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#416398 - 11/16/12 12:48 AM Love and Kink
hurting&tryingtoheal Offline


Registered: 08/28/12
Posts: 28
I just read something about how kink can enhance people's love and connection. I don't doubt that this story is true, but it still scares me. I don't really understand it. It still makes me feel like I am being abused or someone is abusing me. I imagine someone trying to lovingly and understandingly introduce me to kink, and it makes me feel terrified. Why can't I have sex that is not what most people think is kinky and have it be loving and passionate and hot? It makes me feel safer. Much safer than tying someone up or making them be submissive to me or me being submissive to them. And, will there be women interested in that or do I have to accept that women want this as opposed to anything I want? I want to find a girlfriend (and eventually a wife) who loves me and wants to show that to me in sex (in other ways too, obviously). I want sex that says "I love you, honey. I want to show you how special you are to me". Sex that says "No matter what you are the best man I have ever met, and I am so lucky and happy to have found and be with you, because I love you so much".

I guess what I'm saying is that my past experiences with kink have been really bad, and even if they weren't abusive they felt like abuse. So, kink terrifies me. Does this mean that I have to accept that eventually I will get past this fear of kink and that eventually it will be a part of my life or can I be someone who isn't kinky and still have an amazing, loving sex life? I really hope that the latter is what happens. I am so terrified of kink. I don't want to feel like I am returning to being abused nor do I want to feel like I am abusing anyone. I want to feel like I am being loving and caring and that I am being loved and cared about.

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#416414 - 11/16/12 03:16 AM Re: Love and Kink [Re: hurting&tryingtoheal]
Jude Offline


Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1483
Loc: New England
Originally Posted By: hurting&tryingtoheal
I want sex that says "I love you, honey. I want to show you how special you are to me". Sex that says "No matter what you are the best man I have ever met, and I am so lucky and happy to have found and be with you, because I love you so much".


Dear HTH,

I'm no expert. I have spent much of my life pursuing sex that says nothing but "make me feel good....now". But I'm guessing that what you describe above is what most women want too. I'd take it in a minute if I could. I'd be happy just to have a woman say those things to me out loud. Leave the kinky stuff to those who need something more than that. I hope you find a woman who will love you unconditionally and satisfy you beyond your wildest dreams. Good luck.

Jude
_________________________
"But now old friends are acting strange,
they shake their heads, they say I've changed.
Something's lost but something's gained in living every day
....it's life's illusions I recall, I really don't know life at all. "
Joni Mitchell

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