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#418058 - 12/03/12 03:46 PM Suicide
rmazik Offline

Registered: 04/12/12
Posts: 9
I had posted a couple of times earlier in the year. So much has happened since then. I became homeless, then in October, my daughter who had been in remission from Leukemia for almost four years relapsed. On Saturday, November 24th, my husband (survivor) succeeded in committing suicide. I am so lost. I have been living at The Ronald McDonald House in Albany, NY, while my daughter goes through treatment. The staff and volunteers here are wonderful, but I need people who truly understand what life with a survivor is like, and how I am feeling. I have tried to find a generic suicide survivors support group in the area, but without transportation, there doesn't seem to be anywhere to turn. Any advice or anyone who lives in the area who might have some suggestions would be welcome.

#418065 - 12/03/12 05:04 PM Re: Suicide [Re: rmazik]
northernflicker Offline

Registered: 08/19/12
Posts: 88
I have no advice and I don't live in your area but I do want to say I'm so sorry your life has taken this turn. I hope you find all the support you need. I wish I had more to offer.

#418076 - 12/03/12 07:22 PM Re: Suicide [Re: rmazik]
RunningOnEmpty Offline

Registered: 10/07/12
Posts: 91
Loc: georgia
Oh I am just so sorry that you are going through all of this. I don't know the resources in the area. Sometimes churches will have bereavement groups. Do you have any insurance for grief counseling?
I will keep your daughter in my thoughts and prayers

#418081 - 12/03/12 08:38 PM Re: Suicide [Re: rmazik]

Registered: 08/31/11
Posts: 2426
My heart goes out to you. You have endured so much pain in the recent past. Words can express or bring you the comfort you need. Talk and find people who will listen and give you a smile, a shoulder to cry on or just a smile. Find services in your community that can help you. Find a support group in the area, there is help out there. But take care of yourself, you have endured and survived, you have an inner strength that you may not realize, harness it and be there for your daughter. She needs you now.

Thoughts and prayers are with you.

#418513 - 12/08/12 11:50 AM Re: Suicide [Re: rmazik]
rmazik Offline

Registered: 04/12/12
Posts: 9
Thanks for those who have responded. It's been two weeks now, and I have yet to find anyone to talk to. I hardly ever cry. The pain is so deep, I don't think I can bear it alone, and I have no one here. I need someone who understands. I know I can go to a "regular" therapist, and probably will, but I've been in therapy before and it's a long process. What I need right this moment is someone who understands my pain. Anyone???

#418517 - 12/08/12 01:05 PM Re: Suicide [Re: rmazik]
northernflicker Offline

Registered: 08/19/12
Posts: 88
I'm sorry that you've been unable to find someone to talk to. Crying is hard, but it cleanses the soul. I hope you can get there. And yes, therapy of any sort is a long process...and difficult.

Everybody here understands all or some of your pain. My experience has been that I get the most feedback when I post specific things and questions.

I lost a good friend to suicide about two decades ago, but I don't think I can imagine fully the pain you must be feeling today. Know that you're not responsible for his choice to do this. I don't of course know what he was feeling, but I would guess that he knew no other way for the pain he was in to go away. He felt helpless. It's heartbreaking.

Please reach out. We are here and we understand and we care.
You're not alone.

#418527 - 12/08/12 03:54 PM Re: Suicide [Re: rmazik]
Candu Offline

Registered: 06/30/12
Posts: 312
Loc: Canada
I have not experienced what you are dealing with (nothing quite that direct) but as northernflicker stated we do have some understanding. Some more and some a little less. I did want to write something after your first post but other than heart felt sympathy I had nothing concrete that I could suggest.

Writing your thoughts is a good idea. Write them all. You may be selective on what you post (if any) but I think that it will help writing what you feel and think.

#418540 - 12/08/12 10:47 PM Re: Suicide [Re: rmazik]
men_of_hrts.dbw Offline

Registered: 02/20/09
Posts: 302
Loc: Orchidland Big Island Hawaii
Sad to read this and how hard your journey has been with the future so uncertain. I cried just reading about your daughter and know that is difficult. My brother was a research patient four years with Stanford Medical Center in the mid-1960's with leukemia.
Seems this type always strikes such angelical children.
As for suicide, yup many of the members here understand. I have dealt with it to the point of visualizaion and beyond. Lockdowns, hospitals and police..and I am a tough, inteligent and successful man.
The emotional and mental energy of a survivor with unresolved trauma affects those living with them. I realized this long ago and remained a bachlor for the past three decades.
If you google up; Secondary Survivor of sexual abuse or there is maybe a book in this sites library?
This site has Friends & Family and lots of active members who understand the dynamics of relationships...or are working thru issues.
Have you applied for widows survivor benifits from Social Security? Plus your daughter? Social Services should be able to help you expidite benifits.
Also if you have a primary care physician they can help with documenting your physical/mental health on forms the Social Security office sends out.
The womens rape crisis centers have LCSW professionals who also can help with secondary survivor trauma and receive paperwork from Social Security and attest to your condition.
With everything you bring to the table it would seem to me impossible for you to work. And at the proper time Social Security has back to work programs.
I will keep you and your daughter in my current thoughts and send peace and harmony your way.
Chin up...and seek inspiration if you can. Here is a bit I wrote this year.

I remember the way I met Hope.
I already knew his twin False Hope from minor let downs,
yet Hope remained elusive until Fate introduced us.
Hope enabled me when I wanted to quit.
When dignity and all modesty had been abandoned,
I needed Hope and he was very generous.
He helped me create the Light when I entered the Darkness seeking Truth.
It was not long ago we met,
but since then Fate has allowed me to share Hope with many people.
If you follow him you will meet True Happiness and all her friends...
Harmony, Love, Beauty and Understanding are just a few.
...and you the end know everything is All Right and Fullfiling.

Doug>ASA Survivor (1x)
ECV 6001/MaTuCa Chapter 1849
E Clampus Vitus
"What Say the Brethren"
"Hang the Bastards"

#418571 - 12/09/12 09:03 AM Re: Suicide [Re: rmazik]
Mountainous Buck Offline

Registered: 12/15/09
Posts: 1626
Loc: Minnesota

I am sorry for the pain and loss you have been through- I missed this post when you first put it here but want to encourage you to keep seeking support and asking around.

I know al-Anon meetings are full of people who have suffered from family members life decisions and people from all backgrounds are sympathetic, caring, and are finding healing in their lives.

Try to reach out and find a local meeting or two- there are meeting every day in most major us cities. Keep reaching out so you find the support and help you need
We have to take responsibility for what we're not responsible for.

It doesn't matter where you've come from,
It matters where you go" Frank Turner


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