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#393115 - 04/11/12 10:02 PM Re: Did our CSA make us gay???? [Re: lbcali1978]
douglaswil Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/12
Posts: 35
Loc: Russellville, AR
This all is interesting.

When I was eight I was molested by my step-dad, it went on for two years. Ever since I have had a strong desire to be with other men sexually. This is fine with me, if I am born this way then ok, BUT I am married and been married eight years. I do not want to ruin my marriage to become "who I am".

It is so difficult to go through this and I live in a small podunk town in Arkansas, where I have NEVER spoken to someone else who has been abused. 1 in 6 and you would think I would meet someone, it is just no one talks about it. I talked about it at church one time and thought I was going to get kicked out.

In May I will be going to a WOR in GA, I cannot wait. I want to go from victim to survivor.
_________________________
Doug
www.dugslife.com
I am DOUG, not Egbert!

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#393128 - 04/11/12 11:43 PM Re: Did our CSA make us gay???? [Re: lbcali1978]
Vadrian Offline


Registered: 09/10/11
Posts: 111
Loc: Pacific
The word 'gay' originally meant happy, so no I definitely wasn't made gay by my abuse; it turned my world into an unendingly sad place. Cuddling with my boyfriend on the other hand, that makes me totally gay.

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#394158 - 04/20/12 12:15 AM Re: Did our CSA make us gay???? [Re: lbcali1978]
westsidej Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/04/09
Posts: 150
Loc: Minnesota
Please see newer post on page 4 of 4.

Merci


Edited by westsidej (08/07/12 07:30 PM)
Edit Reason: newer post
_________________________
My CSA story TRIGGERS!!!!

The hottest place in Hell is reserved for those who remain neutral in times of great moral conflict. Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

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#394184 - 04/20/12 01:35 AM * [Re: lbcali1978]
Smalltown80sBoy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/25/12
Posts: 2217
*


Edited by Smalltown80sBoy (04/28/13 05:22 PM)

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#395933 - 05/03/12 09:53 AM Re: Did our CSA make us gay???? [Re: lbcali1978]
Randy65 Offline


Registered: 04/14/12
Posts: 109
Loc: Jonesboro, Arkansas
Well, this is certainly something that people are curious about since I have gone public with my CSA. I have never questioned my sexuality, I know that I have always been gay. I know straight CSA survivors that are having serious issues with this. We all have admitted that sex is still very confusing for all of us. CSA just messes that up. I am very fortunate to have a partner for 12 years who loves me and had educated himself when the flashbacks started to happen at age 46. I video my journey because the meds I need now are so strong and interfere with my typing. My first two videos are below.

I love MS.ORG and love this forum and you all!
Randy
_________________________
My Story of CSA
http://youtu.be/EJIlKCRL_6M

My Story of CSA: The Day God Entered My Heart
http://youtu.be/vpCWEp6u9zM

My Story of CSA: "Flashbacks" (Trigger Caution)
http://youtu.be/xLd5Fe-MxVM



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#396105 - 05/04/12 09:23 PM Re: Did our CSA make us gay???? [Re: lbcali1978]
GeorgeMartin Offline


Registered: 12/29/07
Posts: 190
Loc: USA
Do you not think that this type of question is implied by the offenders of sexual abuse, and society (the media) in general? It is a question I think that is used only to provide them with an excuse to minimize their own responsibility for the sexual abuse of children, then and now?! It was merely only 30 years ago child sexual abuse/child pornography was 'legal' in the USA. Only in the mid-1970's when the feminist movement got traction, did sexual abuse of children begin to get addressed in Congress, Oprah, etc. Homosexuality in and of itself was considered a mental illness and abnormal a mere 30 years ago. Still is, in some circles. In some sections of our society, there are some that would delightfully LOVE to see the LGBT corralled into trucks and relocated to distant concentration camps and or shot dead. They condemn women's rights to give or not give life, and yet the men-in-power have stock piles of N.B.C. (nuclear-biological-chemical weaponry) that would made God weep! Nothing is said in protest from the religious and or the naive of this society. But it is really easy to blame the faggots of the world. Let's fix the problem.... find a cure, environment or genetic... the flick of the switch.... let's bring back electro-therapy and the tongue suppressors say some today. They created the Ex-Gay Movement and the False Memory Syndrome Advocates for a reason, you know that. Silence and Doubt are the double barrel shotgun pointed at all us victims/survivors.

To ask "whether or the childhood sexual abuse of a child... perhaps causes a child to later become a homosexual" negates the responsibility of not only the offender, but also those who are creating the environment of an offender to offend in the first place to my thinking.

If homosexuals are predisposed to be homosexual because of environment (Dad was distant/Mother was 'too close' or over-bearing) or that there is an alleged genetic preposition for a child to be 'gay' .... then what?

Some corporate schmucks will come along, creating a pill that a Homosexual young person takes, because their parents want their child 'to be a normal, God Fearing Heterosexual, so that the said parents can have a grand-baby someday in the future? If it is a genetic trait or cell gone astray, and that an alleged genetic 'defect' caused poor depraved homo Johnny to have a limp wrist and dress in his sisters clothes and lipstick every Saturday night, well the corporate religious run society condoned entity, can just put an ad in Sunday's Paper, so Mom and Pop can can drive little ol' homo Johnny to the next County over, and fix his 'problem' without anyone every noticing on Monday? Just like his Auntie was driven to another State, to have a baby, that was mysteriously adopted out, via a Catholic Orphanage, when her Uncle 'knocked her up' and the family couldn't deal with the shame, so they blamed the 15 year old girl for not holding the dime with her knee's til she was married.

How many times have we all read in the local newspapers wherein a Catholic Priest is found to be guilty of molesting little boys in the pews, etc and the neighbor lady sitting in the nearby chair, responds with a retort, that the so & so MUST have been a homosexual and ought to be shot?

Society paints with the same brush across many spectrum's. A sexual offender is automatically defined in general society as a pedophile. A homosexual is considered one and or both today by many. If a victim is harmed sexually by another male, one and or both are 'labeled' as homosexual's, quietly and whispered behind closed doors. Therefore, in society, the thinking, twisted as it is, is that if we can just figure out what makes 'gay people' be gay, we can cure pedophilia/sexual abusers. I had one gentleman incredibly ask me one day, "aren't they one and the same, sexual child molesters and fags?"

Society automatically assumes that a man molesting a boy is a homosexual/pedophile. When in reality, not all offenders identify as gay. Some non-fixated or regressed sexual offenders are those who have an age appropriate sexual preference (usually heterosexual) but during times of stress, look to a child or children to satisfy their emotional needs through using sexual acts as power and control. Abuse is about ego, power and control of either the offender his or her self, since they feel they don't have control (so they have to control someone else weaker than themselves ... they feel a lack of power, so they gain that power by using their adult size and adult thinking/manipulative tatics to overpower the child/ grooming). The role of stress in an offender is viewed as a precipitation, which triggers the offense(s). It is the twisted psychological needs of the offender, not necessarily sexual, that motivates the offender(s) to harm a child sexually.

So with that said, when an offender tells a child, when they are curious or are themselves biologically aroused before, or during the abuse by the offender, that they 'wanted it' ... the offender is causing the child victim to internalize the blame, the sin, and the guilt for the criminal acts of the offender adult him or herself has done to the victim child.

Why wouldn't an offender and or society as a whole blame the victim by claiming that one, the other, or both victim and or offender are homosexuals, or that homosexuals are child molesters. Or that child molester's are homosexuals (male to male sexual abuse/assault)?

Therefore, when a victim and subsequent sexual abuse homosexual victim/survivor ponders whether their prior abuse caused them to be gay or not, it is easy to pick up what the offender and or society tries to imply to us 'about what is what it is they assume SHOULD be, according to their moral compasses'. Place this question, right along with the guilt, sin and blame the offenders and society in general places on us as their victims, squarely where it all belongs.....

In the hands of society in general in how they conduct themselves , individually and as a whole, and more importantly on the offenders that fail to pick up their own internal responsibilities towards the child victims of yesterday and today who will be the adults of tomorrow, when their victims were vulnerable children, whether they were gay or not!

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#396122 - 05/04/12 11:46 PM * [Re: GeorgeMartin]
Smalltown80sBoy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/25/12
Posts: 2217
*


Edited by Smalltown80sBoy (04/28/13 05:42 PM)

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#396125 - 05/05/12 12:08 AM Re: Did our CSA make us gay???? [Re: GeorgeMartin]
peroperic2009 Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3608
Loc: South-East Europe
I'm relating this question more to self reflection than to society issues. Many survivors were left confused (me too) after abuse. And I've been asking this kind of question to myself for very long time. So to me this is not related to some sociological spheres.
_________________________
My story

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#396152 - 05/05/12 01:11 AM * [Re: lbcali1978]
Smalltown80sBoy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/25/12
Posts: 2217
*


Edited by Smalltown80sBoy (04/28/13 05:42 PM)

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#396160 - 05/05/12 02:27 AM Re: Did our CSA make us gay???? [Re: lbcali1978]
peroperic2009 Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3608
Loc: South-East Europe
Hey Gary, actually I've been written in first place some stuff but after couple of minutes I decided not to post it, now I'll type it again smile
I can give you other perspective and how is here...
First let me tell you that I'm coming from touching culture, meaning showing affection publicly is appreciated and we don't have set up some strong public moral frame on sexual issues. And especially towards kids we are very protective and affectionate. In same respect we tend to feel much care and compassion for victims of any abuse. Our cultural values are mainly connected to family, meaning that we all have some kind of barrier if some stuff is implied from outside. Especially if there is some false moral included.
So regarding broader picture, we consider "society" as a little bit immature to interfere into our personal matters, especially in some complex issues like intimacy (including sex, love and orientation). So we put some values high on scale and out of reach of some interfering from outside, meaning even that some open discussion is not welcomed there. This also means that impact of media in "valuable" maters to us is not strong, we actually don't like it.
For example it is outrageous even to think in case of sexual abuse that some victims "wanted it", regardless of sex, age, orientation or whatsoever of victims. We consider such thinking as too harmful towards victims (we are always trying to be protective). Same goes to homophobic stance in case of some abuse. And even we are conservative society (meaning sometimes hostile to "different" people like LGTB) there is never been raised issue like that in public in case of some abuse. Somehow we are very sensitive against any kind of violence and safety and well being of victims is always priority.
But in some cases like gay parade there is always open discussion, is it appropriate, is it too offensive for some conservative and religious people or whatsoever. And in one part of country (the most conservative and right oriented) we have had even violence and clash against gay parade. At other side, in same city couple of years ago people have found pedophile at public place taking pictures of children and almost killed him and police actually saved him.
_________________________
My story

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