oh MY. What HAVE I done?

Trauma is something that impacts us all so differently. How we react from inception of the traumatic event will impact us through life unless we receive help and support. I have been learning about trauma and interestingly I was speaking with a cousin yesterday and we were talking along with her mother. She is a recovering alcoholic--she battled for several years and finally found the right therapist who began to treat the root cause--her trauma. She began to realize the why she drank and actions she may have done were not from the "drinking gene" because many have it and do not drink. The real issue what drove her to drink--why was she using it as a coping skill--her trauma. Her mother looked at us as we were talking--old school and judgmental as to why people drink. We talked about splitting, dissociation, compulsion and addictions as coping skills. In the end I think her mother was getting a better understanding of what we were talking about with trauma--a "really instead of a judgmental response--will it hold?. We did not even have to identify our individual traumas to each other because we had a better understanding of trauma from having lived it. So Jeff, trauma effects us all different. And it is important you surround yourself with people-support groups and therapists who understand between 70-80% of suicides, depression and other mental conditions have a root in childhood trauma-sex abuse, bullying, natural disasters, abandonment, etc. In the past the trauma was not treated but rather the "illness". You will have good days and bad days--your symptoms may be more pronounced at times, your child and parts will react differently to the trauma, but not like me, try to remain in the here and now--easier said than done. But you are healing now, you may not realize it--but being here, talking about yourself and the abuse allow you to acknowledge what has happened. Keep going, and do not let the bad days keep you from moving forward.

When I find I'm upset at bedtime, I take a herbal valerian. It is supposedly what valium is derived from. I got it at the health food store.

Puffer

Jeff - I read and re-read your incredibly moving post. This is what really stuck out for me:


How can you expect to know little Jeff when the memories of your childhood were so completely amputated from you? I've known you here for a year now and the beauty of who you are doesn't just materialize from adulthood. Little Jeff is there every day. I know that doesn't help you know him better, but maybe it helps to know that your heart has touched mine - the little Eric in me loves little Jeff. I've been getting to know him and I hope someday you will find him. If the adult Jeff is any indication, he was a great kid. And as a now adult to another adult, I say that with full respect.

Guys like made manifest in Eyes Wide Shut.

I'm little Puffer