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#418216 - 12/05/12 03:35 AM hi
panda Offline


Registered: 12/05/12
Posts: 16
Loc: Michigan
i don't really know what i'm doing here.
it happened when i was 9
i'm 26
i recently recovered memories of it.
i'm seeing a therapist but she is not available 24/7 like a message board. i don't really know what to expect.

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#418218 - 12/05/12 03:45 AM Re: hi [Re: panda]
peroperic2009 Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3614
Loc: South-East Europe
Hello Panda wink Welcome to MaleSurvivor!
I'm glad that you discovered this site and that you came here.
It seems like many of us came without knowing what to expect.
I was the same a little bit over one year ago and can tell you what I've found here.
I've found great people who were willing to share their experience, I've found many stories that helped me not to feel alone, I've found a lot of resources that helped me to better understand impacts of abuse, I've found compassion and support which sometimes I can't have in real life and many more.
Please take some time and learn about site guidelines, rules and what is offered to us and share as much as possible!
Be well!

Pero

_________________________
My story

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#418232 - 12/05/12 07:24 AM Re: hi [Re: panda]
finallyopen Offline


Registered: 11/16/12
Posts: 69
Loc: Ontario, Canada
Welcome to MS
We are all here for the same reason.
People in here share your situation and find others who have experienced the same situations.
Share as much as you can, no one will judge - we are all here for the same reason .. an outlet.
Male friends that understand.
_________________________
My Story : http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthr...4645#Post434645

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#418259 - 12/05/12 11:15 AM Re: hi [Re: panda]
panda Offline


Registered: 12/05/12
Posts: 16
Loc: Michigan
thank you for the warm welcome. i was nervous signing up but i feel better about it now

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#418271 - 12/05/12 01:28 PM Re: hi [Re: panda]
Jude Offline


Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1570
Loc: New England
Originally Posted By: panda
i don't really know what to expect.


Dear Panda,

Welcome. You can expect a group of guys who "get it". Guys of all ages who have had experiences and feelings similar to yours. Guys at all stages of recovery who you can learn from. Guys from all nations, of all sexual orientations and experiences, who despite our differences, will support you and whatever you're going thru.

You are courageous to be dealing with your CSA at 26. Many of us kept it bottled up till much later in life and have wasted many years trying to deaden the memories with alcohol, drugs, sex, and bad relationships. You have the opportunity to create a life as a whole healthy man. Go for it!

Jude
_________________________
Everyday is a winding road
I get a little bit closer
Everyday is a faded sign
I get a little bit closer to feeling fine.
Sheryl Crow

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#418275 - 12/05/12 02:07 PM Re: hi [Re: panda]
BuffaloCO Offline


Registered: 07/14/12
Posts: 428
Loc: USA
Hi Panda, my abuse started young, at around 6 for me. This site, and getting T, have helped me deal with it and I am making progress sorting it out and moving forward. I know you can too. Welcome.
_________________________
“We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark. The real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.” - Plato

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#418277 - 12/05/12 02:41 PM Re: hi [Re: panda]
Anomalous Offline
Greeter Coordinator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 03/07/10
Posts: 1350
Hi Panda,

Welcome to MS.

I am glad you have found this place of healing and support.

In addition to your individual therapist, your county rape crisis center may have a group for males. If they do not currently have one, you may be able to get them to create a group, though that may take some time. You can find a list of the Rape Crisis centers here.

There are several books you might find useful.

Abused Boys: The Neglected Victims of Sexual Abuse by Mic Hunter

Victims No Longer by Mike Lew

I am certain others will share titles they have found useful. You can find these titles, and others here at the bookstore.

Take your time and look around. You do not want to trigger yourself by reading too many posts at one time.

At your own pace, read the boards and wander into chat. The lounge (chat) is open 24 hours a day though it isn't always populated.

We also have moderated chats called Healing Circles. They meet on Sunday and Wednesday evenings at 9pm eastern time and one on Tuesday at 19:00 UTC (European and African time zone) which translates to 2 PM Eastern US time zone. The Healing Circle on Tuesdays is scheduled to resume in January.

Again, welcome to MS.




Anomalous
_________________________
Acceptance on someone else's terms is worse than rejection.

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#418289 - 12/05/12 05:15 PM Re: hi [Re: panda]
panda Offline


Registered: 12/05/12
Posts: 16
Loc: Michigan
I am a transsexual man. This means that I fully identify as a male and live my life as a male. However, I was born with a female body. At the time of my assault, nobody knew I was transsexual; they all thought I was a tomboy.

One individual in chat was initially very supportive. We were telling each other our stories and also getting to know each other, like you do in the beginning of a possible friendship. So, I decided to tell him about my gender identity. Initially, he was very respectful, treating me as a full man and asking appropriate questions to try to get to know me better. Then he warned me that most people on here would not accept me as a man and therefore would not accept me in a men-only support group.

All, is his assessment of this community correct?


Edited by panda (12/06/12 10:02 PM)

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#418301 - 12/05/12 07:27 PM Re: hi [Re: panda]
peroperic2009 Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3614
Loc: South-East Europe
Hey panda, it is true that sometimes some members are very sensitive for gender issues. Survivors are sometimes easily triggered meaning that could be explosive and not easy to talk to. I'm sorry if you already experienced that.
I know that some women were coming to chat and even were attending healing circles but it was needed to reveal gender in the beginning and all brothers were very supportive, I don't see any reason why would be different with you, you felt like man trapped in female body, you were very honest and very open and said all that.
Once more welcome to Male Survivor brother wink!
_________________________
My story

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#418303 - 12/05/12 07:29 PM Re: hi [Re: peroperic2009]
panda Offline


Registered: 12/05/12
Posts: 16
Loc: Michigan
So you see my gender as female?

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#418338 - 12/06/12 01:19 AM Re: hi [Re: panda]
Jude Offline


Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1570
Loc: New England
Originally Posted By: panda
....Then he warned me that most people on here would not accept me as a man and therefore would not accept me in a men-only support group. ....All, is his assessment of this community correct?


Panda, No he wasn't correct...at least he doesn't speak for me. This is a very accepting place. There might be a few who have a hard time with your gender issue, but you can just ignore them. I hope you will stay.

Jude
_________________________
Everyday is a winding road
I get a little bit closer
Everyday is a faded sign
I get a little bit closer to feeling fine.
Sheryl Crow

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#418341 - 12/06/12 01:44 AM Re: hi [Re: panda]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3460
Loc: somewhere in Africa
Panda - unless something someone says triggers a bad memory, i think most of us are good with accepting one another the way we want to be seen - the way we present ourselves. so the fact that you have been very forthright in your intro is good. those who have read it will know up-front where you are coming from. that being said - you may need to clarify or explain from time to time if confusion arises.

but welcome, anyway.
hope your experience here is a positive one.
Lee


Edited by traveler (12/06/12 02:46 AM)
Edit Reason: sp
_________________________
As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago


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#418352 - 12/06/12 07:51 AM Re: hi [Re: panda]
Farmer Boy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/23/12
Posts: 442
Loc: Australia
Panda

Welcome my brother

I am sorry you had to experience CSA like the rest of us.

BUt I'm glad you found us. I have found this place to be very open and accepting. I hope you do too. Thanks for sharing with us about your past. We all understand the need to not let our past define who we are.

Lee
_________________________
More than meets the eye!

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#418367 - 12/06/12 11:20 AM Re: hi [Re: panda]
Shyshark Offline


Registered: 10/30/12
Posts: 414
Loc: Canada
Welcome Panda ...

I'm glad you have come here,

and I hope you find the support and respect you justly deserve.

This is a good place for all,

but ... it can be more difficult for some than for others ...

and ... there are many here who will embrace you for just ...

being you.

Shyshark
_________________________
Experience is a brutal teacher.

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#418393 - 12/06/12 08:10 PM Re: hi [Re: panda]
panda Offline


Registered: 12/05/12
Posts: 16
Loc: Michigan
Thank you all. It is good to know that I am welcome here regardless of the type of man I am.

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#418402 - 12/06/12 11:58 PM Re: hi [Re: panda]
Anomalous Offline
Greeter Coordinator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 03/07/10
Posts: 1350
Hi Panda,

The type of man you are is up to you, and is not based on biology. Whether you are a gentle man, a gentleman, a tough or rugged man, a sensitive and caring man, etc. makes you one of the many kinds of men you will meet here and elsewhere.

Unfortunately, you share the one particular in your life that makes you like every other man here - you were sexually abused.

It is the qualifier for membership to a group which no one would choose to belong.






Anomalous
_________________________
Acceptance on someone else's terms is worse than rejection.

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#418440 - 12/07/12 01:06 PM Re: hi [Re: panda]
Shyshark Offline


Registered: 10/30/12
Posts: 414
Loc: Canada
Panda ...

I was going to let your earlier statement about me stand without comment ... but in light of further developments ... I cannot.

What you said is true ... we did speak at length and shared some intimate details of our lives as they pertained to your particular set of circumstances.

You asked me a direct question about how I thought you would be received here ...
and I BEGAN to answer.

What you fail to include is that, as I was typing the second sentence of my answer you abruptly, and rudely, left before I could finish even that next line.
You did not do me the courtesy of allowing me to finish my thoughts on the matter,
and chose instead to be offended by a sentence that was not intended to stand alone,
and was taken completely out of context.

I will not dignify your statement by completing what I was going to say ...
but as you seem intent on bringing what was intended to be a private conversation
into the public forum I will say this.

What you imply by your statement is in no way, shape, or form how I feel about you, or about your presence here,
or how I believe others will accept you on your own terms.

Shyshark
_________________________
Experience is a brutal teacher.

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