i'm glad you are with us - and processing all this stuff.
you have come to the right place - and are among those who understand - whatever you choose to say.
i hope you will keep at it - working through the unresolved issues. writing and reading here has really heplped me. it is a process - and we all support one another and learn from each other.
so - welcome!
We are often troubled, but not crushed;
sometimes in doubt, but never in despair;
there are many enemies, but we are never without a friend;
and though badly hurt at times, we are not destroyed.
- Paul, II Cor 4:8-9