Hello everyone,

I had a very bad altercation today with the manager at a book store of all people. I was angry because she would take back a book I had rented. The reason? A mangled cover. I asked for the number of the corporate office. She continued on being condescending and belittling towards me. I told her I did not care and to just give me the number. Next thing I know "she's telling me to "watch it," which I found absolutely doubly rude to however I was being. Now I am feeling a storm of rage within myself, although I can't really understand why.

This always happens whenever I have a disagreement with someone. I take it so damn personally. I've done the normal venting procedures. I called the corporate store and made contact with the administration at my school about her conduct...and yet I still have this swirling rage. It's like, regardless if I report her,I won't feel any propensity to move on unless I know something happens to her.

The bubble of rage is literally keeping me from eating and enjoying my successes I am currently having. And I don't even get it. Logically, I realize that I should not be taking her immature and unprofessional conduct so seriously, but yet I am. I am reeling in rage right now and I could really use some support.

Any explanations and ways to get through it?

Seieki

hey man
I have to say I have found that I tend to rage when I feel that I have been dis-empowered the normal exchange has been taken from me.then,and when I feel trapped because that is how it was when I was a kid the feeling is so similar. I have to talk to myself and remind me that I am not trapped and I am empowered to make corrections you did the right things you reported her and stood up to the threat. you have the right to be proud of that. and of the good things you are accomplishing. her actions do not make you any less or rob you in any way man. keep up the good work!

Hi Newground,

I think your explanation makes sense. Whenever someone goes against me in an antagonizing way it does feel like their taking away my power. I'm glad to hear there are ways to deal with this. I think the other side of the coin is that I feel I should not have acted so emotionally to having to pay for the book. Like I couldn't control myself and thus I really have no reason to complain. I also have a tendency to place the blame on myself when someone treats badly. It's always a great balancing act that pivots from my fault to their fault.

Hey Seik.......have been down that road many times....kind of like an inner intense chatter...planning what I can do to that person/company/bookstore etc

I have found it helpful to just sit with it, watch those feelings without judgement......feelings of worthlessness have made me very defensive when attacked or told no......the funny thing is, they just go away on their own, without us throwing fuel on the fire......hope that that helps in some way

Seikei

I am sorry to hear of your encounter. I believe we so easily feel threatened by others because our lives were betrayed so young. Trust and having the feeling of being respected is so easily lost. Try to relax and realize it was only an incident and not what happened with the abuse. Rage can alter how we perceive ourselves and others.

Do something you enjoy, take a walk and venting always helps as long as it does not consumer you. Think of three things that made you happy yesterday or over the past week.

It takes time and you are facing it and realizing how you feel. Important steps.

*

hi seikei

"rage issues" was among the list some psychiatrist wrote about me. I think Newground's words are rlly acurate. It has something to do with taking the situation out of your hands, something your brain learnt to take as a warning signal. I remember I was told people learn how to control rage during childhood (that's why adults *usually* don't throw tantrums)so if childhood was hell, people never learnt how to handle it in a good way.

I think understanding this is the best way of dealing with this issue.

hi seikei

I don't know if it is to late to be relevant but I sdo know rage. I have learned that is something for me which begins with fear or danger. (It triggers the amygdala). I "know" I must protect myself. One method is rage. It is one I am familiar with so it is easy. It also has the advantage of suppressing sadness.

For me what triggers my reaction is the fear that I cannot protect myself. This belief is consistant with the reality of my childhood. If I think back to circumstances of my childhood, I will be very sad and may not be able to cope at all. So I hold onto the rage and nurture it. It feels like it is consuming me. mI review how I behaved looking for where I was wrong and why the rage is a bad reaction (or over reaction). The truth for me is that it is protection from the sense of danger that I expect when "attacked" (or treated rudely or with disrespect). To hold onto the feeling of rage is a defense againt the reexperiencing of my childhood, the overwhelming reality that I was without power and those who could protect me would attack me, or betray me by leaving me with no protection from the attacker.

It is possible to find that sense of peace, to quiet your mind and get your breath back. But, if you are like me, you will need the rage until you access the method you use to find peace.

I hope you understand that it is not unusual for us, meditation, breathing, promoting an awareness of the present are all methods to peace. As you continue your journey, you will find that it takes less time to get to peace. But understand. It is now 46 years since my last molestation. I am 63. It is not an overnight matter.

I hope my experience is useful