Will - i sure get what you are saying here:
*** The experience of simultaneous fear, loathing, anger, and pleasure sent me into a period of confusion that took a couple of years to detangle.***
i would LOVE to hear more of that part of your story - if you are OK with sharing it - if not publicly, then by PM. that is where i am right now - the confusion part.
Thereís a special providence in the fall of a sparrow. If it be now, ítis not to come. If it be not to come, it will be now. If it be not now, yet it will comeóthe readiness is all. - Hamlet, Act 5, sc 2