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#417935 - 12/02/12 01:47 PM Re: I am ready but I need your help(possible triggers) [Re: Publius]
Mountainous Buck Offline

Registered: 12/15/09
Posts: 1626
Loc: Minnesota

Thanks for your honest and vulnerable post:

You wrote: " am really hoping someone here can give me some advice on how to curtail this compulsive behavior while I am working through recovery. As you recover more are these feelings mitigated? Do they pretty much go away if you work through the underlying issues? "

My story is that I got help for my very compulsive and destructive sexual behavior long before I had to face the CSA. What I learned in 12 step programs was the power of sharing my secrets, owning my behavior, asking for help, trusting others who shared my compulsions, and working the steps to get to the ROOTS of my acting out: insecurity, fear, anger, etc.

Even today, I have to engage in healthy ways to get my needs met that sex was a false and destructive substitute for.

I cannot engage in those old behaviors: they trigger a despair, brokenness, and helplessness in me that is dark and cuts me off from true intimacy and help.

I think there are tens of thousands of men who share our stories, but are out there struggling alone in fear, shame, and isolation without help or support.

Keep working on your recovery and untangling the past as you reclaim your life.

Edited by Mountainous Buck (12/02/12 01:49 PM)
We have to take responsibility for what we're not responsible for.

It doesn't matter where you've come from,
It matters where you go" Frank Turner

#418165 - 12/04/12 01:56 PM Re: I am ready but I need your help(possible triggers) [Re: Publius]
SmartShadow Offline

Registered: 11/27/12
Posts: 134
Loc: Washington State
Edited to change focuse.


CSA creates a lot of brutal effects in us. I can realy relate to where you are at and applaud you for asking the thought questions and wresting with your thoughts, feelings and fears. It is a confusing tangled mess that we must contend with. Keep working, stay diligent, it pays off.

The contorted mess is not who we are, we are much much more.
We must devote equal time to the much more, our true selfs.

A counselor once told me a story that help me out.

A man awoke in terror to find a great and terrible demon at the foot of his bed.
He cowered and trembled in fear under his covers until day break.
The next night he awoke to the same horror.
Night after night in terror the man anticipated his imminent demise.
One night the man awoke to see the demon glaring at him.
The man said to the demon "oh it's you again" then rolled over and went back to bed.

This some how helped me give less credence to my obsessions and fears.

Keep up the good work,


Edited by SmartShadow (12/05/12 02:09 PM)

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