Lancer - you were indeed lucky to have had your dad. sorry about the other world you also had to contend with.
you have made a therapeutic exercise out of re-editing those photos to portray your view of reality. i applaud you for that. i can see how it could be very healing.
i think one reason it is so painful for me to see thos photos from the past is that they represent only one perspective - the abuser's. they show a very staged and artificial view of something that did not really exist as he was attempting to portray it.
MY reality, MY truth, MY experience, MY point of view was edited out of existence. HIS version was substituted and imposed. i was told what to believe, what was real, what i could or could not talk about, what i could or could not FEEL. NONE of the most pivotal and formational and decisive events that made me who and what i am were ever pictured - just the "nice" superficial sort of fluff like you would put on a photo Christmas card to reinforce the false public image. ALL LIES!!!
so, in a way, i feel the same as Gecko - there are no photos of ME during that period. even though there are hundreds of photos in which my body and face appears - they are pictures of a puppet, a pawn, a shell, a mask, a dummy - NOT anything that even remotely resembles the TRUTH! the disparity between what i see in the photos and what i know and feel was the reality is too out of sync for me to tolerate.