Newest Members
Hank2, Severe stammer, Jeff B., Aquarian, synthguy
12837 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
Melanie (44), txb (21)
Who's Online
7 registered (don64, 5 invisible), 14 Guests and 4 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12837 Members
75 Forums
66337 Topics
463524 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Topic Options
#418487 - 12/08/12 12:37 AM The Wounded Heart
Jude Offline

Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1624
Loc: New England
I am reading the book: The Wounded Heart by Dan Allender. Its a Christian perspective on healing from childhood sexual abuse. Anybody read it? I'm kind of struggling with the presumption of sin on the part of the victim, and the need to repent, to be healed and become close to God. I know what my sins are (see my many posts), but it feels too much like blaming the victim. But maybe I'm not reading it right. I'd be interested in hearing what others thought of the book.

I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
Sarah McLachlan

#418494 - 12/08/12 02:35 AM Re: The Wounded Heart [Re: Jude]
traveler Offline

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3787
Loc: somewhere in Africa
Dude - er, Jude!

i read it too and i took it the same way. sounded to me not like he was saying that the abuse was the victim's fault (blaming the victim) - but like any response to the abuse that included denial, dissociation, repression of memories or anything other than total acceptance - was essentially untruthful = living a lie and therefore a sin that needed to be repented. i reacted very strongly and negatively to that assumption.

that being said - the book also had some very valuable insights - based on research and other documented sources as well as the author's own counselling experience - that i found helpful. i talked it over with my T and and he said - "no one is right all the time. take what you find useful and put the rest aside." he did not agree with the idea of repenting of dissociation as if it were a sin. it is a survival technique - and often the only option to a victim, not a conscious choice.

i'd be glad to discuss it more if you want - either here or by PM.

We are often troubled, but not crushed;
sometimes in doubt, but never in despair;
there are many enemies, but we are never without a friend;
and though badly hurt at times, we are not destroyed.
- Paul, II Cor 4:8-9


Moderator:  ModTeam 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.