Thanks for your input/experience, John and others:

I wonder, if you could design a group for Male Survivors, what would it look like?

I don't clearly remember the details since it was six months ago, and I don't think I clearly expressed it above. And I didn't go into some details as I don't want to sidetrack the thread.

Like I said one of their primary programs is dealing with CSA. It is a free program but limited to one year. So my understanding was that they would like to get you into a group first to explore what issues you have. So that in the individual sessions there is less time spent on determining the approach to take considering the time is limited. In my case in the initial consultation it was decided that that was not the best approach for me and that I should be in a one on one session with a therapist. Unfortunately that hasn't happened yet.

I think CSA / childhood trauma survivors are scared of everyone and everything. At least, that has been the case for me.

Much of it unconscious. Best way I know how to describe it is a sense of dread and anxiety every time I know someone's attention is directed at me. I know an interaction is imminent, and my anxiety level climbs. Even a simple "Hi" would case me to have that sensation. It's never a thought I have, but a physiological reaction.

In my life path, I have discovered Alanon to be a safe and affirming place to be within a group. There are many survivors there dedicated to their recovery. I guess I am blessed to be in SF where there are many gay men in these groups. So I have been going there for 3.5 years now. I still struggle to build relationships with individuals in the group, but in the Group, I feel a sense of safety and assurance.

Any other group, I felt that same discomfort, and even after trying for years to assimilate into other groups, I still couldn't.

I also discovered that I'm a great teacher. A 'maestro' as one other accomplished instructor called me. I didn't believe her.

This has always puzzled me. That I can be fearful and anxious most of the time around most people, but NOT the case when I'm teaching.

I think I finally made sense of it last week - those situations when I'm teaching - I'm in CONTROL. It's a control thing. When I feel like I'm in control, I can manage that anxiety/tension/fear response. That is true of any dynamic in any relationship I have with others. As long as I feel like I have control...

I'm also very curious how a Male Survivor type support group would be formulated. I know ASCA has the 21 steps, and there's always the 12 steps, but I don't think the 12 steps apply to male survivors. We are a different lot.

D