My recovery is reaching a point of diminishing returns. What does that mean? I am not sure except to say that whatever needed to be done, I tackled, what needed to be visited, I wore out my welcome and what needed to change, changed.
Remembering the past abuse... check.
Group support in MS... check.
Finding the inner abused child... check.
Loving and nurturing him... check.
Retreat #2... check.
Finding physical, sexual, religious, verbal and emotional abuse... check.
Helping the inner abuse child recover through that!... check.
Volunteering in MS... check.
Confronting the abusers and accomplices of all that... check.
Looking with hope and anticipation of the future... check and check. (Wow it feels good writing that out)
The love, compassion and empathy I have sucked in from the brave men and women here has been incredibly empowering! I feel so good about my recovery path, but, what is next?
I find that I am being drawn towards my previous pursuits, religion, spirituality, satisfying work that pays off financially and emotionally. Truth be told, I feel like moving on from recovery. Moving away as in it no longer consumes me, that I am not centered on self. I am not paranoid(as much), I understand and listen to my body. I want to create investments with non abused, not entirely safe people, those who do not listen, nor understand sexual abuse, who are callous and shallow, who are controlled by their own triggers and acting out. Yep, I have tasted this, I like it... in stages.
I am going to move on. What that means I am not entirely sure, but it needs to be planned, orchestrated, steady and progressive.
Here I go.