Newest Members
Stormchaser, johnnyc717, bluebook, Roscoe, SJC
12314 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
iwishicared (41), Scott Oliver (53), TutDaVinci (32)
Who's Online
2 registered (2 invisible), 22 Guests and 4 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12314 Members
74 Forums
63368 Topics
443104 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Twitter
Page 3 of 4 < 1 2 3 4 >
Topic Options
#41878 - 02/13/03 10:35 AM Re: The Poll of all Polls.
guy43 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/17/02
Posts: 450
Loc: Minnesota
good points Don-NY and Lloydy. So many ways a poll can be interperted: negatively, positively, doesn't apply to me, what and how to draw conclusions, etc...

KISS (keep it simple sam)?

Better to be direct and ask (or make a statement)? Yes! So much of my way of expressing myself has been guarded and indirect because I've felt like a freak and that if people around me knew what happened to me and how I've coped with it, they would not want to be friends with me... etc... etc...

My thoughts are this about polls in general, and then I'll offer an alternative.

Since finding this lifeline of a web site last fall it has been wonderful to get validation on my ways of thinking, feeling, reacting - as I went through my abuse, and after the abuse ended and continued my life as an adult (adult in body only that is).

That I'm not alone, that other men have had similar experiences and sometimes dysfunctional ways of dealing with life, that I actually have something in common with other human beings - this is perhaps the number one thing that means the most to me. Other number one things are the sharing, solutions, and caring that goes on here. A poll for me is just another way of finding a common ground to relate to the other men here.

So many times I've read something here in the forums (or the articles on the web site) and breathed a sigh of relief or had a moment of "oh geez, so that's why I think/feel/have done or do now and it's related to the abuse". I guess I was thinking that if there were enough questions in a poll or polls, that anyone could find some common ground to know they weren't alone.

The alternative I'm thinking about, which is better for me the more I consider it, is to take the questions posed here for polling and answer those I feel comfortable with answering in a public manner (and I can write answers just for myself and my T). For me it will sort like those dumb email 'getting to know you' things that get passed around - boxers or briefs? Only these questions are just a wee bit more meaningful.

In closing and switching gears a question Don-NY asked:

OMG, yes, current local/global events are having a big impact on my attitude. I'm discouraged about the ways things are going with the USA heading toward war. The problem is how to discuss current affairs without having it turn into a big political flaming hot potato. If I get up the gumption, I'll post my thoughts in the unmoderated/anything goes forum.

A three-sided penny for anyone's thoughts,

jer

p.s. my thanks to all of you for the support i've gotten.


Top
#41879 - 02/13/03 04:40 PM Re: The Poll of all Polls.
Wuamei Offline
Member

Registered: 08/19/02
Posts: 2700
Loc: The left turn I should have ta...
Polls can be used to gather helpful info, to help us know what we're up against in fighting SA, to help people find more common ground & connections to help in starting discussion. No doubt there are other ways to do such things. Perhaps they should be used selectively and maybe at least start with just simple questions as Dave said collecting hard data.

Victor

_________________________
"I can't stand pain. It hurts me."
--Daffy Duck

Top
#41880 - 02/13/03 11:05 PM Re: The Poll of all Polls.
ScottyTodd Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 02/12/03
Posts: 1561
Loc: Pennsylvania
It was fascinating reading everyone's thoughts on polls. Generally I like polls that help assess where I am in my journey and lets me know others are working on their journey too. I would hope that polls do stir thinking, assessing, talking because it becomes personal not just a statistic (which seems to sit there idle).

By the way, Don-NY, all this fuss in the world does not have me upset to much because if it happens - I'm going to deal with it. If it does not happen - I'm going to deal with it. They haven't asked for my opinion - so they'll proceed without it. I generally lok and address those things I can do and put on the back burner those things I can't do!

_________________________
If you think you can or you can't - you're right!.......anon
It's never too late to have a happy childhood!.....anon
You're very normal for the abnormal situation you've been through..............S. Todd

Top
#41881 - 02/13/03 11:06 PM Re: The Poll of all Polls.
ScottyTodd Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 02/12/03
Posts: 1561
Loc: Pennsylvania
It was fascinating reading everyone's thoughts on polls. Generally I like polls that help assess where I am in my journey and lets me know others are working on their journey too. I would hope that polls do stir thinking, assessing, talking because it becomes personal not just a statistic (which seems to sit there idle).

By the way, Don-NY, all this fuss in the world does not have me upset to much because if it happens - I'm going to deal with it. If it does not happen - I'm going to deal with it. They haven't asked for my opinion - so they'll proceed without it. I generally lok and address those things I can do and put on the back burner those things I can't do!

_________________________
If you think you can or you can't - you're right!.......anon
It's never too late to have a happy childhood!.....anon
You're very normal for the abnormal situation you've been through..............S. Todd

Top
#41882 - 02/17/03 01:06 AM Re: The Poll of all Polls.
blacken Offline
Chatroom Moderator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 08/13/01
Posts: 1216
Loc: Northern Ohio
Since it appears polls are on there way, I have two points/suggestions,

1)Polls should posted by administrators, only.
Questions & formats for polls should be directed to the/an administrators.

2) Please keep in mind that when you post a poll, the results may alienate the minorities of the polls.
We are the people that already have a great and terrible stigma /stereotypes.
Its hard, to have to need, a support group. It takes courage to brave the world and all its opinions. all those ideas of what's normal, what's ok, accptable...

I poll can be validating, if your in the majority. It can be quite painful, frightning, depressing to be the one who thought, or felt outside the neat little box of the Poll... Its bad enough not being accepted by the world, your family, your friends, but the possibility, of the feeling, of being on the outside of the "norm" amoung one's peers here...well, isn't that what we are all fighting against here?
To be accepted for who we are. To have each and every persons life and experiences validated. To not judge, but to welcome. To not let even one person feel alone, aboandoned... strange...sick.

Be careful with those Polls, or else risk becoming that which you seek to avoid by coming here in the first place.

_________________________
Everyone is a genius! If you were to judge a fish, by its ability to climb a tree,
it would think it was stupid all of it's life.
~Albert Einstein

Top
#41883 - 02/17/03 09:50 AM Re: The Poll of all Polls.
Wuamei Offline
Member

Registered: 08/19/02
Posts: 2700
Loc: The left turn I should have ta...
Blacken:

You make a very good point, which I agree with and which I feel.

Here's another perspective to add to that:

As we all know, even as male survivors we are each unique in our individuality & our particular situations. Positively this means we're all special. Negatively it means we're all different.

With one another seems the safest place to, starting with each other, begin to perceive & relate to one another in our differences as special; ie move from more negative to more positive thinking, feeling & relating.

Polls bring out our uniquenesses, in one of the more immediate & obvious ways.

On the one hand, this is good if we see each other positively, and it's an easy format & context in which to practice so doing.

On the other hand, it's not so good if we see each other negatively, and it's also an easy place
in which to do this.

Either way, however, it can perform us the service of showing us how we perceive one another.

As any of us see our perceptions as more negative, rather graphically, displayed for all to see in the poll and our response to it in how we relate to others, it can help us deal with it and move toward being more positive.

If we see our perceptions being & becoming more positive, it encourages not only us but our fellow survivors, and encourages others to perceive, and relate, more positively as well.

Having said all that, even when we relate to others in a negative matter becuz of polls, what does that really say? That polls cause us to see & treat each other more negatively? Or that we may already be doing so, and maybe the poll just makes it plainer? If so isn't that a good thing?

Yes, when we respond to polls we set ourselves up for being responded to as members of a minority. Maybe positively, but yes maybe negatively.

Yet isn't this what we do by just being here, every time we post, every time we share a bit of ourselves & of our story, every time we give a response to another's story or opinion, every time we comment on a world event or a favorite song or a particular personal belief or idea.

If polls bring this out in a more immediately obvious way, don't they also bring it out in a less personal way? You've not shown yourself as a "minority member" in words & pictures, in detailed & personal ways. In fact unless you comment on your minority (or majority) response, who's to know for sure anyway?

The good news about this is that if you want to make it more personal you can. By commenting, and encouraging comments from others, you can learn of others who may share some of the more unique aspects of your own survival experiences, and share in this uniqueness with them.

Blacken, this is not a wholesale vote in favor of polls. It's just another perspective, another opinion, mine. Opinions, my friend, are like ears: all of us have 'em (or were meant to), they're all a bit different, they are not incompatible, and the bottom line is no one's are any better or worse than anyone else's.

And so it is with polls...

Victor

PS: Be assured your two concerns are being addressed. Only administrators can post polls, and poll ideas must go thru them; in particular, the discussion board administrator, Dave (Lloydy).
The risks are being carefully weighed, and there will be definite guidelines for polling.

_________________________
"I can't stand pain. It hurts me."
--Daffy Duck

Top
#41884 - 02/17/03 11:15 AM Re: The Poll of all Polls.
guy43 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/17/02
Posts: 450
Loc: Minnesota
Victor... yup!

Blacken, I'm really struck by what you've written. Pardon me if I take anything out of context.

Quote:
It can be quite painful, frightning, depressing to be the one who thought, or felt outside the neat little box of the Poll... Its bad enough not being accepted by the world, your family, your friends, but the possibility, of the feeling, of being on the outside of the "norm" amoung one's peers here...well, isn't that what we are all fighting against here?
I hope it's what were fighting against here. I feel outside the box here a lot of the time. I have some issues that are just too damn triggering for others (and even me most of the time) for me to risk talking about here in the Public or Members Forums.

I've felt outside the box of normal since I was about 12. Alienated, unaccepted by peers, unworthy, unable to relate/communicate with others... the self protective walls i've built are huge, my spirit feels so small inside trying to get out.

I want to heal, to live a normal life, to be normal.

Quote:
To be accepted for who we are. To have each and every persons life and experiences validated. To not judge, but to welcome. To not let even one person feel alone, abandoned... strange...sick.
I don't know whether to cry or scream. These two sentences sum it all up for me. I try so hard to do this but fail to do it, with others here and myself.

Are these two sentences what these Forums are about?

Would these two sentence make a good addition to the Mission Statement (main page of MS)?

I'm selling myself short and discounting the support I've gotten from some men I truly respect here, I'm sorry guys, it's not you men here...

I'm not doing ok. I reach out for help and support from the men (and women too) here.

jer


Top
#41885 - 02/17/03 12:21 PM Re: The Poll of all Polls.
Wuamei Offline
Member

Registered: 08/19/02
Posts: 2700
Loc: The left turn I should have ta...
Quote:
I'm not doing ok. I reach out for help and support from the men (and women too) here.

jer
Jer, I'm sorry you're not doing ok. Keep reaching out for the support here. You've got it.

TC & TTYL bro

Victor

_________________________
"I can't stand pain. It hurts me."
--Daffy Duck

Top
#41886 - 02/17/03 01:48 PM Re: The Poll of all Polls.
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
The last thing I want to do is upset anyone by using polls in any way that could alienate them, Blacken makes the point perfectly in the paragraph that Guy43 quoted. And a lot of others have made the same point as well.

I think that to ask, as I've said here before, any questions about "who did what and how long for ?" isn't really helpful and quite possibly damaging. That's the impression I get from reading through this post anyway, and It's my opinion as well to add my 2 cents.

The polls we use should add something to our recovery by providing information, or confirming our beliefs, in a way that is useful to some but not damaging to anyone. Quite a task, and one we should all be involved in, especially if you believe it will be harmful.

What I think I'll do is float the idea for any poll as a new topic, then we can gauge the reaction and perfect the question before I actually post it as a poll.

Is that a plan ?

Dave

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

Top
#41887 - 02/17/03 08:14 PM Re: The Poll of all Polls.
Wuamei Offline
Member

Registered: 08/19/02
Posts: 2700
Loc: The left turn I should have ta...
Sounds like a plan to me Dave!

Victor

_________________________
"I can't stand pain. It hurts me."
--Daffy Duck

Top
Page 3 of 4 < 1 2 3 4 >


Moderator:  ModTeam, TJ jeff 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.