Hi

I know what the return to 13 means for me. It is gutr wrenching. Being there for another is the most we can hope for. Cetainly my experience is one of anticipation of betrayal. Evenwhen there is a good counsellor much of the thinking leads to shutting down and clamming up. There are often other memories buried deep that are not ready to undersdtand or perhaps remember.

I understand for the victim that sense of loneliness and abandonment. FOR YOU the first issue is your survival.
You need and have a right for comfort and acceptance. The ASSURANCE THAT YOU ARE ALRIGHGT. The porn crtap is just that, crap. WHATEVEER YOU NEED THAT OFFERS COMFORT, that doesn't hurt someone else is O K. It may not be your best choice, but you don't have a lot of good thinking and self reflection going on at this time. If you can't reach out to the victim, you can let the counselor know that youi RE AVAILABLE TO ASSURE HIM THAT HE IS NOT ALONE AND IT CAN BE o k to seek help and share with "his brothers."

I wish we could ber potected from the terror and re-engagement with our past. But, then we wouldn,t be as injured by the victimization in the first place.

May you find peace for now

Hang in there lee, there is always more work to do. But wow, sounds way to close to home. Thanks for the up date and do take care of your self. You sound like you realy are making the best of a horrific amount of triggers. Keep breathing, I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers, mike

Hey Lee,
what a difficult situation for you there
I'm sorry that so many things are happening there, but lets be positive, lets wish that abuse wasn't severe as could be and lets pray for victims and best possible outcome.
It is great that you reached your wife and safe hug, that is for A+ Mr.Teacher, lol
I'm sorry to hear that you couldn't resist temptations when you were alone at your home later.
Well it is too familiar feeling for me, I'm glad to see you are not too hard on self because of that. When I'm overwhelmed with such negative feelings like: despair, helplessness and something like "unavoidable catastrophe" many times I fall too to porn challenge. It is just too much to handle and I need some escape even for short and even it is not something that I need actually. I see it as some sort of compensation. I need it so my mind could be concentrated on something else and find some rest. And feeling afterward is terrible and doesn't help either.
I'm still looking how to overcome such situations, it is very difficult, especially when I'm sensitive (and it seems since I started therapy that I become oversensitive).

You know Lee when I've read this your post it looks to me that you are so calm and peaceful in your heart, like accepting whatever is happening without loosing self into it even it is so difficult and unbearable and no matter on whirlpool of feelings that you sucked in.
You become so strong, it is obvious how much you gained with your healing, I'm happy to know that and it is inspiring to us too.
Hang on
((((Lee))))

Everything will be alright!


Pero

Lee

Hang in there
We are all beside u in spirit

Farmer Boy, Human, Sam, Crazy Gecko, SoccerStar, Seikei, genedebs, Smart shadow, Pero, derrick -

heartfelt thanks to each of you for your support, acceptance, affirmation and encouragement. i don't know how it works - but i truly felt strength and stability through the day - knowing you were behind me.




this is a good suggestion. i will mention it to our counsellor. she knows about the bullying and the parental physical and verbal abuse that i experienced - but i don't think i have ever revealed much about the CSA - maybe just hinted at it. i will tell her more and offer to be a resource if she thinks it would help. that will be a big step for me to take - but it would make me feel less helpless, i think. maybe less like a victim and more like a survivor.

Lee

Glad you are connected here- connection helps us weather the storms.

Take care of yourself in affirming ways , ok?