I am.
Being laid off is taking it toll.
I have been fighting the spiral for some time.
I feel such weights upon my arms & legs.
A stone upon my back.
Some, out there, can understand, the feeling of not minding being hit by a derailed train. not minding the blowout that causes ur car to flip on the highway. not minding a stray shot from a drive by shooting. not minding a gas leak. not minding ....
"why?" the others ask.
Because then I'd have had an issue others on the outside can comprehend.
AND are Willing to relate to.
"Why is he like that?", "He was hit by a train." "oh, then I guess he's doing great."
Instead...I sit here, typing to the unknown,
not minding if....

Blacken

Keep reaching out- sounds like you are in a dark spot now and need to know people care for you and that there is more out there for you that is good and healing.

This rough patch is NOT like the abuse- it may be triggering and uncomfortable and even painful, but it is not THAT.

Keep in touch today and this week, will you?

Hey blacken,

I can somewhat relate to what you say. I've been trying to deal with abuse issues for a while now. Recently, I had an accident at work when my finger almost got torn off. But when it happened, I just didn't 'mind' losing a finger. It would just be another blemish in my life. I was completely detached from the physical pain too. Everyone around me couldn't understand why. To me, the physical pain didn't even compare to the emotional pain that I was going through. But the days following the accident, plenty of people were emphathetic to my physical injury and shared their own injury stories. Some would even pat me on the shoulder, as if to say, 'I understand'. I realized that's what I wanted for my CSA recovery - for someone to understand and relate. How amazing would it be if we could get such support for our emotional trauma! The world is not there yet. Until then, I get my support on MS.

So, as you are going through this, let me offer you a pat on the shoulder and say, I understand.

Take care, dear friend.

Same here for me. Physical pain doesn't really mean much too me, but the emotional pain is at times, quite unbearable. I can and do know how to empathize for sure.

yesterday was my birthday. i always have problems aroungd it.
excuse spelling, having terrible morning.
Had flashback as I woke up today.
terrible.
i look at what im writing. no way 2 say what i feel
i close my eyes, the room spins like a ferris wheel
constant chills.
body numb
dizzy
jummpy
actually can feel it inside me. trying to shit it out. only makes it easier hfor him
pinchin my niples
biting me.
things out of order mabe. words laughtr

We suffer from an invisible disability that the normals can't see.

I understand where you are, Blacken. It wasn't too long ago I was there myself, and keep my seat warm, because I might be there again.

Stay strong, and keep reaching out to us. We understand.

Cant

hey my friend
I hope that you can find in yourself the strength to remember that your living a good life is the ultimate slap in the bastards face. he did all he could to destroy you totally body mind and spirit. You have shown him who is not only the better man but the only good man in the race. Hold on for yourself my friend, because you never deserved to be treated in that way,and you deserve better now. Your life is yours and he cannot take anymore you have that right. Grieve this loss again man then look the bastard straight in the eye even in your minds eye and tell him I WILL NOT! let you have one more day you son of a bitch! Then we pick up and start again prepared to just keep saying it till eventually it is less,or gone.