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#460447 - 02/10/14 01:44 PM Re: I was seen as a pedophile [Re: Dolphinboy]
PhoenixRising Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/13/07
Posts: 33
Loc: Richmond, Indiana
Dolphinboy

I believe you. You did nothing wrong. You were taking pictures at a place, where people take pictures.

I can totally identify with your reaction. So many times when something has happened, when something has gone wrong and I am involved, I revert to that little kid, who felt so guilty and responsible..who perhaps by feeling he was responsible, he also felt some control of a world that felt overwhelming. I start to get anxious and all those feelings of guilt and shame emerge..and make it difficult for me to stand still and respond. I "catastrophize".

I wish in those moments, and in yours, we could stop the action, perhaps call a friend for a different perspective and then step back in and at least know we have support..we can't do much about that family but we also don't have to take on their anxiety.

Yes, there are sick people, but that does not give anyone the right to be mean or hurtful. Her sickness may be fear.

I am so glad you did something beyond isolating (which is often my reaction). By coming on here and telling people, you took a step in change, you trusted us with your feelings and fears, and in turn I hope you got not only affirmation for you on that day and in that moment, but for you as person.

Btw, I love your signature about how you got your name.

Thanks

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#460453 - 02/10/14 05:15 PM Re: I was seen as a pedophile [Re: Dolphinboy]
lapchinj Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/07/11
Posts: 1179
Loc: New York
Hey Jas

There are many people like you describe but I can't talk for them. My daughter in law often baths my grand kids the oldest boy is now 8 and the 2nd boy is 6. They have no problem running around upstairs naked before or after they bathe. One time the oldest came out of the bath and surprised me by jumping on me. I didn't know what to do, I had this naked kid on me and I made a joke out of it by screaming to my wife that I'm being attacked by a wet naked kid. I tried my best to make a joke out of it but my wife knew what was happening. For reasons I don't want to say here in public I had a real panic attack but my grandson thought it was all a joke so I'm happy I didn't scare him.

I have this weird thinking that an adult should not be alone with a child or teen. You can tell me, as my T, EMDR T and shrink told me that it's alright I'm the grandfather. But I'm afraid of being thought of as a pedo. I really believe that if someone would accuse me of being a pedo I would.......

It's a stupid reason but one that I believe could kill me if you knew my past. It's a problem and I know I'm wrong but I can't change my feelings or thinking. In this particular case that went on for a year I wasn't groomed at all but forced and tortured into things I didn't want to do. Now I'm paying for those things that I did at the age of 14. Also to add to your opening statement I would agree with you can say all you want that it was not my fault but it is what it is. In short I'm a killer of souls.

Peace, Rainbows, Love, Healing & Hope
Jeff
_________________________
Stick around, It will get better....

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