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#417423 - 11/27/12 06:09 PM Two perps; two kinds of abuse
Suwanee Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/30/12
Posts: 703
Loc: Southeast USA
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#417425 - 11/27/12 06:31 PM Re: Two perps; two kinds of abuse [Re: Suwanee]
seikei Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/06/12
Posts: 94
Personally they both strike me as equally dispicable. In the end, despite their different methods, the goal for both of them was to manipulate someone less powerful than himself so as to fufill their sick fancies. The first might not have touched you, but he still use you nonetheless.

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#417431 - 11/27/12 06:52 PM Re: Two perps; two kinds of abuse [Re: Suwanee]
JayBro Offline


Registered: 11/13/12
Posts: 246
Loc: Germany
Hey Will *HUGS*

First off, I just wanted to say that this post was real brave of you. I know whenever I share my story, even but snippets, it is very tiring and strenuous.

I think that both perps used the power of manipulation and coersion to get what they wanted. The friend's stepdad used fear and his "control" issues, and maybe too because of his position as an adult, more "mature", and physically much more powerful than 11 year old boys, to scare you and the other boys into doing what he wanted. The other used guilt, or a sense that you were "repaying" him for alleged friendship, or kindness. That is definitely a notabe constrast in their forms of manipulation.

People are all different, and just as victims are diverse, so too are our abusers. They have used all kinds of means to exploit us, and we have all kinds of issues be it stemming from trust, intimacy, connectability, self-worth, guilt.... and the list goes on. I feel that you are very couragous and intelligent to have pointed out this difference in your CSA experiences and to have articulated it. HUGS It takes a lot. They both may have affected you equally, but resulting in different "side-effects" if we could call it that.

But as I am sure you know, by identifying the complexity of our CSA and how it affects us, we are much better suited to tackle it and recover.

Thank you once again for sharing. Could I give you another hug?

Nick
_________________________
,,Nun ging es immerzu, weit, weit bis an der Welt Ende."

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#417494 - 11/28/12 07:34 AM Re: Two perps; two kinds of abuse [Re: Suwanee]
crazy gecko Offline


Registered: 10/04/12
Posts: 309
I can totally relate. I've put a lot of time and effort into "dealing" with the abuse from my father, and almost none into dealing with what my foster father did. As with you, I've always thought that what my father did was worse. It lasted longer, was more frequent and I was younger. It was constant physical and sexual abuse, including rape. My foster father, on the other hand, mostly stuck to verbal/emotional abuse, apart from three events - once he beat me severely, and twice

** triggers **





He orally raped me at gunpoint








** trigger end **

I am now beginning to understand that what my foster father did was actually more damaging...
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#417530 - 11/28/12 11:55 AM Re: Two perps; two kinds of abuse [Re: Suwanee]
Publius Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/13/12
Posts: 396
Loc: OH
I agree with these guys that each abusive experience was despicable in its own way. Each also affected you in a different way, which is normal for anyone so don't feel you have to balance the two out or downplay one because of the other. Recognizing how each experience impacted you is a part of recovery but first and foremost we must recognize the abuse itself. Clearly you have accomplished that feat and as far as "raging" about your CSA feel free to PM me anytime with that kind of rant because you will only find sympathetic ears.
_________________________
"Life is like this dark tunnel. You may not always see the light at the end of the tunnel, but if you keep moving, you will come to a better place." ~ General Iroh

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#417546 - 11/28/12 03:06 PM Re: Two perps; two kinds of abuse [Re: Suwanee]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6847
Loc: USA
Originally Posted By: Suwanee
I have raged and discussed the CSA I experienced at summer camp at age 13, but I also dealt with exploitation at age 11 at the hands of a neighbor. This was a friend's stepdad who apparently got off on watching semi-nude/naked boys box and wrestle each other. He was a real sadistic bastard with control issues.

I don't want to trigger anyone, but this guy was totally different than the second perp who used fake kindness to earn my trust and put me in debt to him for the "kind acts" he did for me. The first perp was just plain mean and twisted. On "paper" the second incident is worse, but the first perp was capable of real violence. Any thoughts?

Will


I think this is a valid observation.

Puffer

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#418091 - 12/03/12 09:25 PM Re: Two perps; two kinds of abuse [Re: JayBro]
Suwanee Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/30/12
Posts: 703
Loc: Southeast USA
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Cruel Summer
My Journal

-Signs and traces left in stone
Ruins of a past unknown-

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