Hope that I'm not giving off the wrong impression here ...

I still have some issues to work through - trust, intimacy, boundaries, the whole gamut of CSA and trauma. When I met with my therapist a couple days ago, we both began to wonder together if some hormonal deficiency was complicating my efforts to recover from trauma.

Now that I've been on T, I am beginning to feel like I can trust my own instincts. I feel safe in my own body. I am sensing body language. This feels like a whole other kind of speech that I struggled to comprehend.

In the last 24 hours, I've had multiple instances where I was 'reading' without consciously 'reading' someone else. Call it intuition. Guts. Instinct. And after 'reading' other people and getting confirmation that what I read was true, I'm astonished at this new level of awareness that is coming to me. And it is all unconscious.

I suspect because the tension and anxiety in my body is dissipating that now it can do what it does on its own - read other people's body language without my having to think about it. I suspect that this is what "gut feelings" are, and "instinct" and "intuition" means. This is *really* surprising me.

So I'll be seeing my therapist twice this week to process this, and to see how to separate these issues apart from each other.

After completing 4 days of this low dose testosterone, I'm just thrilled at all the new possibilities suddenly appearing in front of my eyes.

D

Also, prolonged elevation of cortisol or adrenaline (like with PTSD, hypervigilance, etc.) can depress the thyroid and immune functions. At least that's what my doctor told me....

John

Yes, I'll be discussing this with my Dr as well. Testosterone has some inverse relationship with Cortisol.

Hopefully he ordered a thyroid test when he had my blood work done.

My Doc tested my thyroid and Testosterone (after I insisted) a few weeks ago. I haven't gone back to get the results. Does anyone know what level of Testosterone is considered low?

I need to follow this up. I am assuming mine isn't really low or they would have called me.

D - I am amazed at the transfomation this stuff has made in you.


Lee

There's an accepted "range", dependent on age.

In my years of research, I've found that someone's "low" is another person's "high" within the same age bracket. When I went to my dr about this and talked to him, I was surprised to hear him say exactly the same thing. He was very agreeable to give me the low dose testosterone, admitting that Dr's really didn't know very much about what "normal" was for any person in particular.

I was just astonished to hear such humility from a doctor, and to have him as MY doctor. I just want to hug him.

And yeah, I'm pretty astonished at the dramatic turn in my mood too. It appears all the "work" I've been doing all along has really not been for naught after all.

D

An update -

Since starting testosterone treatment almost 4 weeks ago, I'm stable. No more mood swings, no more major depression, no more unconscious anxiety/tension which drives a lot of unconscious behavior.

I'm present to what is happening in front of me and can respond accordingly.

I feel more feelings (they're surprisingly complex) and they shift all the time. I'm learning to follow my heart, and quiet my head.

I have a new mantra for daily living now:

Stay in the moment
Follow your heart
Let go of your expectations

The rest will take care of itself. That's the way life is meant to be lived.

Happy Holidays to everyone here.

D

Fantastic Dillon !!!

Have a great holiday and new year!