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#417124 - 11/24/12 09:09 PM Should I tell my parents?
Edward Wong Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/25/11
Posts: 40
I feel like I should tell my parents what happened, but I'm afraid to.

Firstly, I'm not sure if they're even aware that homosexuality exists, much less that men can assault boys. Growing up, I never learned the Cantonese words for homosexuality or pedophiles.

If they have heard of homosexuality, they probably view it as a mental illness. I'm afraid that will be disgusted at my role in what happened.

Secondly, I'm afraid of exposing them to my pain. They were greatfull that my perp spent time with me and treated me like an American boy, despite being the only Chinese kid in town. They pressured me to stay in scouting when I wanted to quit due to the abuse. I don't want let them down by letting them know how badly I was hurt.

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#417187 - 11/25/12 12:48 PM Re: Should I tell my parents? [Re: Edward Wong]
nltsaved Offline


Registered: 08/26/08
Posts: 849
Loc: Kc,Mo
They let you down by not being aware of the situation the hurt and the pain or anger that surely you expressed but was ignored .
This is about you healing do not be afraid of speaking Truth
Truth is not always pleasant in fact it hardly is .
My advice is to tell them there is a reason you feel this burden on your heart because it will allow you to close the page in this part of your story that they helped write
_________________________
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Video of me telling my story
you are not alone never were
WRITTEN FORM
http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=339159#Post339159
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1IAhDGYlpqY

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#417189 - 11/25/12 01:03 PM Re: Should I tell my parents? [Re: Edward Wong]
JayBro Offline


Registered: 11/13/12
Posts: 269
Loc: Germany
My friend, you should let them know that you experienced such pain and hurt, but keep in mind two things:

#1 You should tell them once you feel (more) comfortable doing so. It can be very hard going at this alone or with little internal preparation. This is about YOU and YOUR recovery, and you should say this on your OWN terms. Your recovery process does not, and should not, revolve around your parents. I know that this is hard to do. I come from an immigrant family, and a lot of my "Canadian" supports act as though my family poses no barriers and I can do everything and anything without thinking of them- but that is not always attainable for people like us from such cultures were the family has such control over the individual. However, it is possible. I told my parents of my abuse, and they were also not accepting of my homosexuality. But they are slowly coming around to helping me and supporting me better... you too are a part of the family, and just as you must devote yourself to them, when another member is in need, they will slowly devote themselves to helping you. But it will take time, and there might be things which they never fully understand (such as the normality of homosexuality).

#2 Do not be afraid of exposing them to your pain--- this is about YOU, and this is YOUR suffering. Someone mistreated YOU and you did not ask for this. Do not put yourself and your recovery behind just to not inconvenience those who SHOULD be there for you. In order to recover, you need to put yourself first. Unless you do not want your family in your life or you do everything for them without reciprocation, you should not worry about their exposure to the facts as much as your own recovery from the experiences.

I hope this helps. Remember to always put YOU first, because no one else will!!


Edited by JayBro (11/25/12 01:08 PM)
_________________________
,,Nun ging es immerzu, weit, weit bis an der Welt Ende."

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