, and I don't know how to react to what they're talking about...
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