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#469195 - 08/20/14 11:02 PM Re: Trying to Start [Re: BuffaloCO]
BuffaloCO Online   confused


Registered: 07/14/12
Posts: 440
Loc: USA
Never give up! I'm speaking for the 3rd time now in public. It's always tough, but each time I bet it'll get easier. Never give up!
_________________________
“We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark. The real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.” - Plato

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#469198 - 08/21/14 01:05 AM Re: Trying to Start [Re: BuffaloCO]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 3546
Loc: O Kanada
great news.
good to hear from you.
congratulations and best wishes.
_________________________
Victor|Victim

War
Love
Poetry

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#469795 - 09/07/14 04:02 PM Re: Trying to Start [Re: BuffaloCO]
BuffaloCO Online   confused


Registered: 07/14/12
Posts: 440
Loc: USA
There has 2 b an end 2 the list of "challenges". Don't know what that is but every time I face one and stomp it like my T says, it's one less on the list.
_________________________
“We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark. The real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.” - Plato

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#471206 - 10/13/14 11:38 PM Re: Trying to Start [Re: BuffaloCO]
BuffaloCO Online   confused


Registered: 07/14/12
Posts: 440
Loc: USA
Man, everyday I am around people who just hate life. Like I'm working now and it is only temporary, but everyday several people there who are not temporary sit around and complain about how much they hate their job. It is frustrating but I wonder if I'm missing something. Maybe they have a story like me, who knows.

More stuff is coming up for me too. Ok I'll face it down again with my T. Some days I want to just tell the complainers...want to know what I'm trying to walk through and then tell me how hard your life is? But that's not the right thing to say either, it's just anger and mean and not good.

So I wonder if I'm becoming one of those people who looks past people, like people looked past me for years. I hope not. I try to care, reach out, etc. but it doesn't seem to make a difference to some. Maybe the answer is to try harder, remember where I was and where I am, and know that I did not get here by myself. Trying by myself always failed. How do we reach out when we're tired inside too?
_________________________
“We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark. The real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.” - Plato

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#471226 - 10/14/14 08:03 AM Re: Trying to Start [Re: BuffaloCO]
Bardo Offline


Registered: 09/24/14
Posts: 100
"be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle"...attributed to Plato (arguably), but so true for us all.

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#471227 - 10/14/14 08:04 AM Re: Trying to Start [Re: BuffaloCO]
Rich1967 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/17/13
Posts: 289
Loc: PA
I think sometimes you just have to only worry about yourself and that's okay. I also think you really can't help anyone unless they are willing to be helped. You can be nice and offer but if they don't bite that is just where they need t be for now.

I love the way you attack your fears. That's how I operate as well. It's tiresome at times and I need breaks from time to time.
_________________________
Rich

"Me too" - I don't think I will ever get tired of saying or hearing these two words.

My Story:
http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=441625#Post441625

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#471251 - 10/14/14 08:45 PM Re: Trying to Start [Re: BuffaloCO]
BuffaloCO Online   confused


Registered: 07/14/12
Posts: 440
Loc: USA
Thanks guys. Guess I still have stuff to work out. Just when you think you have something beaten for good, a new challenge comes along so I post to vent because it rattles me, but here I get good advice and support. The really cool thing now for me is this. I know I am not alone anymore. Not alone! I'll push though this too and keep going, that I promise. BTW in three weeks I'll get the chance to tell two more family members about this. Told two already, so just three to go. This telling stuff is freeing too, like one more chain broken and for good.


Edited by BuffaloCO (10/14/14 08:47 PM)
Edit Reason: Added last two lines.
_________________________
“We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark. The real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.” - Plato

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#471285 - 10/15/14 01:20 PM Re: Trying to Start [Re: BuffaloCO]
jas4159 Offline


Registered: 06/16/11
Posts: 300
thank you for sharing.

you have made a good start getting started. Your counselor makes a good point. i have a slightly different twist - I live by the "What Now" thinking and i have abandoned the "What If" Thinking. it has been very productive as this poorly written poem tries to express.


The Boy Warrior:

You came as a thief in the night.
A Cowards heroics.
And took all that was dear to me,
never asking just taking.

You followed in the shadows a
all the days of my life,
But, now I see you, no more places
for you to hide,
You were the monsters chasing me in my dreams,
And will no more.

For out of the ashes of the life you took,
came something you cannot take,
The courage of a child!
The love of a child!
Or the spirit of a child!

Yes you took so much.
And you still follow and torment
me in my moments of weakness.

So many times you wore me down,
and each time I would fight you back.
For so long I fought you to a stalemate,
never winning never loosing.

Me at the edge of the abyss,
And you always managing to
take more ground.
Never satisfied,
Greed with no bounds.

Always trying to push me over the edge,
and close you came many a time.
How clever you thought you were!

How blind you are by your own ignorance.
Only a fool wouldn't know,
That out of the destruction comes creation

Yes my old nemesis, my life long companion.
You did create something!
You made me!

I am the sum of your trials.
You are part of me.
I accept you are part of my life.
I accept you have taken all that is dear to me.
Above all, I accept you made the Boy Warrior!!!

Did you believe I would never find him again?

That eight year old boy, I left behind so many years ago.
It is he who carried me thru life!
It is he who pushed you when I could not!
It was he who loved when I wanted to hate!
It was he who cried when I could not!
It is he who opened my eyes to you!
It is he who would not give up on me-when I gave up on him!

Yes you hurt me.
But you did not destroy me or him.
We stand together now, side by side - you have lost!
Yes! See what you have made!

You know the bad, but what of the good?
You know not my measure of Love,
Compassion,
Generosity,
My spirit,
Love of life and people!
Or my unwavering faith.
You know not my willingness to do
the right thing regardless of the cost.

No you don't know me!
And you never will.

I will morn my loses.
And rejoice for my life.
There are no more shadows.
As we walk in the light of our soul now.

The soul of an eight-year-old boy and
a 53-year-old man who became the boy warrior.
A boy who's smile lights the way,
As we forever embrace and walk the path of life as one.
Whole again.


Stay Strong.

Rich
_________________________
Thanks

rich

justanothersurvivror.wordpress.com

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#472353 - 11/09/14 03:12 PM Re: Trying to Start [Re: BuffaloCO]
BuffaloCO Online   confused


Registered: 07/14/12
Posts: 440
Loc: USA
Ok, so I'm learning this process takes weird directions. I was all ready to talk to two more family members last week, but I knew inside they were not ready. So I'll wait till that time feels right to me. I will keep going forward!
_________________________
“We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark. The real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.” - Plato

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#472389 - 11/11/14 07:17 AM Re: Trying to Start [Re: BuffaloCO]
concerned_husky Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/29/12
Posts: 605
Hey Buff,

Good to hear from you.

I think survivors can have a very honed-in sense of who can "take" the news and who can't. If you have a gut feeling it's not the right time, you're probably right.

Keep up the good work. smile
_________________________
Husky

My Story

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