I’m flying home tonight, I’ll be off until Sunday when I fly out for 3 weeks on the road prior to Christmas, and I know a week at home used to be great, but now things have changed. I’ve told my wife and while accepting I know it’s a lot to burden her with, it’s like she doesn’t get it, maybe I’ve done a bad job of explaining it, I don’t know? How do I tell her that 99% of the time all I can think of is the abuse? She keeps mentioning that “this not come between us”. Really looking forward to this bs.

Hey cosmos, you know sometimes is very difficult when we are dealing with our internal issues, it is difficult subject, very personal and very overwhelming. Off course that you have problems with keeping thoughts on something else.
Under such conditions spouses/waives/partners could feel isolated and like left alone. That could hurt them and it is difficult for both parties.
You know I've read once somewhere that emotions, love and affection are much more expressed trough some gesture, motion or attention. So sometimes when talk is not so fruitful some small sign of love will do good to bring feeling of connection. Think when and what could you do to make you wife loved and needed. It could be holding her hand, hug, kiss, looking into her eyes, some present, message and so on
I'm sure that you could find couple of moments for such small signs of intimacy with your wife no matter if you are thinking on abuse and related issues ? Please try to do it occasionally...
And maybe you could post this same post in Family and friends part of the board so the ladies could say how they are feel about it. In any case there are a lot similar stories written there.