I used to put on a game face
to meet the world.
Like Eleanor Rigby,
I kept it by the door
so I could grab it
every time I went out.
But now I find my own features
have been too long behind that mask;
They find it hard to relax and soften,
to adapt to the changes,
to adopt the appropriate responses
to events and conversations,
thoughts and feelings.
I want to change the face I wear,
the way I change my mind.
I want to change my self-image,
the way I change my clothes.
I want to change my self,
the way I change the channels on the TV.
Instead – I am stuck – undecided,
half-dressed, between channels.
but uncertain of the outcome…
11 29 12
There’s a special providence in the fall of a sparrow. If it be now, ’tis not to come. If it be not to come, it will be now. If it be not now, yet it will come—the readiness is all. - Hamlet, Act 5, sc 2