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#417148 - 11/25/12 06:02 AM took a piss in that house
blacken Offline
Chatroom Moderator
Registered: 08/13/01
Posts: 1626
Loc: Northern Ohio
Yes, I did. Last night. Took a nice long piss in that "about to be demolished" house, where so many horriblly abusive act against me took place.
By the end though, it felt creepy. Like I awoke some Thing there.
Creeks from below.
Weirded me out a bit. That 'old fear' started to rise.
I got out fast, using my light to keep "it" at bay, as I backed out the door.
It called to me in my mind, to come down those stairs. Like a gaping mouth, beckening me.
I felt an erge to give in to that call. Seeing the shadows move at the edges of the light.
Whispers in the dark of my mind.
The sound of movement from the depth.
"Just an animal".
Not all things can be explained by science.
Maybe part of me is trapped there still.
A young child, terrified, alone. Wanting comfort.
Or, its part of 'him'.
Restless, waiting, hungry...

#417156 - 11/25/12 07:02 AM Re: took a piss in that house [Re: blacken]
SamV Offline

Registered: 12/13/09
Posts: 5954
Loc: Talladega, Alabama, USA
I too know that feeling of fear as the abuse victim inside of me awakens because I am prodding him. He likes what I am doing to protect him but then, like being called home he becomes afraid. I was more afraid of my dad then I was of bullies and the Devil. It took a long time and many repressed memories to begin to let the trauma go.

The abuse is over fellow survivor, but not the horror. I am so proud of you for your affirming action. Keep recovering.
MaleSurvivor Moderator Emeritus 2012 - 2014

#417227 - 11/25/12 06:21 PM Re: took a piss in that house [Re: blacken]
seikei Offline

Registered: 08/06/12
Posts: 94
While I cannot say that I necessarily agree with urinating on someone else's property, I do understand it. I hope that the action helped you find a bit more closure.


#417239 - 11/25/12 07:00 PM Re: took a piss in that house [Re: blacken]
men_of_hrts.dbw Offline

Registered: 02/20/09
Posts: 302
Loc: Orchidland Big Island Hawaii
When we enter the Darkness we find the truth.

I too went back to the location...for me it was on the side of the road..the exact spot where I was approached and decieved by a stranger as I walked down the road.

It is beyond words to describe the horror and revelations.

You have my current thoughts and comfort.
Doug>ASA Survivor (1x)
ECV 6001/MaTuCa Chapter 1849
E Clampus Vitus
"What Say the Brethren"
"Hang the Bastards"

#417388 - 11/27/12 11:48 AM Re: took a piss in that house [Re: blacken]
Jude Offline

Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1633
Loc: New England

I have imagined myself pissing on my perp's grave. Or making a special trip to hell just to light the match under him to burn for eternity. I'm not in a place for forgiveness.
I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
Sarah McLachlan

#419871 - 12/22/12 09:38 PM Re: took a piss in that house [Re: blacken]
Shyshark Offline

Registered: 10/30/12
Posts: 618
Loc: Canada
I went to bury my Mom in the family plot on July 02 ...

and did what I had always wanted to do ...

I pissed on the school ...
Experience is a brutal teacher.


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