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#417932 - 12/02/12 12:51 PM I was seen as a pedophile
Dolphinboy Offline


Registered: 10/30/11
Posts: 39
My otherwise pleasant weekend took a rather nasty turn today. I took my mom and her friend to the botanical gardens to attend a flower show and listen to a talk on how to grow and take care of fuchsias. While they were at this event, I wondered through the beautiful gardens, camera in hand. Photography is a hobby of mine and I am always in search of "the perfect photo". At a pond surround by lawns and with trees and mountains as backdrop, I stopped to take some pictures. Everywhere people were enjoying the sunshine and being so close to nature. Tourists were taking photos of the each other surrounded by the beautiful scenery. I looked at the scene in front of me and lifted my camera to take my photo. I knew it was a good photo and did not need to take a another one. I walked on, happy and relaxed. Then I heard someone call. I turned around because I thought I might have left something by the pond when I took the photo and looked for the caller. A man was waving his finger at me. "Do not take photos of my children" he said. I was stunned but immediately knew what he was on about. I turned around and walked on (did I act wrong here, what was I supposed to do?), feeling upset and suddenly guilty. A woman was calling behind me, demanding that I hand my camera over to her. I stopped and asked her not to harass me. She insisted on seeing my camera, saying that she saw me aiming at her children and I handed it over to her. Behind her were her 2 young sons and the father. I noticed that the one son was naked under his t-shirt, a fact that I only then became aware of. I hate writing this because it sounds like I am trying to defend myself. I tried to help the woman in finding the photos but she pulled away from me saying that she knows how to operate a camera. I heard her clicking through my photos, scrutinizing each picture. She did not find the naked pictures (or any pictures) of her children and handed my camera back to me. I asked her for an apology and she started telling me that I must understand that there are many sick people around. Well, that made me feel much better. I said "apology accepted” and walked away from them. My insides were shaking, my day was spoiled, I wanted to cry, to run away and hide. I was seen as a creep, taking photos of naked little boys, a pedophile. Were the parents within their rights to act this way? Did I really act like the creep they made me out to be? Many people were taking photos at the exact same spot, was I singled out because I was a man walking around on my own with a camera around my neck?
I know that I must see this as a learning experience and be more careful in future. But a scab was ripped off, leaving raw and exposed flesh. I wish I could sit down and talk to the parents, tell them that I am a survivor of csa. I also know that this would make things even worse, giving them even more reason to suspect me.
Tonight I am sad and alone. I can only tell my story here, hoping that other survivors will believe me and understand how I felt at that moment when I was seen as a sexual abuser.


Edited by Dolphinboy (12/02/12 12:54 PM)
_________________________
When there are dolphins in the waves,
the sharks wont get to us.
I believed my dad that day
and became Dolphinboy,
my own protector.

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#417933 - 12/02/12 01:25 PM Re: I was seen as a pedophile [Re: Dolphinboy]
Mountainous Buck Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/15/09
Posts: 1626
Loc: Minnesota
Don't accept their fear, hate or anger.

It was not about you. You were doing nothing wrong.

Go to that place Inside that knows you were doing nothing wrong. Listen to that.
_________________________
We have to take responsibility for what we're not responsible for.

“It doesn't matter where you've come from,
It matters where you go" Frank Turner

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#417934 - 12/02/12 01:44 PM Re: I was seen as a pedophile [Re: Dolphinboy]
Shyshark Offline


Registered: 10/30/12
Posts: 413
Loc: Canada
Dolphin ....
You didn't do anything wrong !!!
It was an open place ... full of people ... and some of them were children. You weren't taking pictures of the children with anything but the most innocent of intentions. The fact that one of the children was perhaps a little under clothed is completely irrelevant.
This was not the beach with scantily clad families enjoying a sunny day or a little water park with kids in their underwear running through sprays of water.
The parents, I think, were a little overprotective, but although what they did made you feel bad take some comfort from the fact that those people were doing what they should be doing ... protecting their little ones ... and those of others.
Each of you resolved the situation respectfully ... and it does seem obvious that the woman was not just looking for the pictures of her own children ... but to see if all the other ones were of children too ... and therefore doing what all people should do ... getting involved when something doesn't feel right.
You both did an admirable thing. She was undoubtedly relieved to find that her suspicions were unfounded and left feeling she was good mother and person, and that you were just somebody who's hobby was snapping pictures of the world around him.
You went through it without letting your own 'triggers' lead you into overreacting, and left with well earned dignity.
We all live with the fear that what was done to us might lead us to do the same to another.
Our sensitivities have been warped by those with absolutely none at all ... don't let theirs ruin
yours.
Everything that happened unfolded exactly as it should have.
Be proud of how you got through it.
smile
_________________________
Experience is a brutal teacher.

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#417939 - 12/02/12 02:30 PM Re: I was seen as a pedophile [Re: Dolphinboy]
Dolphinboy Offline


Registered: 10/30/11
Posts: 39
Thank you guys, your response is a great help to me. I have never been in a situation like this, where I was suspected to be a pedophile and it was a shock to me. If you know my story (brother is a convicted pedophile), you will understand how close to home this is for me.
_________________________
When there are dolphins in the waves,
the sharks wont get to us.
I believed my dad that day
and became Dolphinboy,
my own protector.

Top
#417940 - 12/02/12 02:38 PM Re: I was seen as a pedophile [Re: Dolphinboy]
Candu Offline


Registered: 06/30/12
Posts: 312
Loc: Canada
Quote:
Were the parents within their rights to act this way?

FUCK NO!

And I can't say that strong enough. You were in a public place doing what anyone else could and would be doing. If they were so concerned then they should have not been there.

Quote:
I noticed that the one son was naked under his t-shirt

And why the hell was that? If something happened that needed the removal of the childs cloths then they should have found a bathroom or asked a private location.

Their action would have disturbed anyone.

Quote:
I asked her for an apology and she started telling me that I must understand that there are many sick people around.

Yes and she is one of them.

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#417941 - 12/02/12 02:58 PM Re: I was seen as a pedophile [Re: Dolphinboy]
Dolphinboy Offline


Registered: 10/30/11
Posts: 39
Thanks for the response Candu, at least I had a good chuckle at your last remark grin
_________________________
When there are dolphins in the waves,
the sharks wont get to us.
I believed my dad that day
and became Dolphinboy,
my own protector.

Top
#417954 - 12/02/12 05:20 PM Re: I was seen as a pedophile [Re: Dolphinboy]
newground Offline
Chatroom Moderator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 10/11/11
Posts: 761
Loc: michigan
hey my friend
I have to agree with the others who have said what was the boy doing out naked in public? I hate to think of the possible reasons. the parents were the ones WAY out of line here and I think I might have called a guard or even the police to question them. you had every right to be in that place and nothing whatever to be ashamed of I am sorry they made you feel that way
_________________________
Towards thee I roll, thou all-destroying but unconquering whale; to the last I grapple with thee; from hell's heart I stab at thee; for hate's sake I spit my last breath at thee. let me then tow to pieces, while still chasing thee, thou damned whale! Thus, I give up the spear!"
Herman Melville

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#417966 - 12/02/12 06:51 PM Re: I was seen as a pedophile [Re: Dolphinboy]
Shyshark Offline


Registered: 10/30/12
Posts: 413
Loc: Canada
I'd like to tell you about a little something that happened to me some years ago.
I was alone and sauntering along in a large shopping mall ...
It wasn't that busy but there were lots of people walking around.
Suddenly a little hand slipped into mine ... and I realized that I was walking in step with a mother and her little boy ... not sure how old he was because I didn't dare look down at him ... I just kept walking with his little hand in mine.
I was petrified!
How would this be interpreted if the Mom saw it ...
What would happen if he looked up and saw I wasn't who he thought he was holding hands with ... and started to freak out ...
Had his Dad just stepped away for a split second, and would turn back to see a strange man holding his son's hand ...
Should I try to quietly get his Mom's attention and to, as discretely as possible, let her know what was happening without alarming the boy .....
That all flashed through my mind in milliseconds.
It all hinged on ... was this just an innocent thing that she would instantly understand and chuckle with me over it ....
or would she notice and start screaming 'pervert!' at me ...
Luckily the woman turned to go into a store and the boy let go ... never to know how close he came to giving a nice stranger a heart attack.
I don't know why I felt I should tell this story ... perhaps to illustrate just how easily simple things can get way out of hand ....

and for the record ... I am certain that you said ... "the boy was naked under his t-shirt"
what was he supposed to be wearing under a t-shirt ?

I stand by my statement that the parents had every right to be concerned ...
what if it had been a man who's camera was loaded with pictures of little boys?

Maybe if my parents had been paying closer attention ... or for that matter any attention at all ...

Maybe I wouldn't have to be here ...
_________________________
Experience is a brutal teacher.

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#417968 - 12/02/12 07:24 PM Re: I was seen as a pedophile [Re: Shyshark]
Candu Offline


Registered: 06/30/12
Posts: 312
Loc: Canada
Originally Posted By: Shyshark
and for the record ... I am certain that you said ... "the boy was naked under his t-shirt"
what was he supposed to be wearing under a t-shirt ?

Under as in below. Like, no shorts or pants or bathingsuit or underware.

Originally Posted By: Shyshark
I stand by my statement that the parents had every right to be concerned ...
what if it had been a man who's camera was loaded with pictures of little boys?

They certainly can be concerned. But they also have to be responsible.

Quote:
I asked her for an apology
And didn't get one. I would think that would be the least they could do.

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#417969 - 12/02/12 08:21 PM Re: I was seen as a pedophile [Re: Dolphinboy]
Shyshark Offline


Registered: 10/30/12
Posts: 413
Loc: Canada
Hi Candu ... I don't want to fight about this ... but

I got thrown by the 'botanical gardens' thing ...
my mistake ... to me it implies a defined space where people walk along paths to see the specialty plants ... and I certainly got the reference to the wide open spaces ... but got stuck on the 'gardens'

It absolutely never crossed my mind that the boy was completely naked from the waist down ... that's why I was so puzzled ...
like ... "what was the kid supposed to be wearing under a t-shirt .. a parka?"

and as for the apology ... Dolphin clearly said ... "apology accepted"
she must have said something to make D feel better ...

LOL
sorry ... I don't know how to do whatever you do to get specific passages into those little boxes ....

anyway ... I'm kinda glad we had this exchange ... for me ... it goes to show how easily one can make mistakes even when something is laid out as plain as day right before your eyes ...
_________________________
Experience is a brutal teacher.

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