(((((((JEFF)))))))
i am awed.
words are inadequate.
i am so thankful you have gotten this far.

keep healing, brother!
lee

Jeff

That took a lot of courage.

I forgive you.

You may never find those kids. You probably won't. You may have to find a living person abused as a kid and minister to his needs and tell him you're sorry. That person might be your 'standin' for you needs to feel forgiven.

Puffer

Jeff

I read this today and I am nearly speachless.

I am going to try to put into words what is going on in my head.

Thankyou for sharing this stuff with us.

I haven't posted here but I've been here the whole time. What you have shared here about how you feel about what they made you do has helped me find understanding in my heart for my abusers. I know the situation is not the same but when I was little I was abused by teenager boys who were themselves being abused. Now no one 'made' them do it like in your case. But had they not been abused themselves I do not feel that they would have done the stuff to me that they did. I forgave them a long time ago.

That doesn't change the fact that I'm messed up because of what they did. It just means that I do not hold them responsible for their actions.

I have never felt that I could blame them for what they did to me because it wasn't their fault. The blame lies with the older men that started the abuse. The grown ups. You were not a grown up then - you were little Jeff. I'm am sure that those kids know that it was not your fault either and that they do not blame you. I'm sure that they blame the sick adults that abused all of you.

I know it is hard (we can be our own worst critic sometimes) but please don't be so hard on yourself.

IT WAS NOT YOUR FAULT!!!

(((Jeff))).

Glad you found little Jeff, as HE is YOU. That boy/man had great courage in writing that letter.

Compassion, understanding, hope & love in trying to heal your wounds. And those of others.

Go easy on yourself, my brother. Be kind & gentle on yourself.
Believe in yourself.

"I will take that lost boys hand and I will lead him from the depths of darkness, into the sunshine, forever into eternity." As he is me.

Pete..Irishmoose.

Jeff,

The true criminals in this case never felt any remorse and at this point never will. But you have enough to cover the whole horde of them - I guess it had to be balanced out somehow.

No one holds you responsible because you weren't. You were nothing but the "alpha victim," and if you didn't do it, your replacement would have. The "omega victims" were beyond rescue. For some there is no justice in this world.


In myths from antiquity, opening Pandora's Box unleashed every evil and disease and cruelty into the world to plague humankind forever. But at the bottom of the box was Hope, and it was all that the unfortunate people had to cling to in trying to withstand all the rest of it.

Somewhere, Jeff, somewhere you found hope. It might not even have felt that way, but just living and building a life and family for yourself would have been impossible without it. I am so glad you found it. And, even more than before, I am so glad you are alive.

When your life was your own, you did only good things and none of what the criminals demanded would ever have entered your mind. The strongest proof of this is the life that you have lived once it became your own once again. THAT is the real Jeff - young or old. A good person at heart - and a good person who deserved to live, and who was right to stay alive.

Bless you.
Matt

Good work Jeff,

Give yourself some time off to let all this sink in.

It brings up a good question for future sharing:

"How do we help repair the damage we were part of in the past?"