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#417430 - 11/27/12 06:50 PM Its Never Too Late to Have a Great Childhood
1lifenow Offline


Registered: 03/07/11
Posts: 393
Loc: west coast
Sometimes the stories and threads can get pretty heavy.
I came across this article, i thought it was a good thing to remind us all. We can't change what happened but we can IMPROVE how we nurture ourselves later in life. We owe it to ourselves and for those of us who are parents, we can do it for our kids.

http://www.ahaparenting.com/_blog/Parenting_Blog/post/It's_Never_Too_Late_to_Have_a_Happy_Childhood/

"It’s never too late to have a happy childhood.” -- Tom Robbins

The ability to bounce back into a state of well-being even when life throws us unexpected challenges is called stable internal happiness. Some of us are lucky enough to develop it early in life. But if (like most of us) you're still working on how to do that, consider remedial parenting.

Remedial just means "improving skills," and most of us need to improve our internal self-management skills, which is the way we "parent" ourselves. That's right, you're not only parenting your child every day -- You're parenting yourself. You carry a parent around in your head, coaching you through your day.

Unfortunately, sometimes that inner parent is more like an inner critic. If you want to show up as an inspired parent for your child, you have to transform that parent in your head, too.

And most of us need some remedial practice to learn the skills that help us maintain our equilibrium in the face of life's ups and downs. How?

1. Talk to yourself like someone you adore. Instead of berating, nurture. "You are more than enough, just the way you are...You can do it!...You Go Bro!"

2. Notice when negative thoughts hijack your mind and protect yourself by setting the story straight: "Don't worry, everything's gonna be alright....You don't have to be perfect.... Two steps forward, one step back still takes you in the right direction."

3. When negative feelings come up, hold your hand through them, like a nurturing parent. Simply breathing and accepting sadness or hurt is the best way to let those feelings go. If we can't do that, we fend them off by acting out in anger. Resist the urge to take action when you're upset. Instead, love yourself through your upset: "Breathe. It's just sadness. Go ahead and cry. Everything will look different tomorrow."

You deserve a parent who nurtures you through life. And when you show up this way for yourself, you're more able to show up this way for your child. The result? He'll carry your loving voice in his head for the rest of his life.

It's never too late to have a happy childhood.


Edited by 1lifenow (11/28/12 02:06 AM)
_________________________
The need for love lies at the very foundation of human existence. Dalai Lama

WoR Barrie 2011

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#417435 - 11/27/12 07:43 PM Re: Its Never Too Late to Have a Great Childhood [Re: 1lifenow]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3321
Loc: somewhere in Africa
this is good.
thanks.
Lee
_________________________
We are often troubled, but not crushed;
sometimes in doubt, but never in despair;
there are many enemies, but we are never without a friend;
and though badly hurt at times, we are not destroyed.
- Paul, II Cor 4:8-9

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#417492 - 11/28/12 07:20 AM Re: Its Never Too Late to Have a Great Childhood [Re: 1lifenow]
crazy gecko Offline


Registered: 10/04/12
Posts: 309
Oh wow.

There is such a huge difference between how I treat my daughter and how I treat myself... I've never thought of "parenting" myself. I can sure use some of the compassion and understanding I give my daughter..

Wow. Just... Wow. I don't know what else to say...
_________________________
I guess what I'm trying to say
Is whose life is it anyway because livin'
Living is the best revenge
You can play
-- Def Leppard

My Story, Part 2

My blog

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#417516 - 11/28/12 10:39 AM Re: Its Never Too Late to Have a Great Childhood [Re: 1lifenow]
WriterKeith Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/30/10
Posts: 935
Loc: southern California
1lifenow,

Your post reflects your screen name perfectly. I too have been making a conscious effort to love [myself] as I would love [others]. Instead of putting myself low, least, and last, I'm learning to live and like myself in each moment. The problem with putting my 'self' off until tomorrow, is that tomorrow may never come.

Thanks for this thread, I appreciate it. It's an important reminder.We may never pass this way again.
_________________________
"A burned bridge can be a gift; it prevents us from returning to a place we should have never been."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5JfvAPZGjds

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#417523 - 11/28/12 11:09 AM Re: Its Never Too Late to Have a Great Childhood [Re: 1lifenow]
Publius Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/13/12
Posts: 396
Loc: OH
I must say this is a pretty terrific article. I can be pretty hard on myself at times and in ways I would never be on other people, especially children. This was a good reminder that I deserve affection, kindness, and love too. Moreover, I am empowered to provide some of it myself. Thank you for sharing : )
_________________________
"Life is like this dark tunnel. You may not always see the light at the end of the tunnel, but if you keep moving, you will come to a better place." ~ General Iroh

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#467993 - 07/26/14 12:32 AM Re: Its Never Too Late to Have a Great Childhood [Re: 1lifenow]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 3090
Loc: O Kanada
i do agree.

it is never too late to have a happy childhood.

in fact, i had the privilege and honour of experiencing the three happy childhoods of my own kids growing up.

i have been compensated for my own catastrophic upbringing by 300%.

considering i have come to terms with my own nightmare and i now feel comfortable about my own personal history, i think i got a pretty good deal in the end.

i love this saying and i used to quote it often.
although, these days, as a parent, i no longer mention it.

"You're only young once, but you can be immature forever." - Germaine Greer
_________________________
Victor|Victim

War
Love
Poetry

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#468057 - 07/27/14 01:18 PM Re: Its Never Too Late to Have a Great Childhood [Re: 1lifenow]
randombreeze Offline


Registered: 02/03/14
Posts: 31
Loc: WNY
Thought provoking concept(parenting oneself) and so relevant to my own journey moving forward.

Many years of self loathing, while at the same time being the best parent I knew how to for my now three grown, and successful children, left me still depressed and feeling like a hollow man.

Thanks to resources like therapy, MaleSurvivor, and recently attending my first Weekend of Recovery, I see happiness and bright light as I work through the blackness.

At the ripe young age of 56 I'm finally working on self nurturing and re-connecting with my lost little boy.

Echoing what crazy gecko said, Wow. Just wow....thanks for the insightful post and link.
_________________________
“What lies behind us and what lies before us are small matters compared to what lies within us.”- Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Beneath the dust and love and sweat that hangs on everybody
there's a dead man trying to get out."- Adam Duritz

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