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#456896 - 12/16/13 05:44 PM Re: I was seen as a pedophile [Re: Dolphinboy]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 3322
Loc: O Kanada
the same thing happened to me at the swimming pool many years ago. my wife and I were videotaping our kids taking swimming lessons, and I was rudely challenged and forced to hand over my camera, while some heavy went through the footage. all of it was my wife and kids.

I was horrified, hurt, and humiliated, and these people did not even acknowledge the abnormality of their behaviour.
I was videotaping right out in the open, not hiding, but sitting with a crowd at the side of the pool.
it was surreal.
I only complied because I did not want to arouse any more suspicion or attract any more attention or provoke any more confrontation than what was already present.

one man was already in my face accusing and demanding in a clearly audible voice and serious tone.
as soon as the guy was satisfied I hadn't been taping his kids, which he had publicly accused me of doing, he simply handed the camera back and walked away with not so much as a muttered apology.
the crowd I was sitting in avoided eye contact with me after the incident. I felt uncomfortable, and so did they, so I got up and moved to another location.


I feel your pain dolphinboy.
and I wonder, where were all these protectors when I was a child, being handled by perpetrators?

I wish they were there when I was in real danger.

I remember another time I was grabbed by the shirt, pushed against a wall, and threatened to have my glasses ground into my eyes by some thug in a muscle shirt at a crowded train station because he claims I was looking at his 12 year old daughter.
I refused to respond and called security after he let go.

there were several eyewitnesses who confirmed what had happened at the scene.
but they all refused to testify and the police would not process assault charges.

again, mixed feelings.
pissed off about being manhandled and falsely accused.
but secretly pleased that this guy, although he was wrong, had the balls to defend his daughter, and wishing I had had my own guardian devil as a vulnerable child.
_________________________
Victor|Victim

War
Love
Poetry

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#456902 - 12/16/13 06:43 PM Re: I was seen as a pedophile [Re: victor-victim]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 3322
Loc: O Kanada
reading this thread has caused another memory to surface.

I was with some friends at an outdoor country music festival.
there were portapotties, but they were (as usual) disgusting and full,
so the guys were using the bushes to take a leak.
we were all drinking, and I had to go.
while I was out there, I heard some kids giggling and started chanting "I see your weenie, I see your weenie".
i could not see anyone, but i quickly zipped up and went back to our picnic blanket field.
about ten minutes later, one of my buddies approached and said there was a lynch mob looking for a pedophile who had exposed himself to some kids.
i immediately assumed it was me they were looking for and went into a anxiety attack. i could hardly breathe, thinking about being beaten to death by a merciless posse of drunken cowboys. i started to come up with excuses to leave, but everyone was having too much fun, and i didn't want to press the issue without causing questions. i was still sure that i was going to die in a hail of boot heels, so i decided to quickly and quietly slip away.
i remember saying something about getting some more booze, and i walked straight for the exit.
as i got near the gate, i spotted a circle of shirtless men, surrounding a weeping cowering guy on his knees,
blood all over his face and hands as he dodged kicks from all angles.
someone in the crowd saw me looking in horror and curiousity, and explained that the guy was a pervert and was molesting little girls in the bushes.
thankfully, the police showed up to rescue the man from the frontier justice.

after they interviewed the little girl,
it was discovered that she had been with a group of boys and girls that had been running around teasing and bugging guys in the bushes.
this particular guy had responded by yelling at them, and chasing them away.
the little girl was scared and cried and ran to her parents.
in their drunken state of mind, the story had spun out of control, and when you add the macho vigilantes, you have the classic case of riot rules and mob mentality.

no charges were laid.
it didn't even make the local papers.

all i can say is, thank god it wasn't me at the other end of that reactionary hatred.
just thinking that i was going to be attacked was torture enough.
when i remember that guy on his knees crying and begging, while people in the crowd cheered every time he was kicked in the head... it makes me sick. my stomach still turns when i see that image in my mind.
i still can see the little girl being ignored as she stood there crying and witnessing the bloody beating.

in this case, i don't envy the child,
because i believe the hysterical adult reactions probably damaged her.

true story.
_________________________
Victor|Victim

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Poetry

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#456905 - 12/16/13 09:38 PM Re: I was seen as a pedophile [Re: victor-victim]
Sterling Offline


Registered: 10/25/08
Posts: 270
Loc: Winnipeg, Manitoba,Canada
wow! food for thought.

G

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#456926 - 12/17/13 01:08 AM Re: I was seen as a pedophile [Re: Dolphinboy]
Jacob S Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/01/13
Posts: 594
V-V,

Powerful story. That is exactly why I shudder when people talk about hoping criminals get raped or murdered in prison. Even if that particular individual is guilty of awful deeds, the mindset that certain people deserve whatever they get leads to innocent people being harmed.

"Many that live deserve death. And some that die deserve life. Can you give it to them? Then do not be too eager to deal out death in judgement."
J.R.R. Tolkien
_________________________
Like a spent gladiator
crawling in the colosseum dust
who can count on his remaining limbs
all the people he can trust.
Like the one who stands behind him
cheering him on
Estatic when he stands defiant,
wild with abandon when he's gone

just stay alive.
do whatever you need to.
you are worth it.

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#456927 - 12/17/13 01:32 AM Re: I was seen as a pedophile [Re: Dolphinboy]
WriterKeith Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/30/10
Posts: 945
Loc: southern California
That's pretty painful. I can relate. I had a similar situation, except it was my own mother accusing me. She often projected her emotional and psychological sickness on to us kids. It was an unkind, unfounded, un-called for, and sickly imaginative accusation, exactly like you were subjected to.

Try your best to separate yourself from that event those people initiated. I know it's hard, but try to dismiss it from your mind each time it comes up.
_________________________
"A burned bridge can be a gift; it prevents us from returning to a place we should have never been."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5JfvAPZGjds

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#456947 - 12/17/13 09:28 AM Re: I was seen as a pedophile [Re: Dolphinboy]
OCN Offline


Registered: 02/05/13
Posts: 218
Loc: Western Europe
I first have to admit i've only read the first page, so if its double i apologize

Dolphin, first things first: you did nothing wrong!
I don't know if you have children but i guess not. So you werent focusing on the childre.

The parental outrage is understandable, but unacceptable. People dont seem to realize that the stigma of being a pedophile will leave you alone with all of society being against you.
So they shouldnt have freaked out like that.

But to me what this shows, is the sad story we hear all too often. Outside, in the parks, parents become overprotective and try to shield out any possible threat. Because of this hyperfocus, there's tension too.. and you got caught up in this game i'd say.

I'm not saying that nothing will happen in public places like parks and so on, but as a member here i've read too much stories where the problem was inside the house, not outside in the park/gardens.

I understand parents want to protect their children, but to me this starts with respecting that it is an unique child who deserves to be treated like that. It's not something you own..

It is a world with a lot of sickness in it.. but if we only search for the sickness (in this case pedophiles) we miss out the point that we should work on prevention and healing in the first place..

so a huge hug for you Dolphin! Take care and take it easy!

Peter
_________________________
Trust me, you are worth it to love yourself!

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#456962 - 12/17/13 07:34 PM Re: I was seen as a pedophile [Re: Dolphinboy]
CafeMan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/18/13
Posts: 150
Loc: Chicago
So sorry you experienced that. You were not at fault. As parents they need to (1) put clothes on their children when being seen in public and (2) watch their children more closely.

I am sick and tired of watching other people's children because parents are either too lazy or burned out.

Perhaps the direction of your camera made you look suspicious to them. I don't know. There was a way to handle it. But the lesson is . . . They need to watch their children. They need to change their children in private. Lastly, they need to be responsible when interacting with other people in a public place.

Don't let their behavior make you feel less of a legitimate man than you are.



Edited by CafeMan (12/17/13 09:05 PM)

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#457000 - 12/18/13 10:30 AM Re: I was seen as a pedophile [Re: Dolphinboy]
lapchinj Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/07/11
Posts: 1179
Loc: New York
Hey Dolphinboy and Victor,

I was never able to take pictures or even show a camera just for those reasons. I always wanted to take beautiful pictures like I see in people's albums of their vacation trips. I even bought an expensive camera and read photography books so I could create some of those memories. I took pictures of my kids along with their kids in my backyard but that was it. After a few times doing that I wanted to go up to the mountains and take some pictures of the trees turning color so I went to a popular mountain spot where there was a zoo and people walking or bike riding with their kids. I sat in the car and I couldn't pick up the camera, as a matter of fact I was scared shit to have the camera even in my car. After the thousands of pictures taken of me in my birthday suit I could not pick the camera up even to take a picture of the floor of my car. I started having a panic attack, I put the camera under a jacket on the floor of my car and went home and gave the camera to my son who lives in the upstairs apartment with his family in my house. I told him he could use it more than I could. The next thing I know he had taken some baby pictures of his daughter getting a bath in a bassinet and was showing them to my wife, he wanted to show me but I told him I would see them later. So far later didn't come yet.

After your two stories I probably won't ever get a chance to take any pictures let alone go near any children. It's crazy that we should be triggered by such shit. Because I was always scared of being a perv I never held any of my 6 kids, never kissed any of them, never did homework with any of them, never put any of them to bed, never carried a picture of any of them in my wallet and that cycle is now going on with my grandchildren. I would give a million dollars if I could be normal just long enough to give them each a hug and a kiss. My wife made albums of pictures as my kids growing up, I never saw any of them.

I really feel bad for you two and anyone else who has had to wade through similar shit and humiliation by some wacko parents. I would not have fared well at all in any of those situations.

Peace, Rainbows, Love, Healing & Hope
Jeff
_________________________
Stick around, It will get better....

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#457016 - 12/18/13 01:40 PM Re: I was seen as a pedophile [Re: CafeMan]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 3322
Loc: O Kanada
something you said really hit home with me.

Originally Posted By: CafeMan

I am sick and tired of watching other people's children because parents are either too lazy or burned out.


i would not doubt the same paranoid parents who freak out about at a photographer at a public park will trust a person they barely know for shopping convenience.

as i mentioned earlier, and in other posts,
i politely make it my policy never to watch other people's children, ever.
never have and never will.

you would not believe how many times people, whom i hardly know,
and hardly know me, have asked me to babysit.
just for an hour or so, while they run an errand,
and i happen to be visiting.

they don't know if i am a perpetrator,
just waiting to pounce.
then i feel bad just thinking that way,
but that is how i have protected my children.

situational awareness and risk assessment.
i never dropped them off or dumped them with anyone but their mother and her mother.

one can't be too casual with children's safety,
but one must be careful to control the efficiency of the effort and energy.

i have seen too many parents falsely focus their attention on punishing perpetrators and publicly condemning perverts, but overlook opportunities to take effective proactive and preventive measures to protect children.
such as preparing and educating them with knowledge.
teaching them to defend and guard their own soul.
always protect them and never neglect them.

it takes less than a minute,
under sixty seconds,
to sexually abuse a child.
to the child, this is eternity.

the sad part is, this happened to me as a child.
i was left unattended and unsupervised for hours,
that was risky enough, but there were times when we were left in the questionable care of some very questionable adults.
the sexual abuse was the worse, but there were all other kinds.
thankfully, only a few of the watchers were bad.
most people were decent, that is... not abusive.


_________________________
Victor|Victim

War
Love
Poetry

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#460403 - 02/09/14 05:01 PM Re: I was seen as a pedophile [Re: Mountainous Buck]
jas4159 Offline


Registered: 06/16/11
Posts: 278
You did nothing wrong. the fact is society is so overprotective now becuase of all the wierdo's out there. I wouldn't let it get you down to much. i think it was an unfortunate misunderstanding that should not have happened. As survivors we tend to assume a great deal of guilt that we were groomed to accept. It is a hard not to take this personal and i to would be sad and hurt. Moreso than some who has not been abused. To be made to feel like a pedophile must be a horrible feeling. You are not and as i said society has a long way to go in social evolution.

stay strong

justanothersurvivror.wordpress.com


Edited by jas4159 (02/16/14 05:54 PM)
_________________________
Thanks

rich

justanothersurvivror.wordpress.com

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