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#41858 - 02/09/03 05:27 PM The Poll of all Polls.
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
Do we think Polls could be useful to the forum ?

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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#41859 - 02/09/03 05:36 PM Re: The Poll of all Polls.
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
These Polls are me figuring out how to work the damn thing as much as anything else, but do let your view be known by voting, and if there's a big majority one way or the other then we'll have to respect that or talk about it some more.

So, if anyone has any ideas about what they'd like to see Polled then let me know and we'll have a go.
The software does allow for multiple questions and multi-choice answers, but I'm still figuring it out a bit !

I don't know if there's anything we should avoid or at least be wary of, let me have your views on that as well.

I do wonder though if the relativly small number of users, nearly all with the same background and problems, would result in poll results that were biased and unreliable, and maybe of more harm than good to us ?
I don't know at all, but if there is anyone out there with knowledge of surveys and polls perhaps they could guide us.

Dave

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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#41860 - 02/09/03 06:15 PM Re: The Poll of all Polls.
blaidd Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/01/00
Posts: 240
Loc: Australia
I think polls are a good idea, however would suggest that only moderators have the authorisation to create them.

Depending on the question, I think polls might offer some form of validation for people.

regards

blaidd

_________________________
Blaidd (pronounced as blaith/blithe) is a welsh word meaning wolf.

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#41861 - 02/09/03 06:41 PM Re: The Poll of all Polls.
The Dean Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 07/15/02
Posts: 2080
Loc: Milwaukee, WI
I agree with Blaidd. Seeing the answers to polls let me get a feel for where I am or where I might want to get going to.

I think it would be helpful to know the different ages of guys here. e.g. 0-18 18 t0 25 etc etc

I also think it would be helpful to know who the perp or perps were e. g.
family membe
friend of family
babysitter
clergy
coach
youth leader e.g. BSA
Male
Females
Perps under age of 18.

how long a member of MS/Nomsv/M.A.L.E.?

It just helps to knopw others had a similar experience. or others have been around for such and such a time and are still working on recovery.

Bob

_________________________
If we do not live what we believe, then we will begin to believe what we live.

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#41862 - 02/09/03 10:06 PM Re: The Poll of all Polls.
Wuamei Offline
Member

Registered: 08/19/02
Posts: 2700
Loc: The left turn I should have ta...
Quote:
I agree with Blaidd. Seeing the answers to polls let me get a feel for where I am or where I might want to get going to.

I think it would be helpful to know the different ages of guys here. e.g. 0-18 18 t0 25 etc etc

I also think it would be helpful to know who the perp or perps were e. g.
family membe
friend of family
babysitter
clergy
coach
youth leader e.g. BSA
Male
Females
Perps under age of 18.

how long a member of MS/Nomsv/M.A.L.E.?

It just helps to knopw others had a similar experience. or others have been around for such and such a time and are still working on recovery.

Bob
Ditto. Actually Bob these are just the types of polls I had in mind. Particularly about who our perps were. Maybe also the number of perps, the number of times we were abused, our ages when abused, things we've done to get help, etc.

Again, I'm willing to wait for more opinions & feedback on this.

Dave, your poll is a good idea for starters.

A poll about polls--what a concept!

Victor

_________________________
"I can't stand pain. It hurts me."
--Daffy Duck

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#41863 - 02/10/03 11:56 AM Re: The Poll of all Polls.
Wuamei Offline
Member

Registered: 08/19/02
Posts: 2700
Loc: The left turn I should have ta...
Dave:

Please check your PMs. Thanks.

Victor

_________________________
"I can't stand pain. It hurts me."
--Daffy Duck

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#41864 - 02/10/03 03:04 PM Re: The Poll of all Polls.
Chey-Wy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/01/02
Posts: 241
Loc: Cheyenne, WY
I like everyones ideas for questions. I also think it would be interesting to know what age you were when you were victimized. I feel that I am the odd ball since I was "of legal age" for three of my 4 sexual assaults.

I was also wondering if these questions could be placed in someones "profile" I know that I talk to so many guys in here and while all of our stories are similar I get confused who is who. It would be nice if when chat, you could pull up their profile and get the answers to the questions.

Also, No one would be forced to give out information that they didn't want to.

Just an idea.

take care

John

_________________________
From the Song MOUNTAINS by Lonestar.

Yeah, the good Lord gave us mountains,
So we could learn how to climb

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#41865 - 02/10/03 06:30 PM Re: The Poll of all Polls.
The Dean Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 07/15/02
Posts: 2080
Loc: Milwaukee, WI
John, you surely are not the only one here who was assaulted after reaching the age of consent. It is just that the fellows who have mentioned that have not posted lately.

Sometimes I wonder if it would be of value to have guys here who connected with some other survivor drop them a pm to let them know they are important to us.

I did that last evening. I hope the guy is ok with getting my message. We have had some really great guys come, post for a week or tweo and then stop. I don't know about you, but I miss a lot of them.

Bob

_________________________
If we do not live what we believe, then we will begin to believe what we live.

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#41866 - 02/10/03 09:46 PM Re: The Poll of all Polls.
Little_E Offline
Member & Volunteer
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 11/14/02
Posts: 169
Loc: London UK
yeah, total mate, I know i dont post that offeten, but i'm on everyday reading and walking with you all, just most of the time, i dont know what to say, or where to start!

_________________________
If your not livin on the edge your taking up to much space!

DISTUBED VISIONS OF AN UNDERWORLD!!

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#41867 - 02/11/03 08:01 AM Re: The Poll of all Polls.
guy43 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/17/02
Posts: 450
Loc: Minnesota
Questions I've had on my mind since coming here:

  • Do you think/feel that your life will never get any better?
  • Do you read the posting and don't know how to reply sometimes?
  • Are you afraid to post your own topic (start a new thread) because you think you can't write very well?
  • How big of an impact has your sexual abuse experience(s) had on your life?
  • Are you in an intimate relationship now?
  • Have you ever had a truly close "I'm in love with this person" intimate relationship? If yes, for how long?
  • How disfunctional was your family (or whatever you grew up in) when you were growing up?
  • Did you feel like a social outcast in school? Starting when - elementary, jr. high, high school, college?
  • Do you think you have a sexual addiction?
  • What do you need that this web site doesn't have but might be able to provide?
  • Do you have good memories from childhood?
  • What do you do for fun now?
  • Are you in pyscho-therapy now?
  • Do you have confusion over your sexual orientation?
  • If you feel emotionally/socially stunted or arrested, at what age would you rate yourself?
  • Do you have a spiritual life? How do you practise it?
  • What do you want most from life?
  • What tools/tricks/coping mechanisms have been most effective in your recovery?
  • Have you reached a point in your recovery where you feel you've resolved your issues so that you can lead the life you want?
  • Do you think recovery is a lifelong process?
  • Do you think recovery is possible?
  • Do you have hope for the future?
  • Are current events (global, social, environmental, economics, etc.) having a negative impact on you now?


For me, knowing that I'm not alone with my laundry list of post sexual abuse/childhood neglect consequences is a bridge to making connections with other survivors of SA. So many times somebody has posted something here that has stuck a chord with me that helps me to know that I'm not a freak.

These polls could serve as a beacon for areas the MaleSurvivor Organization could focus on.

jer


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#41868 - 02/11/03 11:41 AM Re: The Poll of all Polls.
Wuamei Offline
Member

Registered: 08/19/02
Posts: 2700
Loc: The left turn I should have ta...
Jer, those are all good questions, any of which could probably in some way be put in the form of a poll.

Some of the ones that particularly speak to me right now that I'd like to maybe see a poll on, somewhat in order I guess:

  • Do you think you have a sexual addiction?
  • If you feel emotionally/socially stunted or arrested, at what age would you rate yourself?
  • What tools/tricks/coping mechanisms have been most effective in your recovery?
  • What do you do for fun now?
  • Do you have good memories from childhood?
  • Are you in pyscho-therapy now?
  • What do you want most from life?
  • Are current events (global, social, environmental, economics, etc.) having a negative impact on you now?
  • Do you have a spiritual life? How do you practise it?
  • How big of an impact has your sexual abuse experience(s) had on your life?
  • How disfunctional was your family (or whatever you grew up in) when you were growing up?
  • Did you feel like a social outcast in school? Starting when - elementary, jr. high, high school, college?



Quote:
For me, knowing that I'm not alone with my laundry list of post sexual abuse/childhood neglect consequences is a bridge to making connections with other survivors of SA. So many times somebody has posted something here that has stuck a chord with me that helps me to know that I'm not a freak.

These polls could serve as a beacon for areas the MaleSurvivor Organization could focus on.

jer
That's a very good point Jer. Polls are not just about stats they are about people.

Victor


_________________________
"I can't stand pain. It hurts me."
--Daffy Duck

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#41869 - 02/11/03 11:48 AM Re: The Poll of all Polls.
MrEdd Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/24/03
Posts: 317
Loc: Texas
What Blaid said .

_________________________
Some Things are not problems to be solved, rather, they are facts which must be coped with over time.

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#41870 - 02/11/03 11:52 AM Re: The Poll of all Polls.
Chey-Wy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/01/02
Posts: 241
Loc: Cheyenne, WY
Jer

What a great bunch of ideas. I think that these might get something started. A few of them gave me ideas for some other polls.

Take care,

John

_________________________
From the Song MOUNTAINS by Lonestar.

Yeah, the good Lord gave us mountains,
So we could learn how to climb

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#41871 - 02/11/03 02:39 PM Re: The Poll of all Polls.
Wifey1 Offline
Member

Registered: 12/03/02
Posts: 380
dont mean to butt in (yes i do)
how about maybe asking also

do you have any diagnosed physical ailments
i.e. sleep disorders, heart disease, diabetes, crohns etc.?

Wifey1


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#41872 - 02/11/03 05:46 PM Re: The Poll of all Polls.
Wuamei Offline
Member

Registered: 08/19/02
Posts: 2700
Loc: The left turn I should have ta...
Quote:
dont mean to butt in (yes i do)
how about maybe asking also

do you have any diagnosed physical ailments
i.e. sleep disorders, heart disease, diabetes, crohns etc.?

Wifey1
Thanks Wifey1, that's one I forgot that is actually near the top of my list! I also wanted to ask specifically about how many have chronic pain disorders like fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue syndrome, etc. And whether or not this has been diagnosed (dx'd) as being a direct result of SA trauma.

Gotta remember to keep that one in mind for future reference. Thanks again! \:\)

Victor


_________________________
"I can't stand pain. It hurts me."
--Daffy Duck

Top
#41873 - 02/11/03 06:50 PM Re: The Poll of all Polls.
Chey-Wy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/01/02
Posts: 241
Loc: Cheyenne, WY
Add to the Physical ailments Temporal Mandibular Dysfunction.

Here is a quote from a letter that my dentist sent to my attorney:

Quote:

I have treated John for Temporal Mandibular Dysfunction since October of 1999. It was at that point that John mentioned that he was suffering form chronic pain in his Temporalamndibular Joint and Temporal headaches. John was treated wit a mandibular flat plane splintin May of 2000.

In my opinion, almost all cases of bruxism and pain in the Temporal Mandibular Joint are largely due to some form of stress in the individuals life. It seems that grinding of one's teeth is how some of us deal with that stress.

Sincerely,

Mark ... D.D.S.

Mark (my dentist) knows about the S A and thinks that probably the reason that I grind my teeth is my way of compensating for the S A trauma.

I am anxious for the polls to get going.

John

_________________________
From the Song MOUNTAINS by Lonestar.

Yeah, the good Lord gave us mountains,
So we could learn how to climb

Top
#41874 - 02/11/03 10:57 PM Re: The Poll of all Polls.
The Dean Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 07/15/02
Posts: 2080
Loc: Milwaukee, WI
Hi John, I have had bruxism for years--I wear a night gard that helps during the night. But I do exercises during the day to loosen up.

Surgery was suggested to me. I talked to a couple of guys who had had the surgery and they were not positive about it so I will continue with what I have.

Did your dentist give you some exerecises to do?

Bob

_________________________
If we do not live what we believe, then we will begin to believe what we live.

Top
#41875 - 02/12/03 12:15 AM Re: The Poll of all Polls.
blacken Offline
Chatroom Moderator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 08/13/01
Posts: 1300
Loc: Northern Ohio
Well, I see polls as a cold way of interacting. This forum is for discussion. I would hate to see the "Polls" taking over.

And all of those Poll questions can be addressed in the Forum, and discussed. You start a topic and then get feedback. People give opinions, feelings are expressed, diffent points of view are brought to bair.

And I find being asked those direct,extreemly personal questions quite intrusive

But I guess I cant stand in the way of progress

_________________________
Everyone is a genius! If you were to judge a fish, by its ability to climb a tree,
it would think it was stupid all of it's life.
~Albert Einstein

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#41876 - 02/12/03 01:19 PM Re: The Poll of all Polls.
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
My entirely personal view lies somewhere in the middle I think.
Polls such as the other one I posted asking how long it had been since we sought help will hopefuly provide some useful guide as to the experiences of recovery we have as a group, and at the same time I don't think it's intrusive or likely to triggering or contreversial.

I think that if we start comparing our abuse by using polls then we run the risk of indulging in 'league tables' of abuse.
That could be as damaging as it could be helpful. It might well reasure someone that because he was abused by the largest group then he couldn't possibly be to blame, but could it also make someone ask themselves "is it really that important then, if I'm in such a big group ?"

Maybe I'm wrong, but my view ( not as administrator ) is that I can see a good reason for collecting hard data, such as the suggestion of possible physical ailments, but less reason for just asking who did what to us and when.

Dave

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

Top
#41877 - 02/12/03 11:06 PM Re: The Poll of all Polls.
Don-NY Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/06/02
Posts: 546
Loc: Long Island, NY
Just a few ideas about polls. I know I contradict myself.
************************************************


I wouldn't mind if there weren't any polls.

I don't think polls serve any real purpose unless they require a yes or no answer. But even then, it's arguable.

Some of the questions listed above I wouldn't mind answering, depending on the choices of course. And I'd really like to know if current events are giving other Survivors a hard time too. Hmmm. Maybe I should just ask????

I think they can lead to unfortunate comparisons and harmful conclusions. Look at the How Long poll. 30% have been in therapy 10 years or more. That can be pretty discouraging. It's easy to overlook the fact that that is 30% of only 27 responses, or 8 people.

There's no ability to explain an answer. Look at how many of us were compelled to explain and amplify what we answered in the poll.

But actually that may be a good point to polls, if they encourage discussions.

They could also be a way for someone to say something without saying it. An anonymous answer that they might not feel comfortable posting.

Then there is the great burden on the pollster. It is very difficult to come up with an unbiased question, and then he has to come up with a variety of answers to that question.

A question might also be loaded with assumptions or prejudices that might be very common but are far from universal.

The "How Long" poll doesn't have a choice for "I'm not in therapy - haven't started yet". I wonder how many more responses there would be if that choice were in there?

Oh well, I always have the choice not to answer a poll. But I hope that there is always an answer that means "none of the above" or "this question doesn't apply to me".

_________________________
If you understand everything, some things are just as they are. If you understand nothing, things are still just as they are.

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#41878 - 02/13/03 10:35 AM Re: The Poll of all Polls.
guy43 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/17/02
Posts: 450
Loc: Minnesota
good points Don-NY and Lloydy. So many ways a poll can be interperted: negatively, positively, doesn't apply to me, what and how to draw conclusions, etc...

KISS (keep it simple sam)?

Better to be direct and ask (or make a statement)? Yes! So much of my way of expressing myself has been guarded and indirect because I've felt like a freak and that if people around me knew what happened to me and how I've coped with it, they would not want to be friends with me... etc... etc...

My thoughts are this about polls in general, and then I'll offer an alternative.

Since finding this lifeline of a web site last fall it has been wonderful to get validation on my ways of thinking, feeling, reacting - as I went through my abuse, and after the abuse ended and continued my life as an adult (adult in body only that is).

That I'm not alone, that other men have had similar experiences and sometimes dysfunctional ways of dealing with life, that I actually have something in common with other human beings - this is perhaps the number one thing that means the most to me. Other number one things are the sharing, solutions, and caring that goes on here. A poll for me is just another way of finding a common ground to relate to the other men here.

So many times I've read something here in the forums (or the articles on the web site) and breathed a sigh of relief or had a moment of "oh geez, so that's why I think/feel/have done or do now and it's related to the abuse". I guess I was thinking that if there were enough questions in a poll or polls, that anyone could find some common ground to know they weren't alone.

The alternative I'm thinking about, which is better for me the more I consider it, is to take the questions posed here for polling and answer those I feel comfortable with answering in a public manner (and I can write answers just for myself and my T). For me it will sort like those dumb email 'getting to know you' things that get passed around - boxers or briefs? Only these questions are just a wee bit more meaningful.

In closing and switching gears a question Don-NY asked:

OMG, yes, current local/global events are having a big impact on my attitude. I'm discouraged about the ways things are going with the USA heading toward war. The problem is how to discuss current affairs without having it turn into a big political flaming hot potato. If I get up the gumption, I'll post my thoughts in the unmoderated/anything goes forum.

A three-sided penny for anyone's thoughts,

jer

p.s. my thanks to all of you for the support i've gotten.


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#41879 - 02/13/03 04:40 PM Re: The Poll of all Polls.
Wuamei Offline
Member

Registered: 08/19/02
Posts: 2700
Loc: The left turn I should have ta...
Polls can be used to gather helpful info, to help us know what we're up against in fighting SA, to help people find more common ground & connections to help in starting discussion. No doubt there are other ways to do such things. Perhaps they should be used selectively and maybe at least start with just simple questions as Dave said collecting hard data.

Victor

_________________________
"I can't stand pain. It hurts me."
--Daffy Duck

Top
#41880 - 02/13/03 11:05 PM Re: The Poll of all Polls.
ScottyTodd Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 02/12/03
Posts: 1561
Loc: Pennsylvania
It was fascinating reading everyone's thoughts on polls. Generally I like polls that help assess where I am in my journey and lets me know others are working on their journey too. I would hope that polls do stir thinking, assessing, talking because it becomes personal not just a statistic (which seems to sit there idle).

By the way, Don-NY, all this fuss in the world does not have me upset to much because if it happens - I'm going to deal with it. If it does not happen - I'm going to deal with it. They haven't asked for my opinion - so they'll proceed without it. I generally lok and address those things I can do and put on the back burner those things I can't do!

_________________________
If you think you can or you can't - you're right!.......anon
It's never too late to have a happy childhood!.....anon
You're very normal for the abnormal situation you've been through..............S. Todd

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#41881 - 02/13/03 11:06 PM Re: The Poll of all Polls.
ScottyTodd Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 02/12/03
Posts: 1561
Loc: Pennsylvania
It was fascinating reading everyone's thoughts on polls. Generally I like polls that help assess where I am in my journey and lets me know others are working on their journey too. I would hope that polls do stir thinking, assessing, talking because it becomes personal not just a statistic (which seems to sit there idle).

By the way, Don-NY, all this fuss in the world does not have me upset to much because if it happens - I'm going to deal with it. If it does not happen - I'm going to deal with it. They haven't asked for my opinion - so they'll proceed without it. I generally lok and address those things I can do and put on the back burner those things I can't do!

_________________________
If you think you can or you can't - you're right!.......anon
It's never too late to have a happy childhood!.....anon
You're very normal for the abnormal situation you've been through..............S. Todd

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#41882 - 02/17/03 01:06 AM Re: The Poll of all Polls.
blacken Offline
Chatroom Moderator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 08/13/01
Posts: 1300
Loc: Northern Ohio
Since it appears polls are on there way, I have two points/suggestions,

1)Polls should posted by administrators, only.
Questions & formats for polls should be directed to the/an administrators.

2) Please keep in mind that when you post a poll, the results may alienate the minorities of the polls.
We are the people that already have a great and terrible stigma /stereotypes.
Its hard, to have to need, a support group. It takes courage to brave the world and all its opinions. all those ideas of what's normal, what's ok, accptable...

I poll can be validating, if your in the majority. It can be quite painful, frightning, depressing to be the one who thought, or felt outside the neat little box of the Poll... Its bad enough not being accepted by the world, your family, your friends, but the possibility, of the feeling, of being on the outside of the "norm" amoung one's peers here...well, isn't that what we are all fighting against here?
To be accepted for who we are. To have each and every persons life and experiences validated. To not judge, but to welcome. To not let even one person feel alone, aboandoned... strange...sick.

Be careful with those Polls, or else risk becoming that which you seek to avoid by coming here in the first place.

_________________________
Everyone is a genius! If you were to judge a fish, by its ability to climb a tree,
it would think it was stupid all of it's life.
~Albert Einstein

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#41883 - 02/17/03 09:50 AM Re: The Poll of all Polls.
Wuamei Offline
Member

Registered: 08/19/02
Posts: 2700
Loc: The left turn I should have ta...
Blacken:

You make a very good point, which I agree with and which I feel.

Here's another perspective to add to that:

As we all know, even as male survivors we are each unique in our individuality & our particular situations. Positively this means we're all special. Negatively it means we're all different.

With one another seems the safest place to, starting with each other, begin to perceive & relate to one another in our differences as special; ie move from more negative to more positive thinking, feeling & relating.

Polls bring out our uniquenesses, in one of the more immediate & obvious ways.

On the one hand, this is good if we see each other positively, and it's an easy format & context in which to practice so doing.

On the other hand, it's not so good if we see each other negatively, and it's also an easy place
in which to do this.

Either way, however, it can perform us the service of showing us how we perceive one another.

As any of us see our perceptions as more negative, rather graphically, displayed for all to see in the poll and our response to it in how we relate to others, it can help us deal with it and move toward being more positive.

If we see our perceptions being & becoming more positive, it encourages not only us but our fellow survivors, and encourages others to perceive, and relate, more positively as well.

Having said all that, even when we relate to others in a negative matter becuz of polls, what does that really say? That polls cause us to see & treat each other more negatively? Or that we may already be doing so, and maybe the poll just makes it plainer? If so isn't that a good thing?

Yes, when we respond to polls we set ourselves up for being responded to as members of a minority. Maybe positively, but yes maybe negatively.

Yet isn't this what we do by just being here, every time we post, every time we share a bit of ourselves & of our story, every time we give a response to another's story or opinion, every time we comment on a world event or a favorite song or a particular personal belief or idea.

If polls bring this out in a more immediately obvious way, don't they also bring it out in a less personal way? You've not shown yourself as a "minority member" in words & pictures, in detailed & personal ways. In fact unless you comment on your minority (or majority) response, who's to know for sure anyway?

The good news about this is that if you want to make it more personal you can. By commenting, and encouraging comments from others, you can learn of others who may share some of the more unique aspects of your own survival experiences, and share in this uniqueness with them.

Blacken, this is not a wholesale vote in favor of polls. It's just another perspective, another opinion, mine. Opinions, my friend, are like ears: all of us have 'em (or were meant to), they're all a bit different, they are not incompatible, and the bottom line is no one's are any better or worse than anyone else's.

And so it is with polls...

Victor

PS: Be assured your two concerns are being addressed. Only administrators can post polls, and poll ideas must go thru them; in particular, the discussion board administrator, Dave (Lloydy).
The risks are being carefully weighed, and there will be definite guidelines for polling.

_________________________
"I can't stand pain. It hurts me."
--Daffy Duck

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#41884 - 02/17/03 11:15 AM Re: The Poll of all Polls.
guy43 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/17/02
Posts: 450
Loc: Minnesota
Victor... yup!

Blacken, I'm really struck by what you've written. Pardon me if I take anything out of context.

Quote:
It can be quite painful, frightning, depressing to be the one who thought, or felt outside the neat little box of the Poll... Its bad enough not being accepted by the world, your family, your friends, but the possibility, of the feeling, of being on the outside of the "norm" amoung one's peers here...well, isn't that what we are all fighting against here?
I hope it's what were fighting against here. I feel outside the box here a lot of the time. I have some issues that are just too damn triggering for others (and even me most of the time) for me to risk talking about here in the Public or Members Forums.

I've felt outside the box of normal since I was about 12. Alienated, unaccepted by peers, unworthy, unable to relate/communicate with others... the self protective walls i've built are huge, my spirit feels so small inside trying to get out.

I want to heal, to live a normal life, to be normal.

Quote:
To be accepted for who we are. To have each and every persons life and experiences validated. To not judge, but to welcome. To not let even one person feel alone, abandoned... strange...sick.
I don't know whether to cry or scream. These two sentences sum it all up for me. I try so hard to do this but fail to do it, with others here and myself.

Are these two sentences what these Forums are about?

Would these two sentence make a good addition to the Mission Statement (main page of MS)?

I'm selling myself short and discounting the support I've gotten from some men I truly respect here, I'm sorry guys, it's not you men here...

I'm not doing ok. I reach out for help and support from the men (and women too) here.

jer


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#41885 - 02/17/03 12:21 PM Re: The Poll of all Polls.
Wuamei Offline
Member

Registered: 08/19/02
Posts: 2700
Loc: The left turn I should have ta...
Quote:
I'm not doing ok. I reach out for help and support from the men (and women too) here.

jer
Jer, I'm sorry you're not doing ok. Keep reaching out for the support here. You've got it.

TC & TTYL bro

Victor

_________________________
"I can't stand pain. It hurts me."
--Daffy Duck

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#41886 - 02/17/03 01:48 PM Re: The Poll of all Polls.
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
The last thing I want to do is upset anyone by using polls in any way that could alienate them, Blacken makes the point perfectly in the paragraph that Guy43 quoted. And a lot of others have made the same point as well.

I think that to ask, as I've said here before, any questions about "who did what and how long for ?" isn't really helpful and quite possibly damaging. That's the impression I get from reading through this post anyway, and It's my opinion as well to add my 2 cents.

The polls we use should add something to our recovery by providing information, or confirming our beliefs, in a way that is useful to some but not damaging to anyone. Quite a task, and one we should all be involved in, especially if you believe it will be harmful.

What I think I'll do is float the idea for any poll as a new topic, then we can gauge the reaction and perfect the question before I actually post it as a poll.

Is that a plan ?

Dave

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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#41887 - 02/17/03 08:14 PM Re: The Poll of all Polls.
Wuamei Offline
Member

Registered: 08/19/02
Posts: 2700
Loc: The left turn I should have ta...
Sounds like a plan to me Dave!

Victor

_________________________
"I can't stand pain. It hurts me."
--Daffy Duck

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#41888 - 04/23/03 08:32 PM Re: The Poll of all Polls.
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
SO........

Ignoring the fact that it was February when we last discussed this :rolleyes: here's a question that we need a list for to make a poll.

What physical ailments would you attribute to your sexual abuse ?

Now I know this is going to be a 'rough and ready' affair with no real accuracy but many of us seem to have strange or uncommon ailments and it might just make us aware that others share them and we might be able to gain some help.

So for now all I need is a list of ailments, if it's something that's uncommon then add a BRIEF de>
_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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#41889 - 04/23/03 09:23 PM Re: The Poll of all Polls.
Mike Church Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 01/23/03
Posts: 3439
Loc: Toronto, Canada
Hi Mike Church here

I have had anorexia
bulemia
Addiction to alcohol
Addiction to heroin
Addiction to violence
They were all directly related to my abuse

_________________________
Mikey

IT REALLY IS OK TO STUMBLE. NONE OF US ARE PERFECT.

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#41890 - 04/23/03 09:48 PM Re: The Poll of all Polls.
Wuamei Offline
Member

Registered: 08/19/02
Posts: 2700
Loc: The left turn I should have ta...
Complex PTSD
Fibromyalgia (FM)
Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (CFS)
Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD)
Severe Clinical Depression
Sleep Apnea
TMD
Degenerative Arthritis
High Blood Pressure
Allergies
Migraines
Addictions: Sex, Food, Narcotics, Alcohol, etc.

Victor

_________________________
"I can't stand pain. It hurts me."
--Daffy Duck

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#41891 - 04/24/03 10:16 PM Re: The Poll of all Polls.
Cement Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/05/02
Posts: 740
Loc: Southern California
Anxiety disorder
Panic Attacks
inability to concentrate
easily tired

I know those last two are iffy, but I put 'em in anyway.

James

_________________________
And let the darkness fear our light.

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#41892 - 04/25/03 03:18 PM Re: The Poll of all Polls.
MrEdd Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/24/03
Posts: 317
Loc: Texas
I Have
  • PTSD
  • Anxiety dissorder
  • depression

I also have no boundries in relationships with women.
I spend impulsively
I usually can not sleep unless I rock myself to sleep
I have sexual compulsions that I can now control with difficulty
I have scars from cutting and burning - although I haven't done that for nearly three months.

_________________________
Some Things are not problems to be solved, rather, they are facts which must be coped with over time.

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#41893 - 04/26/03 12:48 PM Re: The Poll of all Polls.
Wifey1 Offline
Member

Registered: 12/03/02
Posts: 380
I have:
Heart Disease
Vascular Disease
Diabetes type 2
Peripheral artery disease
Cerebral artery disease
Narcolepsy (sleep disorder)
Cataplexy (sleep disorder effected greatly by emotional state as well as physical)
Mild apnea
Restless Leg Syndrome (sleep disorder)
Hypnogogic Hallucinations (related to sleep disorders)
Hypertension (high blood pressure)
PTSD
Anxiety / Panic disorder
Depression
Eating disorders (mostly self starvation)
Migraines
Addictions to - Cigarrettes, Caffiene
Bruxism
Manic behaviors @ times
Co Dependancy (not sure if this counts)
Muscle & joint problems directly resulting from beatings as a child
Dental problems directly related to starvation as child (i.e. easily broken teeth)

Have abused legal & illegal drugs & alcohol @ sex @ various points in my life
Very Passive Aggressive personality

thanks, wifey1


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#41894 - 04/26/03 01:49 PM Re: The Poll of all Polls.
Marc Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/25/03
Posts: 256
Loc: Tucson, AZ
Quote:
Originally posted by Lloydy:
SO........

Ignoring the fact that it was February when we last discussed this :rolleyes: here's a question that we need a list for to make a poll.

What physical ailments would you attribute to your sexual abuse ?

Kind of a hard question to answer as I might even be able to tie "foot fungus" to abuse in some ways.

With this in mind...

1. Syphillis
2. Gonorrhea
3. NGU
4. Staphlococcus Aureus
5. Bicycle substance abuse (That is to say, I never stick with one substance. Cigs, drugs, sex, alchohol esp.)
6. Physical self-abuse (At my worst times, slapping myself around. I really know how to hate/berate myself.)

Most of mine "physically" have been through sexual acting out over the years. \:\(

I am just thankful not HIV so far though it hasn't been for lack of trying. That's one of the things I think that has brought me here. I'm not as they say 'poz' yet. Don't want to be since I've seen/know what it means. I feel like for some reason, that is why I haven't sero-converted. But time does run out. I really need to work through all this before I let that happen.


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