I have deliberately passed by the house where I was abused. The shed where James abused me was no longer standing. It was in rough shape back then, so I am not at all surprised it was no longer there. I wonder how I would perceive it if it was still standing. It was a dark place, with very little light able to get in. There was a sandbox in there, I am not sure why. But that's where he abused me. Essentially isolated me in the dark shed so nobody could see or hear.
I too needed to retrieve the memories. I needed to see and feel every part of the abuse. I wanted all of it, and as I started recalling, more and more became accessible. In stark detail with emotions attached to everything. It was painful as hell, and overwhelming, but it did come back to me. Those unlocked parts bubbled up from the depths. Yes, it was difficult to see and yes I did feel like I was re-victimizing myself but I felt it necessary to my healing. I needed to acknowledge the abuse as something that didn't just happen, but rather something that someone (James) chose to do. Appropriating the blame onto him was an absolute must. I understand why you want to go there. We all understand why you want to go there. Heal well brother.
I am the warrior.