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#416979 - 11/23/12 01:25 AM Self Abusive Behaviour
jcm Offline


Registered: 05/26/09
Posts: 35
Loc: Los Angeles, CA
I'm having a hard time dealing with things. I overthink things in my head, over and over. I act out and deal with things in the wrong ways.

I hold my breath until I pass out.
I bang my head against the wall.
I starve myself.
I don't drink water for days at a time.
I cut myself with razor blades.

I need a way out.

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#416986 - 11/23/12 05:27 AM Re: Self Abusive Behaviour [Re: jcm]
peroperic2009 Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3610
Loc: South-East Europe
Hey JCM, hang on man. There is way out of such behavior.
Here is article about it: http://www.malesurvivor.org/ArchivedPages/singer2.html
Try to read it, maybe it would be helpful for you.
I've read it occasionally and I found it very good, I'm still in process of finding all negative emotions that drive me to actions that I'm not proud to do.
One my buddy have a lot issues with self cutting and I've found as great resource this blog form one other friend from MS:
http://ramblingsofanabusesurvivor.blogspot.com/2012/11/controlling-urge-to-cut.html
Please share with us more.
Hang on bro!

Pero
_________________________
My story

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#416994 - 11/23/12 07:11 AM Re: Self Abusive Behaviour [Re: jcm]
Publius Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/13/12
Posts: 396
Loc: OH
Allow me to merely reiterate what peroperic2009 already shared with you. Each of these struggles stems from an emotional need you are trying to fill and while these activities are readily accessible you have clearly communicated your dissatisfaction with them. Their inefficacy is far from inexplicable as peroperic2009's articles and others on this site will show. As you read, share, and hear more from survivors on this site I think you will not only grow to understand what drives you to act but also some alternative, self-affirming activities that can be utilized in their place. Although this replacement may be difficult at times rest assured their effectiveness will be both a lasting and learning experience : )
_________________________
"Life is like this dark tunnel. You may not always see the light at the end of the tunnel, but if you keep moving, you will come to a better place." ~ General Iroh

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#416996 - 11/23/12 09:01 AM Re: Self Abusive Behaviour [Re: jcm]
crazy gecko Offline


Registered: 10/04/12
Posts: 309
Hi jcm

I'm sorry to hear that you are hurting so much frown

I am the author of the blog pero linked. Basically everything you listed can be seen as "self-injury". I have struggled with self-injury for many years. It is more-or-less under control now, but the key-word here is "under control", not "gone". I think it is very important to get some understanding about why you feel the need to harm yourself. I have shared some things that helped me in the link pero posted, as well as some information that might guide you to figure out why you do it in another post (linked from the first one).

Do you have a therapist? If not, I would urge you to find one. A good therapist can make the fight against self-injury a lot easier...

PS: I use the word "cutting" as a synonym for "self-injury" or "self-harm" in my blog. I confess, that is pure laziness. Please don't think it doesn't apply to other forms of self-harm!

Please don't despair! You are not alone.

((((jcm))))
_________________________
I guess what I'm trying to say
Is whose life is it anyway because livin'
Living is the best revenge
You can play
-- Def Leppard

My Story, Part 2

My blog

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#417026 - 11/23/12 04:35 PM Re: Self Abusive Behaviour [Re: jcm]
jcm Offline


Registered: 05/26/09
Posts: 35
Loc: Los Angeles, CA
Thank you guys, I'm gonna read both of the articles you have linked for me.

It's just tough, you know. A lot of my abuse was emotional and mental torment so it's left my head in a weird place when it comes to dealing with things.

I really appreciate your help.

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#417056 - 11/24/12 12:38 AM Re: Self Abusive Behaviour [Re: jcm]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6875
Loc: USA
Originally Posted By: jcm
I'm having a hard time dealing with things. I overthink things in my head, over and over. I act out and deal with things in the wrong ways.


Well, jcm, when we do things like that we know that they aren't beneficial to us. But we feel compelled to do them. Sometimes it even feels good to us to self-injure. We feel like we deserve it or like it seems to take away from the emotional pain we feel inside. It usually takes a good therapist to help us break these behavior patterns.

I recently became aware that I also self-injure. But I do it by saying derogatory things about myself to other people. That's pretty destructive. Now that I'm aware of it, I can start to deal with it with the help of my T. That's the way it has to work. You are aware of what you're doing, now you have to work with someone to help you stop.

I also overthink things a lot. I had to come to an understanding of why I do this:
1) My parents were always correcting me too much: 'Don't do this....Don't do that...Do that the other way...., etc.'
2) I've been very unsure of myself - some would call it lack of confidence. A confident person can act swiftly because they're sure they're right. But nobody is right all the time, so being thoughtful is sometimes correct.

Puffer



Edited by pufferfish (11/24/12 12:43 AM)

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