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#416779 - 11/21/12 02:29 AM Nightmares Are Starting
Bean1971 Offline


Registered: 11/18/12
Posts: 20
Loc: UK
I spoke about my story for the first time two days ago and wrote it down for the first time last night. I couldn't finish writing it but I got as much as I could down.

I went to sleep about one in the morning and woke again at five. I had the most vivid scary nightmare I have had in years. It wasn't about the rape but a few key figures in my life past and present, were in it.

I dreamt my current wife was getting attacked in the street by a bunch of people and I couldn't help her. The dream moved to a school (not mine but I knew it was a school). Here two of my best friends (from the past who I no longer speak to any more) and I were high on drugs and just running amok in the school. All the glass was missing from the windows and laid down flat on the floor in neat piles. Don't know what that means. My two sons were also running around the school and I started getting really scared for their safety....not from me but from an unknown force in the school. This is strange because the attacks happened after school.

I started choking in the dream which caused me to wake and when I did I was choking and breathing rapidly. I knew I was having the onset of a panic attack which I haven't had for 6 or 7 years now.

It's 2 hours later and I couldn't get back to sleep.
I really hate this. I know it is supposed to be healing. And I don't understand the significance of things like the school the glass and my two old friends. Am I repressing more than I realise?

No need to answer...I just needed to get it down.
_________________________
"This is the story of how we begin to remember."

"...just below my skin I'm screaming..."


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#416840 - 11/21/12 05:19 PM Re: Nightmares Are Starting [Re: Bean1971]
Jude Offline


Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1600
Loc: New England
Dear PB,

Nightmares are part of the deal. Who knows what they all mean? Just remember that you're not alone. We're all right there with you.

Jude
_________________________
Seems I've got to have a change of scene
Every night I have the strangest dreams
Imprisoned by the way it could have been
Left here on my own or so it seems
I've got to leave before I start to scream
Joe Cocker

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#416850 - 11/21/12 07:16 PM Re: Nightmares Are Starting [Re: Bean1971]
Bean1971 Offline


Registered: 11/18/12
Posts: 20
Loc: UK
Thanks Jude smile
_________________________
"This is the story of how we begin to remember."

"...just below my skin I'm screaming..."


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#416855 - 11/21/12 07:30 PM Re: Nightmares Are Starting [Re: Bean1971]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3520
Loc: somewhere in Africa
Hey, PB!

i've been through the nightmares phase, too. notice i said "through." it didnt last forever - just seemed like it at times. as they say, "this too shall pass."

about your dream - i don;='t think there is any way to "translate" the objects and events in a neat A=B kind of way.

but just generally speaking - here's what it sounds like to me:

i think you are feeling both vulnerable and at least partially responsible. also fearful about the effects that your past and your present reactions are having on your family and friends.

i think all of that is perfectly understandable and "normal."

hold on - keep working at it - and it WILL get better.

Lee
_________________________
As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago


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#416857 - 11/21/12 07:40 PM * [Re: Bean1971]
Smalltown80sBoy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/25/12
Posts: 2217
*


Edited by Smalltown80sBoy (04/29/13 01:03 PM)

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#416912 - 11/22/12 04:54 AM Re: Nightmares Are Starting [Re: Bean1971]
Bean1971 Offline


Registered: 11/18/12
Posts: 20
Loc: UK
Thanks Lee. There were no dreams last night but I had a really restless night. I was up about every half hour. I'm going to have a day off today and just chill and try catch up on sleep...though I know I will feel guilty about having a day off work smile

And thanks for sharing Gary. I used to have really bad dreams when I was younger and they disappeared for ages. I also used to 'see' people at the bottom of my bed but thank god that has stopped. Obviously with 'digging' the last week, they are coming back, the dreams that is. And totally agree about talking to people who 'understand'.

One of the most amazing things about MS is the fact I can say, "I have nightmares" or "I disassociate/revert" and instead of getting weird looks, I get support and shared experiences :)Can change a shit day into a great day, even on the hardest days.
_________________________
"This is the story of how we begin to remember."

"...just below my skin I'm screaming..."


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