I've only recently discovered this site after having a pretty bad episode, and been having a look around and thought it was time I should join up and start trying to improve my life.

I only just realised it after reading another post, though I was likely groomed from an early age by a family friend, though the abuse didn't start until I was around 12 or 13, and went on for several years. I used to be a good kid before it happened, but ended up acting out, getting into trouble, turning to alcohol, drugs, started smoking, harming myself and shutting everyone out.

The only thing I remember my family questioning was why I was no longer close with the family friend. Due to shame, fear, confusion, and having to keep the "secret", I never said anything. As for the acting out, my parents decided to send me off to boarding school, further isolating me from anyone I knew.

As a result, I ended up with some really serious trust issues and never really let anyone in. I have only ever told a couple of people that I did really trust, though not long afterwards they were no longer in my life anymore. I had always thought that they could not understand or deal with what happened to me, and I swore never to bring it up again.

That changed recently when I met someone and had one of those rare occassions where I could actually open up. It just felt comfortable being myself, and I had an urge to tell them about the abuse. I finally got up the nerve, though sharing what happened brought up a lot of old memories I had buried, and put me in a really dark place. It was only after something they said to me, that I realised that the reason why I likely lost people in the past was not due to them not being able to handle the information, but the way I acted when those emotions came flooding back and I was pushing people away.

So the end result was I decided i needed to try and do something to improve my life. I have been to psychologists and counselling in the past, though never really founf it to help. Even being on medication never really seemed to be a solution for me. Though i thought I would try once more, hopefully being able to something that wil help amongst people who have been through the same situation.

Here's striving for a better future,
Frankie

Hi Frank .. welcome to MS .. I'm sure you will find many individuals here that share similar experiences.

My situation was somewhat parallel to yours and I have just started attempting to bring down the barriers on the trust issues.

Hope you find some peace here.

Hi Frankie,

You will find stories here very similar to your own, and some very different. However we all have in common the issues with trust, fear, self-hatred, anger, and shame. Keep reading and posting when you feel comfortable. Good luck with yuor healing. This is a good place to start.

Jude

Welcome Frankie

I hope you continue to reach out, share, And learn About how to heal and recover. There is a whole new world waiting for you to claim it.

Hi Frankie

I'm glad you had the courage to share your 'secret' with us here at MS. We understand - really!!

This is a good place to start to improve your life - to find a way to a better future. I hope you find it as healing as I have.

On a selfish note I am glad to see another Aussie here.

Welcome

oops

Thanks for the welcome guys. Still trying to see where I fit in here, though trying to open up a little, and learn from others.

Glad to see another Australian here to Farmer Boy. I was actually looking for something more local when I found this site. Only then realised that as much as they like to promote steps towards mental health in our country, there is very little information available online, let alone online communities where survivors can share their CSA experiences and thoughts.

Hey Frankie

I think male victims of sexual abuse in our country (and others too) are an invisible epidemic. Glad you found this place. It is the best I've found.

One this I can tell up is that you do 'fit in' here. Our stories are all different but we've all been 'broken' by what happened to us and are trying to heal.

HOpe to see you around

Lee